MK forum

and

Hello, monitor person.

And thanks, tuti, I admire your courage and persistence.

this is scary stuff. and I was always under the misconception that child abuse was something law enforcement was doing really well at, maybe too well sometimes! makes you think.

Here is a quote from the G.R.A.C.E website:

"Most predators do not have a criminal history. Studies indicate there is no better than a 3% chance a sexual predator will ever be apprehended."

Thus 97% are never obtain a criminal histroy!!!

First of all -- I too am an MK with NTM and current Member. I am young (only 28) and was also sexually abused and emotionally abused.
I will never apologize to any one on these forums for the abuse they suffered as MK's. I will sympathize with them and empathize, because I lived in an almost identical setting and environment that they did. But I do not believe it is my job or responsibility to make an apology for something I had nothing to do with or was in no way involved in.
I was sent to the dorm when I was 6 years old. I didn't do well in the dorm those first 6 months. I wasn't learning well or adjusting well -- so the staff and dorm parents encouraged my parents to homeschool me in the tribe. My parents brought me back home and my mom homeschooled me for the rest of first grade. I tell you this -- to just give you a little background of my story. I went on to live in the dorm from 2nd-7th grade then furlough 8th and dorm part of 9th and 10th and the rest of highschool with my parents in town...oh I forgot to mention, I was born in the country where my parents served.
It wasn't until this past year that I started to put the pieces of my puzzle together that have shaped the story of my life. I have read nearly all the posts on this blog and have been following it for over a year now. I have never once thought that my experience growing up and the wrong things that happened to me should be traced back and blamed on NTM. I lived it -- I know exactly who was to blame. Not an organization -- it was individuals..people who I can name and who I grew up and who were closer to me than my own aunts and uncles -- my own grandparents, my own flesh and blood. But they were family. They were my care-givers, my dorm parents, my teachers my circle of influence.
Maybe my situation is unique and I am looking at it all differently -- since in my case -- I didn't come forward as a child and make allegations -- so there was never the chance for my story to be heard, denied, covered up or dismissed.
But even if that is the case --- and it is for that reason that I am able to (today) look at what happened to me and not blame NTM collectively for my hurts -- I don't believe NTM had anything to do with my abuse. If I want to blame someone - the people I should blame are my parents! Come- on fellow MK's....please agree with me! And if you can't/don't then I would question why not? Is it too close, too personal, too painful? Who's decision was it to leave you at that school and to live so far away that you hardly ever go to see them? And to give you over to a group of people who had their own lives and children to take care of? And who wasn't there to protect you and comfort you and be with you when you needed them most?
(I'm reading a book called "Letters Never Sent: One Woman's Journey from Hurt to Wholeness - by Ruth E. Van Reken." Reading this book brings back lots of feelings and emotions. Her story is so similar to mine (ours) and the way she gives words to the feelings is healing and powerful. I have felt like that child again as I read her story. I did and felt many of the things she talks about experiencing as an MK. I would recommend it to all of you MK's out there.
Just to clarify -- I don't blame my parents, I am not bitter towards them, I am not angry at them for what happened to me.. I know God was there, He saw it and He allowed it...and today He is using it to strengthen my relationship with Him.
Don't think I'm getting all "preachy" ...cause I'm not that type. I have a lot of opinions in life, but rarely do I speak up. But today I am speaking up. Because I'm one of "them"...one of "you".
I'm still on my journey of healing. I went through 7 sessions of counseling this summer (time didnt' allow for more and yes NTM offered to pay for them).
Ironically we really didn't talk much about the abuse. But it was a great time of learning about who I am, why I do what I do and why I struggle with certain things in life. I've always known that my unique experience as an MK must have influenced and shaped me into who I am today, but it was a good time of learning exactly how my experiences did just that. I learned I have social anxiety and that I easily slip into "cognitive distortion" thinking. I also learned that I am more motivated by what others think of me than what I think is right/wrong or what I think God wants ..because I tend to look to others around me to show me what God wants from me and what is expected of me (on pretty much every level of life). Yea--I think this all stems back to my personality combined with how I was raised. You know -- doing work detail everyday from the time your 6. Learning how to make your bed without wrinkles, clean a whole house, wash dishes, fold laundry...and doing it cause your required too and because the environment you're in reminds you that this is normal and there's no such thing as whining and crying and resisting (like my 7 and 4 year old do)-- I think it all plays a big part in who I am today.
I write all this tonight just to draw the focus back to our own hearts. I in no way want to minimize the hurt suffered by my fellow MK's -- but where were your parents, what was your relationship like with them back then, what is your relationship like with them today?
NTM does have to take blame because NTM is made up of people who made wrong decisions. Those people need to take the blame...and only those people. I won't blame your dad or your mom for what happened to me -- if your dad and your mom lived half way across the world. Or even if they lived on the same base as me and just "didn't see it" happening. Because only God can ....."1 Corinthians 4:5 "Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God."

