MK forum

Kari, I’m a member of NTM. I’ve been reading this blog for 6-8 months. Just registered today so I could post an attempt to answer your question.

Sorry about such a long response.

Why have I been silent?

1. This is your time to speak, not mine. Your cries were silenced for decades. This is my time to be quiet and listen and understand the depth of my ignorance.
2. I’m on a journey. I’ve read this blog as an act of repentance. I’ve cried, I’ve been madder than hell, and I’ve been sick to my stomach. I don’t want to create more grief for you by communicating poorly or saying something insensitive. I don’t want to create confusion or controversy by saying something stupid. Fear has been a factor in my silence, but it is not fear of retribution or pushback from NTM.
2b…more on my journey. My perspectives are being changed by your words. I’m also reading Wess Stafford’s book “Too Small to Ignore,” laughing and crying through the chapters. I feel like I’m finally starting to get it, but I still don’t know how to talk to you, the victims of abuse. The crimes committed against you were done in God’s name. The threats that kept you silent were made in God’s name. Is there anything more evil?

Men’s propensities to lust as a silencing factor… I can’t say that has been a factor for me, though it has tempered my righteous indignation. As OT pointed out, all of us are capable of incredible evil. I have two beautiful daughters, a beautiful d. in law, and a son. I’ve been around MK’s and young people for decades. I’ve never allowed my evil nature to turn its ugly head in their direction. I’ve never seen any of my peers allow that. However, I’m not in a vocal “righteous rage” because I know I ‘m capable of any evil. Has my own evil been so rampant that I cannot speak out? No way. Not even close. Has an all too painful knowledge of my propensity to evil tempered my righteous indignation? Yes.

My only fear is being a disgrace to my Father in the way I relate to you. Don’t let my relative silence on this blog fool you into assuming I or my peers are inactive or passive regarding justice.

Thank you for speaking out, for not giving up. My eyes have been opened in this past year and I have a ton to learn about what it means to truly love every person God puts in my path… especially the “least of these.”

Andy

I too am a current male member of NTM. My heart grieves for our Mk's who are now adults. These abuse cases have been handled poorly and when it all comes down to it there is no excuse for the past behavior of our organization. Future actions will tell the rest of the story although I do believe Larry is trying to correct NTM's past failures.

I think one of the desires of our MK's on this site is they want to know that NTM has improved in the protection of MK's. I believe we have improved, however I also know we need more improvement. I'm thankful to know that leadership is in the process of reviewing and updating current child protection policies with GRACE. Again, the future policies and applications of those policies will determine how serious NTM is about these issues.

It makes no sense to me why men in the church and in mission organizations choose to protect and help the abusers and blame and ostracize the child victims. This is just wrong.

My parents never talked about sex to me. When I was 16 I came home with a love bite on my neck, my mom had a fit, started shouting and freaking out saying "what animal did that to you" bla, bla, bla. My point is that back then communication was not high priority. Your value and worth was in what you did not what you felt and how you communicated. I think we have gone from one extreme to the other today.

If my husband was to be accused of abuse i would hope that together we would work through it. I would want everything brought out into the light. To me this would be a sign that the person is innocent if he voluntarily agrees to bringing everything out into the light, to being accountable and open. Maybe some would see this as an admission of guilt. If the person is trying to deny it, or only partially takes responsibility or changing their story every 5 minutes and wants to keep it hush, hush etc...then that is suspicious.

To state the obvious men and women are different. I think all that has been said here is interesting and good discussion. I will ask my husband his thoughts on this. Generally men don't express their feelings easily but they will tell you what they think. I don't see much difference between thinking and feeling but men seem to see them as being quite different. Men are goal oriented so maybe they don't see what the point is or goal is in writing a bunch of stuff down. What is all this accomplishing? They don't have such a strong need to talk or journal things out. They will choose to deal with it through work or a physical outlet. Just because a lot of men are not writing on the blog or speaking out does not mean that they are not deeply concerned.

YES! and Amen!

Am sitting here at the computer tearing up and praying, fighting the tears and praying----and kind of shaking. (Obviously not male.)
Ornery, you have added alot of passion, insight, practicality and comic relief to these forums.
But this is your MOST courageous post. You are a true hero.
Don't give up the fight.
May peace reign in your home tonight.

OT,

Thanks for your post.

While all child abuse is unimaginable, what are the "merits" of a border-line case? While NTM continues to need OUTSIDE help to face the bulk of their mess:
1. To identify child abusers, to expel them and any that may have contributed significantly toward the unimaginable extent of the harm caused, and to accept full responsibility for any such harm, for the rest of their lives, to any MKs who come forward; and to recompense as needful.
2. To accept responsibility for abusers: after abusers are expelled from their midst, NTM’s responsibility decreases and the responsibility of others should increase, perhaps local authorities or other individuals and or institutions, to see to it that known abusers are subject to existing or new laws and to proper accountability and likely to never, ever again repeat known, public offenses, or anything similar, ever, ever again.
3. To support every person (child or adult) harmed by NTM. It is obvious when a child or a responsible party for that child or a child-now-adult comes forward and voices the harm he/she received and his/her desire for recompense, but others not voicing need for recompense, still need little or much support.
4. To clean up this mess. The viability of NTM's "in-house," "public" process to identify and expel abusers and others directly or indirectly responsible for enabling them, is now being tested by how well they finish up the first case, that of the Fanda location, submitting to GRACE and to GRACE’s help.
5. If possible, reformation of NTM and the removal of any possible contributing factors, towards preventing Fanda and other horrors yet to be fully exposed in Thailand, Philippines, Brazil, PNG, or any other location, or any form of abuse of minors anywhere, from ever repeating, must pass muster of all potentially interested legal authorities in Florida, Georgia, USA, Brazil, Thailand, Philippines, PNG, Canada, etc. (I so appreciate and expect further postings from OT/Jeff Taylor, Publius/ Michael Butler, Gene Long and others familiar with legalities).
6. However, more important than passing legal muster, NTM's in-house handing of their stinky mess must pass muster of Kari, Bonnie and the average, everyday, respectable man and woman living in Florida, Georgia, USA, Brazil, Thailand, Philippines, PNG, Canada, etc. NTM is responsible to decide how to go about cleaning up their mess, not any poster on this site. However anyone who does offer to post, subject to Kari and Bonnie’s approval, might thereby contribute something to NTM (Larry, Andy, etc.), GRACE (don't know them personally) and or other outside leaders, as they carry out their responsibilities to address this mess.
Ironically, the hardest part may not be those six main areas. How should NTM handle grey areas? Where does the law end but moral constraints continue? I'm not talking spiritual areas, just common moral decency. How should NTM/GRACE/Outside help handle border-line child abuse cases? How should NTM "finish" with the Fanda location, and the 4 last personnel recommendations? (How can we not through the baby out with the bath water?)

While all child abuse is unimaginable, what are the "merits" of a border-line case? (Why are the Penners a border-line case or NOT?)