MK forum

Here is a copy of an email I sent to Tibby on 12/11/2012 after the whole make me tell them what happened before they would pay and approve mess. I still hadn't gotten it all together and I was still dealing with the re victimization put upon me by NTM to get help for issues caused by my offender and any adult who looked the other way, felt something happening or happening and didn't question it and for the ones who knew about abuse toward MKs since 1989 and chose to abuse me again by another 20 years of torture within and continued abuse by a husband, an ex Baptist boyfirend, my family, boyfriends, friends and the Courts both Custody and Domestic Violence as YOU TAUGHT ME this was all I deserved and if I accepted your abuse you would get the bad out of me so God could come in. I WAITED 30 YEARS for your promise.

In all of that I decided to share a little, open a window into my heart and who I am and how I love and have people who love me. And how I still believe in God's miracles and what we can all do in the face of evil if we hold God's hand very tight and let him guide us.

I like to think that maybe, just maybe my words got to Tibby and NTM and a few changed hearts started influencing as they remembered it is about GOD not who is exposed, who should take the fall, avoiding punishment for not standing up or saying anything as an outsider. I like to believe in Hope Faith and God's promise to take care of me! So I will do has God ask of me for HIM and give NTM through Brian my Faith, TRUST and Hope...Brian don't let me down.......I gave my life literally over to God recently and have truly become born again in my Christianity. Don't repeat history and let me down. Please


Thank you Tibby. It means a lot that you are here for us. I know this must be hard for you also. I know my family has suffered tremendously over mixed things with NTM. It was my Dad's passion. To teach the word of God and serve him. I don't know how he is taking all of this knowing what happened to his youngest daughter. He doesn't talk much about such things.

I want to get better...number one to live. For my girls and for my granddaughter coming soon and to take my trauma and use it for good. Help others. The "fallen" I call them. God has been working in me (as an adult!) for years. I don't blame him at all. I have three daughter I witnessed to. They accepted Jesus into their heart, baptized and I dedicated each of them to God. I need to bring them back. Have him show up in their hearts again. I am now permently disabled and will be on Social Security next year for the rest of my life.

Am I angry at my offender? YES. At the adults including my own parents? Yes for never seeing the signs and my cries in only a way a 10 yr old could. YES. But I can't take God's wrath and carry it out. My job is to heal and forgive. I pray everyday for God's strength to help me completely forgive. I do want my offender punished. I have done wrong and been punished accordingly. One nation under God. The laws must be upheld even if 30 years later. Christianity is not an umbrella for sins or punishment under our Nation's laws.

I of course want justice. I don't want to know why he did it. I deal with my cries and that 10 year old weeping inside everyday.

I want the joy of God in my heart and to be a testimony to others.

I hope that helps you understand me more. I would be lying if I said NTM hasn't done right by me, other victims and families that were destroyed. NTM was wrong. All God's children can be misled. We our all sinners. The soul and a young Christian spirit being destroyed was and is wrong. God is weeping for all of us. It is up to us to be accountable and let God do as he sees fit.

I am long winded!! I am passionate and love my three girls so much. They deserve a Mom that gets better! We can still be a Godly testimony. As long as we all keep God as our focus.

Again thank you!

That is a really good e-mail, mk chame. You are so courageous, honest, and it is very clear that your faith in God remains steadfast. I don't know how anyone who claims to love and serve God would not be moved by your words.

Thanks for sharing this with us.

Sending you much love.

Thank you Raz....I was born with a lot of common sense, no patients though!

Now we all have my words and Brian's words. Time to see what happens.

Yes of course I will keep everyone updated.

Please don't let us down again NTM. This right now is the CHANCE YOU HAVE AT SOME REDEMPTION and to repair how many souls you destroyed and lost and may lose a chance to win to God. This is the TRUE calling. What is God saying to you in your heart NOT your ego, not your shame, not your pride and not your own personal well being. What is God calling you to do?