I have such an overwhelming sense of victory and vindication when I think of who God is and His hatred for sin...and His love for righteousness. He will have the final word. He will wipe away every tear and I want to thank Him for continuing the work in my heart and life that He started..... Philippians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

My husband and I are working under the organization NTM today. We know that leadership within NTM is to blame for wrong decisions made. However, not all leadership within NTM is guilty of what happened in the past or what is still being worked out concerning the past. We know that the desire of NTM is to enable the spreading of the gospel to the ends of the Earth. That's what we want to be a part of and we fully believe that Satan is doing everything He can to shake and break God's work. Do we want justice --yes! What will that look like now/today? Maybe not what we think it should or will. I will say that my greatest desire would be that healing would come to all the MK's who have suffered over the years and who continue to suffer because of what they experienced...and my number two desire would be that these men who caused such pain be exposed for what they did. I am not talking about trying to do things that the law does not allow for...I am talking about an awareness in the communities and circles of influence in which these men live and work today. Just like the GRACE report recommended. Letting the church elders and pastors know and hopefully the community as well....I don't know what all this will involve since I do not know what the law allows for ...concerning these matters.

I know I'm just another voice...another opinion...another post on the forum...but I hope that what I had to say tonight was useful in some way to somebody, somewhere.

Thanks Gene,
I was waiting for someone else to post an answer because I did not know quite how to put all of my thoughts together nicely... Parents do need to take a good hard look at the part they played in all of this. I believe that someone posted that even if parents had no clue what was going on at the boarding schools they did know what it was like dealing with the committees because they themselves were being Spiritually Abused, so what did they think was happening to their kids? With that being said, why were the parents being Spiritually Abused? Because of NTM the organization! I would be willing to say that it was not the entire organization if it only took place on one field, I would be able to say that it was only a couple individuals, but seeing as it occured on every field and even here at the headquarters office, I must say that it was the entire organization that was the problem. The Organization was breeding these individuals and then setting them up in leadership positions.
For the Monitor that is patroling this site I will tell you now what I told GRACE in my interview... My grandparents entered NTM as soon as they got saved. They learned everything they knew of God and Christian life from NTM missionaries and then the organization. They raised their own kids how NTM taught them to. Then my mom took us and tried doing it the same way for awhile. Only in her eyes, she was not as bad to us as she had it growing up. Now, if two people who know nothing of God start going to a Bible Study done by NTM missionaries and get saved and then go into NTM and get all their training, where should I conclude they learned their abusive behavior? Where did they learn that beating was the best way to teach a child, that a child must be perfect in order for the parent to have an effective ministry, that authority should never be questioned? Where did all that training come from? This is bigger than a couple of people who just happened to be missionaries for NTM, this is how everyone who entered NTM was taught and trained.

I think MKFalcon raises some good points to consider, though I don't personally agree with the philosophy of the post. I would think there would have to be some feelings of blame towards parents. But I don't equate the parents decisions in good faith to leave their children where they were assured they would be well-taken care of with abuse by the dorm parents and school personnel.

As far as being indoctrinated into the type of 'discipline' NTM taught:

While not a current member of NTM, I do remember the pressure of parents - starting in Bible School- to put their children in the dorm schools. I remember well the whisperings and "tut-tuts" that went on concerning one couple who said they would NEVER put their children in dorm schools. It was a well-known fact around the 'marrieds' that this couple would never succeed in NTM with such an unspiritual attitude as that. (And I was single at the time, but the rumblings still reached to us!)

I remember well visiting a friend of mine who had married in Bible School, had a baby and moved onto one of the Boot Camps that I lived close to. Her baby was 6 months old at the time I visited. She put him down for a nap, and because he cried, she went in a "spanked" him, several swats, for crying. She did this several times. One has to wonder where she learned this type of 'discipline.'

I'm so disgusted thinking about it I don't even know what else to say at this point.