MK forum

Did James Dobson teach this kind of discipline as well....back in the 70's?

This is in response to Denise's post, which I wrote earlier and when I pushed submit it disappeared.

We were continuously told that we weren't strict enough with our girls. We weren't strict enought, we didn't spank enough, there was nothing really wrong with our child and they were lying to us when they said they were cold in Florida weather, or that they had a headache (too young to have those), to many marines in the house and that doesn't look good and on and on it went. But I had to be accountable to God for how I raised my girls, they did things that I was never allowed to do and I'm sure that they think I was too strict. I lived in the strict environment since I was 3 and never knew anything different. I feel guilty today for being as strict as I was. There has to be a balance and it isn't always the rod. On one field the FC asked what I most admired about my husband, my reply " His patience and kindness" That was what they were waiting for, "NO, he was complacent and that is sin and he needed to get right with God." They were then in our home 2 - 3 times a week for hours trying to get "us right with God" We had a new born who would be crying to be feed, a one year old and a two year old...but that didn't matter....We need to get you in fellowship. We called the US and were pulled from that field. Before we left the FC took our passports and refused to give them to us unless we told them of any family that had encouraged us. Can you believe it! We were at the airport and they wouldn't give us our passports! We gave them names of encouragers and wrote them apology letters later. It was the only way to get on the plane. Thankfully, the FC were pulled from that field but they lost 75 missionaries with that FC and their distruction. Many of us show the results of a harsh and strict training given to NTM missionaries. I feel guilty of the strictness on my daughters, I am glad that I was able to lighten up and realize that tho I was in it from the age of 3, where kids had to be perfect and quiet or "I will have to leave the ministry" a quote by my dad (and probably yours), the Christian life can be an enjoyable one and God's Grace is ours.

Now if we are not talking about "blame" but about taking responsibility, YES. Our parents have to take responsibility for their choices in putting us in boarding school. Yes, they too were spiritually abused, they were lied to about conditions at boarding school, but they also had a lot of data about how things were run in NTM and how discipline was to be administered in a "godly" fashion. They were the parents, not us. They were the ones responsible for our welfare and to believe it was the right decision sending your 7 year old to a boarding school run by people that they already had a lot of data on is to bury your head in the sand. Choosing not to see what is there is wrong.

There is a lot of freedom in being able to acknowledge this. I am fortunate enough that my parents who were probably some of the best in NTM will take responsibility for their bad choices. This acknowledgment leads us toward freedom, not toward bitterness.

As an MK and a current member, my heart goes out to all of those who were abused. There are so many things to work thru during the lifetime of anyone who was abused. I will be praying for all of you.

As for James Dobson....I was speaking about discipline. I know I fell into men's philosphy rather than searching the scriptures for myself. I have been learning over the years to not just believe what everyone else says and make sure I know what God says. But some damage has already been done with my children. Not sexual or physical abuse but relaying the wrong message about God's love and forgiveness. I have acknowledged this to my kids and am praying they will know God better than I did in my early married years and with NTM. My heart is still heavy at times about this. I know God wants me to move on after acknowledging my sins but I still want to berate myself thus not growing. I'm still working on understanding forgiveness for myself.

I am a nonNTM MK. I was born and raised in West Africa where my parents began their ministry with a mission in the mid 1950's. I am 46 and have only recently been reading up on all the stories in this forum. The mission my parents were with, I believe, faced boarding school abuse head on once they discovered what was going on. I felt the need to say something with respect to MKFalcon's post. I am sorry for what you had to deal with as a young child at boarding school. I too attended boarding school through the 8th grade and completed the rest of my education, as did my siblings, by correspondence. "I will never apologize to anyone on these forums for abuse they suffered as MK's." This struck me as rather harsh so maybe I am not understanding what you meant. By saying we are sorry for the abuse suffered, we are sympathizing with the horrific atrocities that happened to them.

