MK forum

I'm going to speak up for the young teenager now, and say what I'll say til my last breath: nobody, no matter what age, belongs in a boarding school. In 1980's in our NTM boarding school, we starry-eyed preteen & teenaged girls, ages 12-14, grades 6-8th, were sought after by the Junior and Senior boys, who were about 16-18. We, who hadn't been taught a thing about the unspeakable act of s*x, except that it was sooooo wrong, were taught plenty by those boys. They would choose a different girl each night. The actual act wasn't performed in most cases, but if that is the 4th base, it's safe to say we were taught bases 1-3 each night, and some girls, the 4th.

There were a few "good" girls who escaped this, but they were very few in number, and mostly just the staff kids. If you can remember, ladies, when you were a very young teenager or preteen how much you naturally wanted love & attention from Daddy, you'll understand how much we accepted and wanted the attention of these older boys while our daddies were absent and our dorm parents were busy with the littler children.

Our school found out eventually and I think the Executive Committee even came (there was drinking and marijuana involved with those older boys, too). We were all condemned, condemned, condemned and it was a HUGE time of "repentance" in a big chapel service. Our parents all came out of the tribe, to add to the condemnation. It is still the most humiliating experience of my life. We were branded from then on, and still bear shame to this day.

After a decade and a half of that shame, I was already about 27 and the young mother of 2 when my sister-in-law mentioned that she was sexually molested as a preteen. She went on to say how: a teen friend of her older brother walked into her bedroom at night and "felt her." She didn't stop him. I was so taken aback that she would call that "sexual abuse." We had that happen in the dorms quite often!

Now I am the mother of a 13yo girl. She's such a beautiful, level-headed girl, but even she is so starry-eyed and dreamy - as all girls are at that age - that if we put her into a boarding school, away from the love of her father, I have no doubt that she would welcome the advanced of a 17 or 18yo boy who would love to teach her a thing or two. Instead, our girl is safe, and dreaming of her first kiss.

Dear Dreamwords,

First, I am so sorry for your pain and humiliation. I am glad that you feel free to share here.

People truly do not understand that coercion by an older person- even if that person is a minor- is still abuse. This happened in our family to 3 of my children by an older relative- who was a minor. Many in my extended family wanted to brush it off and not call it what it was: sexual predation.

I agree with all you've said about boarding schools. I have stayed out of this topic until today because I have extremely strong opinions about this and I would never, ever change them. I, thankfully, never had to decide whether or not to send my children away to school. But I wouldn't, no matter what age.

My oldest is almost 17. She still needs so much guidance, care and love that only her parents can give her. She confides in me things she would never feel free to tell anyone else. I can't imagine having someone else raise her.

As I raise my children, in the light of all this here on the forum, I keep thinking how very difficult it is to just raise one's *own* children, let alone a dorm full. For me to train my children in the way they should go; to love them as only a parent can; to really know them and who they are, their strengths, weakness... this all takes time and a strong relationship that is built over time and trust. I believe that we (my husband and I) are the parents God gave to our children and for a purpose. And because of this, we will be held accountable as the parents of our children for their bringing up.

So for dorm schools, I say 'no' to it across the board. I couldn't do it and wouldn't do it. I'm sure there are some really wonderful dorm parents out there and good relationships from that, but I'd like to see some statistics on how it evens out. The odds, from what I read here on these forums, isn't so great.

I hesitate to post because I really don't want to add to the hurt and pain I know so many of you parents already are feeling! And it's impossible to separate this subject from the hurt and pain so many of you feel, because it is all so intertwined.

not sure what just happened to my post, but i'll attempt to summarize below:

Whether or not children's needs CAN be met by somebody other than their parents may not be the relevant question. The question is whether or not parents can ensure that their children's needs WILL be met by third parties and the extent to which parents can ensure that the third parties WILL NOT facilitate abuse to the children.

Whereas as arguments supporting a YES answer to the first question can be appealing and maybe even correct, it is the answer to the second question that is more relevant. CAN vs. WILL and WILL NOT.

Sending a child to boarding school is a gamble. It is a roll of the dice. After the dice is rolled, the results are out of the parent's control. Once the dice stop rolling, it is too late. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. The problem is, in the boarding school context, the currency is the child, and there are not unlimited chances at the table.

Let's stop gambling with our children, while smoking lies, and getting drunk on the Lord's work.

Just wondering...did Paul Fleming promote boarding schools?

All of us who have ever fallen head-over-heels in love with a precious baby resonate with your post, OT. When that vulnerable, trusting infant is in your arms, you believe there is no price you wouldn't pay to protect and nurture them with every ounce of strength and dedication you can muster.

The length, breadth and depth of brain washing, manipulation and group think we endured, which altered us emotionally and spiritually to the point where we voluntarily handed our tiny elementary school children over to strangers, climbed on that little TAC plane and flew back out to our tribal villages absolutely boggles my mind, recalling it now, years later.

How did they turn me from Mommy into Monster?

Bitter? Yeah. And grieving.

It's a miracle my children even speak to me now.

Yes, the pressure on us to send our children to boarding school stemmed from the Family News and Macon Hare directive. So offensive. Did Macon Hare send his own children away? if he lived at the base and had his children with him, that explains it all!

How judged we were to keep our children home from the school - even when they were only 6 years old. We had to constantly "prove" to the field committee we were learning the language and devoting our days to culture and language study. Even the wife had to complete time sheets showing 6 hours minimum of tribal study. Constantly under the microscope and continually badgered because the children were being home-schooled.

Oh, this just makes me ill to recall…