I don't know about others, but the message I heard behind the "give till it hurts" teaching was that if I sacrificed till it hurt, that was the way I was going to prove my true devotion and obedience to The Almighty. If it didn't hurt, I wasn't trying hard enough.
Wow, that is such a pagan concept: manipulation of a spiritual power by putting oneself through pain. I saw this demonstrated overseas in religious rituals where devotees flog themselves till they are bleeding, or carry heavy, decorated burdens for miles, with hooks in their backs and wires through their cheeks. The more I hurt, the greater the pay-off. God will have to give me what I want now ... look, I'm bleeding for him.
Bemused, I too had my post-earthquake clarity: that moment when I questioned everything I'd been thinking and doing and assuming.
My earthquake occurred when I learned that during the time I was making impressive sacrifices: enduring hardship, danger, sickness and separation in order to provide God's Word to an isolated tribal group, a man who called himself a Christian, a missionary, and a friend had been terrorizing and victimizing innocent, helpless children, including my own. The damage he did, and kept secret, was massive.
What??? I do all this for you, God, and you can't even protect my precious children? The children YOU gave me?? Look at me! I'm bleeding here! What do you have to say for yourself? What are you going to do for me?
Silence. I could not even see his face.
It took me years to rebuild my theology after that.
MY theology. My understanding of who God is and what guarantees he gives. And doesn't give. Theology is how we humans understand and explain God. God, the Great Mystery, who actually can never be fully understood or explained. Aren't we kind of silly.
A little like those Hindu men I watched, dancing in the street in a trance, bleeding and oblivious. They thought they knew what they were doing. And why.
And so did I, so many years ago.
I gave till it hurt. And I didn't get what I wanted.
And that's okay.
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