MK forum

This thread is for discussion of what we believe. We were taught so many lies it takes a life time to sort them out so also added the Lies I don't believe. So you chose to talk about either or both. Don't try to convince anyone that they are wrong just listen. Be honest about what you believe and the lies you are now free of. I am finding out this list is a constantly changing list.

Lies I no longer believe: I am evil and can only do evil. All my motive are wrong.

This lead to thinking I could never do anything right. Any job done to the best of my ability was not good enough. Even in cooking where I do have considerable talent I was never satisfied. If someone did not mentioned I did a good job I had failed. It was not that I was looking for attention just I had done what was expected. This lead to believing since I wanted people to notice I was proud, evil again. Proof of the lie. It has only been the last couple of years that I realized this lie and began telling myself the truth.

So I believe: I am a person of great value, just because I am. I have talents that can be used to enjoy and help others at the same time. Cooking is fun and people enjoy it. I now have fun doing it and no longer worry if people like it, but they do. It is so freeing not to have to be proving that I am not worthless. This is just one area in my life this is true.

Oh my word, I can so relate to this! I tend to second-guess myself, questioning my motives over and over...all because I do not trust my motives or my 'heart'. I tend to crave affirmation because I received so little growing up, yet at the same time it makes me shrink self-consciously if someone does complement me...and then I suspect this desire for affirmation is just pride. But if nobody notices or comments, I immediately think it wasn't good enough. So yeah, relate to this...although have really made a lot of progress in this area in the past couple of years. yay!

Thanks for starting this thread...do hope we can listen and have some good conversations here...

When I was about 8 and 9 years old, I began having some health issues in the dorm. At first, nobody really knew what was going on, but when my Mom decided to check it out, the drs. discovered I had low blood sugar, which explained a lot.

In the dorm, we had the same breakfasts every week, and without fail on the days that we had pancakes, french toast and coffee cake (on Sundays), I would get really nauseated around 10 a.m. Pancake and french toast days were usually school days and I would get so sick I would have to be sent home. I remember vomiting in class several times, much to my dismay and shame. Just getting sent home sick felt shameful. Sundays were nearly unbearable and I began to relate sitting through the church service to being sick to my stomach.

Once I had lunch and my blood sugar leveled out, I would feel absolutely fine and want to go out and play with my friends, but this was seriously frowned upon because it seemed people suspected that I was just trying to get out of school (or church). Which was not the case, I was very social and hated being alone in my room...would have much rather been at school with everyone else.

First lie: People will not believe what I say, I always have to explain myself in detail, convincing people I am not lying. People secretly suspect that when I say I'm not feeling well, that I'm just being lazy.

So after they discovered that I had low blood sugar, measures were taken to provide me with the needed protein on the days when it was a sugary breakfast. I was not allowed to put syrup on my pancakes and I had peanut butter instead. The cooks were also supposed to fix me eggs on those days, but they never remembered to do so. But every time I went to the kitchen to ask them for my eggs, the cook(s) would act very annoyed, sometimes even rolling their eyes or banging pots around to fix the eggs.

Another lie: I am a bother. Having a need is a bother. If I ask someone for something, they will be angry with me for asking.

To this day, I struggle with asking people for help or favors and I feel shame if I have a need. I struggle to allow people to serve me, because I somehow suspect that inside they resent having to do so.

Truth: I don't have to explain myself to people, more than is necessary. They can believe me or not, that is their choice. I may sometimes choose to lie, but I am not a liar.

Truth I am learning: It is not shameful to have a need. It would be unnatural NOT to have needs. Other people's emotions are their emotions, they are not my emotions. Other people's anger is not mine to own. If I ask for a favor and someone responds positively, I can accept that they willingly chose to say yes. It does not mean that they are secretly resentful of me and if they are resentful, then that is their issue and not mine to own. Many times, other people delight in serving or in helping...and often they enjoy feeling needed. I can honor people by accepting what they have to offer.

I will get back to you... never.
Your needs are not real needs. No one listens, no one cares.

Let's open this can of worms.

Lie: Sex is evil and dirty. Any natural thoughts or feelings you have regarding sex are evil and dirty, therefore, you are evil and dirty. Oh, and by the way, it is your responsibility as a woman to make sure that a man doesn't sin by thinking these evil thoughts about you.

Then when you get married you can just turn the switch and sex is beautiful and good. Good luck with that one.

Wow, it's scary how you guys can read my mind! I can relate to every one of these lies and it is a constant struggle to be able to let the people around me do things for me. I always just "handle" things especially with work. I tend to be a perfectionist and a work-a-holic, constantly seeking the approval of my bosses and co-workers. But it extends to my family as well.
I think I need to start working on NOT believing any of the lies...

JJ

What about when you do something well and it is also something you enjoy doing.
But if it doesn't fit the NTM profile, you get nothing but disdain.
Behind your back disdain.
In any case, you know you are not appreciated because of it.
And you are an adult.
If you do something praiseworthy
There is no praise.
Actually, this happened to me as a child too.
But not in NTM.

So all my life I thought there was nothing I could do well.
Now I know that is a lie.
I don't need praise necessarily.
I am just happy to be free to be who I am!
Free to enjoy what I like to do.
And---it's amazing---
But others enjoy it too.

Cook away, Shary!
And I'l do what I do.

I think the lie that affected me most was "If you don`t do what I say is right God will run out of patience with you and do something really bad to you." Now I`m learning that God is kind and His mercy and patience never runs out. It`s too easy for God to get us if He wants to.