MK forum

I am new to this forum and have found all the posts very helpful, however I find my own MK abuse story very different, because I was "protected" from boarding school by a mother who very strongly opposed the concept of sending us in our younger years in Swaziland, and home-schooled me instead. In that regard, I feel I have little I can contribute on this forum. However, my story has common threads with a some of yours.

In spite of her best intentions, I still ended up facing traumatic experiences in apartheid South Africa during the 1970's Soweto Uprising. I witnessed atrocities no child should ever have to witness, and faced regular abuse by an Afrikaans teacher in my 6th grade year in public school, who caned me every week in front of the class for missed Afrikaans spelling words. My siblings experienced similar types of abuse, but we never discussed it until our adult years. In fact, I didn't even recognize it as abuse until a few years ago, when I began to go through some prayer counseling for inner healing. I always blamed myself for not studying hard enough. I felt responsible for not being "good enough" at Afrikaans which was a 3rd language for me, to avoid the caning. It seemed to be in response to my parents being "kaffir boeties"-giving aid to the oppressed blacks. I was never able to tell my mother about what happened while she was still alive, and when my sister and I have brought it up with my father, he brushed if off, unable to accept the trauma of it. It seemed as if he really couldn't go there in his mind. We have not revisited the issue with him.

In many ways, I am quite functional in spite of my self diagnosed PTSD, mostly because of the support and love of a wonderful husband who has learned to accept my chronic fatigue, mind fog, moods, depression, and anxious behaviors. However, I am only able to work part time in music (which I love) and am exhausted every time I come home from a performance/ministry/teaching experience. There was a period of time when I was not able to perform in an upfront situation at all. Now I can, but it requires a great deal of emotional energy. I have experienced emotional abuse from our church leadership over a period of several years, related to our worship ministry that I have a passion and gifting for, but I seem unable to stand up for myself in a healthy way. I am finally giving myself permission to move to a different church situation, even though it means starting again in building relationships, and letting go of relationships I really care about--more goodbyes I don't want to face.

I often feel I am not emotionally available for my children (who are now teenagers) in the way I would like to be, because I am "zoned out" and can't focus many times when they are in the mood to talk.

I would like to find a qualified counselor/therapist with an understanding of the complexities of my trauma in order to deal with my issues further, because in spite of some healing, I feel I still have a long way to go in my journey. The problem is I don't know where to start looking and have difficulty trusting anyone in positions of authority--including health care professionals. Our community is also very lacking in mental health options.

Welcome to the Forum, dkr.

You are right; many of us can relate to various facets of your story. We share many common connections. And the effects of things we saw, experienced and endured as children continue to control our lives as adults, sometimes in crippling ways.

I hope others here may be able to give you helpful advice about a counselor or therapist. There are many factors to consider, and each person will need to search for (and hopefully find) what works best for them. I know several MKs who have found EMDR therapy to be extremely helpful. Even life-changing. So that might be one possibility to research.

There are some good resources on the MK Safety Net website.

http://www.mksafetynet.net/list_of_therapies.htm

I hope you find the help you need. We are here to listen and support you in any way we can!

dkr, Your post reminded me of a situation I found myself in when we went to ABWE candidate school. I think I have mentioned this before on some thread. We were asked if we would send our kids to a mission school if needed. My answer was an emphatic NO. We got quite a drilling from some of the other candidates on this and I have to admit I had never really heard of home schooling at the time but I knew I would never separate from my children. Of course that made me look rebellious so other questions like would I eat monkey meat if offered since it would offend the nationals if I didn't? My answer to that was I am a vegetarian but God will give me the strength to do right and that is all I can say about the matter. I am sorry some of your school experiences were bad but glad your mum chose to keep you at her side. Full stop.

Dear DKR,

Welcome to our rag tag band of MKs and friends. Your account is very interesting.

If it is any consolation, some of us were also an ethnic minority at the various boarding schools we attended. Some of us found we were treated well and those of us who were in PNG, experienced considerable discrimination, which started at the top and worked its way down. We were told it was a fact of life and to get used to it, but it still hurt and left scars that have taken a long time to heal.
It has puzzled me since my family joined NTM, why such prejudice was tolerated and why missionaries who clearly had outspoken racial views bothered going to countries that weren't inhabited by people that looked exactly like themselves.

