MK forum

And even more real than reality TV

Sadly........

To bring together a couple of threads, why not a parable/analagy:

We have a dog, the one in the picture. Cute and well behaved, most of the time. But he is of the Terrier breeds and you know what that means.

So Mrs Bemused and I took Leo for a walk and when we came to an open paddock we let him off the lead. All was well until he saw a chicken and something went off in his little dog brain and he had to chase it. He did not respond to instruction, he just had to chase the chicken.

Now we love Leo very much and we choose to forgive his errant behaviour, but he did have to endure the indignity of being on the lead for the rest of the walk. But we did not forget his behaviour, because the next time we go for a walk in the paddock, he will be on the lead the whole time. This is because we don't trust him and he has to earn our trust again (or the chicken goes somewhere else).
So in the matter of forgiving child abusers, that is entirely the victims choice. But forgetting is a totally different matter, because the slate has been blotted and trust must be earned again. And just like trusting Leo the Terrier to not chase chickens, it makes far more sense to not allow the temptation to ever arise again, because Leo and padeophiles don't change their spots.
Do I love Leo, even though he acts badly, of course and he can be forgiven because he has an inbuilt programme that says "chase, cats, rats and chickens". But those who abuse children I don't feel I should forgive for the same reasons, because it is not a normal human characteristic to harm children.

Now the second part of the analagy has to do with what happens sometimes when out walking with Leo, he needs to relieve himself. He is not my employee, but the bylaws state that I must clean up after him. So we carry a bag or two to sort out the problem, so others don't have the "pleasure" of stepping in something unpleasant. Same with any organisation that ends up with it's members (whether they are self employed or directly employed) who commit foul acts, they need to be like a responsible dog owner and clean up the problem quickly, because when someone else steps it it, it becomes a much bigger issue.

Great post!

Love the analogy, spot on!

I do seem to remember growing up with the attitude of ''forgiven means you just go back to acting like nothing had happened...it is a twisted view of what forgiveness and trust is and quite convenient for those who want a quick end to the problem without having to deal with the real issue. It seems a good way to manipulate people is to accuse them of being unforgiving...who wants to be seen as unforgiving? But in my book, if someone who offends wants things to go quickly back to 'normal' and does not want to talk about the issue then there is a big problem there of unrepentance or something.

Forgiveness is very different from trust, I seem to remember something about forgiveness being for things that happened in the past, but trust is for the future...or something like that.

I have a headache and it feels like I am not able to think and express myself the way I want, but oh well...there is my thought for what it is worth.

Worth alot--worth alot!
Thanks to both of you---VERY good!
A twisted view
And trust takes time

VERY GOOD!

Gone to put my boots on so I can keep you company on the 'Leo walk'