Secondly, the statement about blaming our parents and if we don't, you would wonder why..........I would agree that parents hold some responsibility but as MrsM stated, they trusted the organization they worked for (the organization that was under Godly leadership) to protect their children. My parents wake up every night, overwhelmed by guilt for sending their children away. In the 1950's and 60's, there were not many options. I look at the weight put on their shoulders....do God's calling and place your children in the care of someone else (totally contrary to what parenting is all about.) They too suffered. I will have to say that my parents listened when we reported abuse and they took action. We all were home schooled after that and they also spoke to the directors of our mission.

Ruth Van Reeken's book is good. I have read it, in fact, I know her and have spoken to her about all those years ago. I am not trying to offend, like you I am finding a voice. It has only been recently that I became aware of the fanda eagles. I was aware of the NTM allegations and the abuse at Fanda. What I believe the NTM MK's are struggling with, and I may be mistaken...if I am, I hope someone will "straighten" me out, is that, while NTM has acknowledged Fanda, they need to do ALOT more. The abuse in their schools didn't just happen in the 50's and 60's....it is very recent, the perpatrators are still out there and some, although have been transferred, still work for the mission. This is not acceptable!!!!! It is wrong and it's as if these kids, albeit now adults, are being victimized all over again!!! I was not sexually abused but was physically and mentally abused and I have friends that were so abused..........these stories are gut wrenching and the leadership at NTM has a responsibility to make this issue a priority and tackle it head on.

Again, MKFalcon, I am not here to offend. I want to understand. If I have offended anyone, it has not been my intent and I apologize.

Well written lara

Thank you, MK Falcon, for having the courage to share your heart. I know you have been reading this blog for a long time, so I hope you were prepared for the negative responses you have gotten to your brave post.
I am truly sorry that this was not a safe and welcoming place for you to share today. I feel like I was back in school on the playground at recess watching the new girl be taunted and bullied because she wasn't cool and didn't wear the right kind of clothes to school.
Seriously, my Forum Family! Did you read MK Falcon's post? I have read it several times. Did you hear her say she is an MK, a survivor of sexual and emotional abuse on the field? We can't keep goading MK survivors to come forward and share their story, and then pounce on them if they have a perspective that is different than ours! She is a survivor! It is imperative that this be a place where she, and others, can speak, can vent, can process! How can we expect people to speak up, if they witness this kind of response when others do it?
MK Falcon could be your classmate, your dorm mate, or your friend's younger sister. She could be the toddler you helped watch at Field Conference. She could be the little girl you swam with in the lake at Refresher Course, or the pretty teenager who poured your drink in the Language School dining hall. She could be my daughter.
Please let's not be guilty of the same offenses we are pointing out in others. We don't all have to think alike, speak alike, and submit meekly to the person with the loudest voice. We are all on a journey of discovery and growth. This takes time, tears, and a willingness to humble ourselves and be repentant. My prayer is that on this Forum, we can model the kind of safety that we were not granted in past years. There is another website that is near and dear to my heart. It is called MK Safety Net. It was a safe place for me to explore and process the pain in my deeply traumatized soul back in the 1990's. I hope we can foster that same environment here. We all need to feel safe.
Please!

Raz, I did read and reread MKFalcon's post. That is why I am trying to understand.....the 2 areas I asked questions about were not meant to harm or injure. I am trying to understand. MKFalcon was saying to blame parents and I was just giving my experience about my parents...........MK holds no bittnerness towards her parents and I was trying to understand how this is possible because I have a friend was was molested repeatedly at boarding school, does blame his parents and I have been trying to encourage him for 2 years.....I was trying to get insight from someone else who was so injured.

I apologized in advance because it takes courage to tell your story and I don't want to offend. I did not mean to be negative. I am still in therapy after years of being on the mission field so I was trying to understand an MK from a different mission.

I apologize, I will not post again as I feel this may in fact be only a safe place for NTM MK's.

Lara and others, please do not feel you need to leave. Lara, your questions were considerate and tasteful and caring!

To all -this forum does not claim to be "safe" but with that said, there is a lot of graciousness here. Real and messy issues are brought here and people can post their anger, their support, whatever they wish. People can also respond to posts however they wish. This board is not moderated, it is a free zone. Please share your heart.

Discuss whatever you want to here, with regards to MK abuse. That is the forum you are in.