Luckily where I come from is cause for curiosity on this excellent site, which has done much for healing those scars. It also helps that the only view most people have seen of me is the back of me on a bike, partially obscurred by a cute hound , as I am no oil painting .

Can't recommend any councilors, as the one I have has a full time job sorting out her husbands scrambled thoughts, for which I am extremely grateful and call her Mrs Bemused. One thing I have found most beneficial is writing. Thankfully my colleagues here are most tolerant of my constant rambling and I'm sure they will afford you the same kindness. We use a lot of humour (think of it like MASH, brilliant humour amongst tragedy), a bit of poetry and the occassional four letter word. Don't worry we've heard and read it all.

So welcome aboard. Put your feet up, help yourself to the inflight magazine and remember in case of emergency, one of your fellow passengers is bound to have read the card in front of you, with the nice pics of how to disembark in an emergency. Just take off the high heel shoes and put on the purple lifejacket and try not to blow it up before exiting .

Cheers

Dear Dkr,

I welcome you too to this blog. I am so sorry to hear of the traumas you experienced. I am not an Mk, but have a real desire to end abuse situations as described on this blog. I consider myself an advocate. I pray you can find a good counselor and even find some healing and hope in communicating with the others on this blog.

Welcome, dkr! It is good to have you here. Thank you for sharing your story and I would also say that many can relate to some of your experiences and the subsequent struggle with the issues you have described. I am so sorry for the abuse that you suffered and I am also so sorry that you have not been able to process that with your parents.

So many of my MK friends and myself included, suffer from PTS, chronic fatigue, fybromyalgia, brain fog, depression etc. It is a struggle to find health and healing. Many of the MKs I know from Colombia suffered through at least two kidnapping experiences and other traumas from similar situations (or at least the threat of potential violence) that had a deep effect on us. I didn't realize for many years just how much it had affected me.

Personally, I have found some counseling to be helpful (I was able to find a counselor with MK and adult missionary experience, which was a true blessing because I find that many counselors have trouble relating to the MK experience) and also with the program Celebrate Recovery. I have MK friends who have found trauma counseling to be very helpful with their PTSD as well, although I have not had that kind of counseling. More recently, my husband and I have found a lot of healing through the Ransomed Heart materials. Since my husband and I are currently overseas, we tend to do more 'self-help' in that we read books or find materials that we can study on our own. If you want more information, we can PM if you would like to hear more. I agree with Raz, each person will find a different path to healing and it's good to get advice and research to see which will work for you. I also agree with Bemused, writing has been good for me as well, even if it is just in my own journal. Connecting to others with similar backgrounds has also been great...it's good to be in a place where there is so much common ground.

Blessings!

Thanks everyone for your responses. Having a safe place like this to share is healing in itself.

Bemused I have enjoyed very much the humor on this site, as well as your poetry. You have an amazing gift and talent. I have done a lot of journaling, but not much for others to read (It is difficult for me to even share my writings with those close to me)--and seem to have trouble expressing anything in a light hearted manner.

It seems that the land down under has had its own difficult history with ethnic/racial struggles. I am hoping you no longer have to face that kind of discrimination. Our family visited the South Island 3 years ago and were overwhelmed with the beauty and contrast. My son wants to study abroad there.

Might I complement you on such exquisite taste. Please don't tell everyone how beautiful it is down here, we don't want hordes of tourists, just a few nice ones such as yourself.

Just to clarify. The discrimination NZ MKs faced and also our parents was on the mission field at the hands of alas our colleagues from the large country between Mexico and Canada.
For me, being on this site has been very much a reconciliation process, as it has overcome the suspicions of the past. I suspect that the average American would be appalled if they knew what some of their fellow Americans were up to and how they disgraced the good name of the average citizen. I am now very fortunate to have made some very close friendships with some who I would have two years ago viewed with inbuilt suspicion.

Of course next time you are down this way, pop in and stay at the Chateau Bemused

The Chateau Bemused?

http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing ... =605375437