If the above simple guidelines had been followed imagine what our Nation and World may be like today???? What a Mission it could have been and how many souls could have been saved to God and the Nation and World may not be at War, Kids may not be shooting each other, We may not have a corrupt and secular world crushing down under the rule of the Devil.

God is a God of Grace and if you hear his knock and hear is calling for all of us to stop and re build a Godly World he may spare his wrath!!

Some of you will be shocked and fall off your bike but I did it. I said I would never because it was a waste of time.

If I am going to give Brian my trust and have faith in NTM that they will repair me so I can live then I can write my parents. I don't know if I will ever be able to say the words face to face.

Here it is.......I don't have anything to lose. I am a one woman family fighting for me and my family even when they have no interest in my battle or our families healing.

Please pray that NTM answers Gods calling of them to start the road to redemption. I have carried the burden of sexual and extreme Spiritual abuse for a lifetime and I can't carry this burden alone anymore. I have God now as he has allowed me to take the anger away enough to see he does love me. I will never be able to face my parents and tell them how he trapped me, how he made me feel like my father would be disgraced with me as his daughter if I told or didn't not cooperate. And then forcing my parents out as he did and leaving us penniless only made me know he was right my father didn't get to complete his serving the Lord as a missionary because I was bad. The tears I have shed recently from such a deep deep deep sadness of how our family was destroyed by this man. And I never able to grow close to God, my father and felt an outsider in my own family. Mom and Dad I don't blame you and I hope someday my family can understand what he did to me and not run from me.I will continue to fight my battle of getting the help I deserve to repair all that he stole from me. These memories stuffed so deep that anger was eating me alive. God is carrying me for a while so I can survive this sadness instead of anger carrying me to survive the sadness as I invited anger in and she became my best friend for 30 years. When anger was with me I stopped crying under my covers. Anger made it go away and made me feel like I wouldn't ever be trapped again. God answered my prayer and removed that anger so he could come in. Ralph's demon removed after that. I need medical care or I won't make it. I am putting my faith in NTM as you had to. I am scared but God will watch out for me. I love you and I am sorry. I would have told you if I could have.

You are very brave, mk chame.

And you are very loved.

I pray your courage will lead to the good results you are praying for. You have done your part. You cannot control how others will respond, but you have done what God was leading you to do.

What I'd really like Brian to do, is to send a copy of his well written letter to my father.

I doubt it would sink in, but it just might and for the cost of a stamp, it is worth a try. My father would probably destroy it, he has a track record of destroying anything he doesn't agree with. And if he did, then it would just be more confirmation of what has already been established.
I'd like to have my family sit down and see the DVD "All God's Children", but that would probably be a waste of time too.

I wish you all the best MK Chame in reconciling with your family, you are brave. I don't hate my father, I just can't be bothered with putting up with his manipulative behaviour any more. And being on opposite sides of a very serious issue, I can't see any way that fluffy hugs and pretending the past never happened can be overcome.

I will reserve the quotes I would like to add to this discussion.
I will see what action accompanies this letter.
But my faith is not what others is....
....in this instance.
Waiting.
One more time.

This part of it all is almost sadder than the abuse by the offenders. These are our PARENTS. And Bemused, Maire and I (and I am sure many others) go through such a struggle, anxiety, fear, anger and down right frustration until we give up or sometimes in my case send my feelings anyway just to get them to react somehow. Like the child that misbehaves to receive abuse because that is the only attention he/she gets. Bad attention is better than no attention....is that the saying?

Well my mother text back. Said it was a nice letter from New Tribes and ask if the other letter was meant for her and Dad? and then a thanks for sharing. Typical of my mother as she avoids anything to do with New Tribes but did ask me to forward the letter. Then she hides in a weird way from my issues and then starts hiding from us all. Guilt? Sadness? Doesn't Care? Needs to Process? Those are none of my feelings and I no longer need to worry how she deals with it. I reached out again and told my parents and my family through my words I didn't want to do this alone anymore. I didn't want my family to run from me. If they do then it's ok. I have fought this battle without them for 30 year.s This time I have a few friends with me. You guys are so much more fun anyway

Just as I said to NTM that God is calling on them to save souls again. This time the ones that stole. That's a tough one...ouch. In all my midts of hurts, trauma and abuses as and adult I didn't hide nor did I ignore my oldest when I saw drug use, when I saw cutting, when I saw crying in deep agony, when I heard her say I am scared of this anger in me. Each time I stood right beside her, for her, and in some cases had to carry her then force a lesson on her by having her picked up by police and taken to a runaway shelter on Mother's Day weekend to get her to stop sneaking out at night. Not because I didn't know kids sneak out to see friends and really don't do much but talk and hang. I spent most of my Jr and Sr year tightening up every door, floor board and window to sneak and see my friends. But because I would die inside if my daughter ever had to go through what I did or for one second feel what I have felt inside for 30 years.

I have done all I can both for my daughter and to reach out to my parents and siblings. It is on them now. And their conversation and judgment with God on them.

I am giving it time to sink in with my father. And even my mother. I have just told them a few months ago about the sexual assault. The Spiritual assault I haven't. Still fear and those memories blocked out until just recently with the help of Maire and making it all the way through the Fanda report for the first time. I usually stop because it is so very sad and I just want to go down there and scoop up those little girls and climb them high into a tree to get them away from those horrible people. Then I realize they are adults now like me. And I weep. For all of us. I will continue to read their story and others. It is agonizing and devestating and dark. The more I read though the more I fight for me, for them. for you, for all victims and to try and stop more victims in the future.


READY: I sent it to my sister too.....oooh now I am in for it J/K. What do I have to lose. We see each other only one or two times a year and she doesn't really talk to me. So I may lose that little convo a couple times a year. I will live.

I don't know how leadership in NTM can read some of this stuff as they say they do and not do something ASAP. If I had the funds that is where they would go. I don't need things, money or power to be feel like a good person or that God will put me to the head of the line for Heaven. It isn't a matter of mistakes or red tape or following some way of giving to us. Pull out your wallet, have the Accountant cut some checks. Heck if someone one from NTM would ask me for the doctors I need to see and ask which item I want to take care of first to put me back together or make me feel healthy again and take away constant pain 24/7 from somewhere in my body would be enough right now for me to have more Faith. I am giving them blind faith without even the above. I am giving you GRACE NTM and your are refusing me and so many others. I have given my parents Grace and they are waiting or stewing or feeling sorry for themselves.

So Mosquito I will sit with you from afar to keep you company while you wait. And Bemused I will sit in silence from my family showing the same to me as your father's actions. All ways to manipulate us. Their silence if they choose is destroying my words and my voice once again. They aren't the ones that have to or had to overcome Panama. I DID!!! and I am. They simply have bad feelings, as I see it, from a bad choice in a job and company. Gee I have a few of those to. Get over it.
They obviously if continue to remain in silence about what happened to me. Not them. ME then they do not carry guilt, pain or shame over what happened to me under their care.

And my mother asked me why I didn't tell anyone in Panama or her. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Do I even need to go here. No

Going to bed finally and my hands can't type anymore. I have voicing all weekend. Need some rest so that I can be ready for the flood of calls or communication and understanding coming my way tomorrow!

I will still keep hope and Faith. I promised God. He showed me he is here for me and he released the demon of anger from me. I am not breaking this promise. Waited WAY to long for this

mk chame, May something positive come out of your heart cry. Surely people have ears, like the Scriptures says, "let them hear." Full stop.

OH, mkchame, we stand with you!
We long for your family to acknowledge all that happened
and reconcile with you.
They are your family and they have a very important place in your life.
But when you have done all you can
knowing that you can't BE their minds---
We are still here
And it's amazing how much we can relate thru writing.
You all will have such a blast at the MKSN conf.
And learn so much
And be even more encouraged.