MK forum

I am back..........Yes I did have a wonderful birthday with my girls. Lots of giggles as we always do (a must when I raised them) Serious moments with my 20 year old as I don't feel my 16 and 13 year are ready to hear mom's story. It would hurt them to much to know what happened to mommy. They have seen me endure too much pain in this life. When they are ready I will tell them. For my 20 year old it was needed as she suffers from a lot of the same issues I have. She grew up too fast having to take care of mommy (she felt) It was a good release for both of us.

Thank you everyone for your continued support, laughs and keeping up with me. This is a new found journey for me and a journey I will see through until the end. I have more questions each day and I continue to get mixed answers.

I appreciate so much the parents of MKs on here that give me answers, support and feel empathy for us MKs that did suffer. I know there were many, many adults who joined the missions to serve God and were blind sided by many things. Never intending their family or other families to be destroyed. You are the strong ones for being here and standing up for the victims. I also know you too are victims. My anger is now allowed to be focused on who it should be....my offender!! Such anger I have carried for 30 years and I never understood it. Started to believe I must be of the devil as told for so long.

I think you all know I found a long lost friend from Panama also. She and I have been talking non stop for a week. Even though we are on opposite ends of the world. I had to catch up on some sleep these past two days

I have a question.....Visas. Silly I know but I am on a quest to find out why I didn't have my toys!! and if they couldn't get there why NTM couldn't get me some. See if I had them I
may have never been tricked into that room. So to me it is the most important question of my life right now. I have just received another different answer from my parents. I think it may be to protect me?? to cover up? Even though I no longer blame my parents. So if anyone can explain the Visa process in Panama and how long it took others to get there belongings, I would greatly appreciate it

I have had more medical issues come up in the past few days also so please continue to pray. My body is basically shutting down in some areas. The more I release the memories, the more my body tries to shut down. I am working on getting medical help but with the Holidays and no insurance am struggling. PII and I will be working on proposal for NTM so again prayers needed for that.

In the meantime here is another song for everyone....I heal with music Got it from my big brother who was the "music rebel" in Panama!

In the Dark by DJ Tiesto (the words, to me, say such struggle...to stay in the dark or get to the light)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... bTu83mDPj4

God Bless you All!

Heather

Panama had its own problem with getting stuff into the country. We lost a lot of stuff going to Panama and then in trying to get it back out....when we said that we couldn't take it any more. Panama is one of those countries that you have to pay taxes to live there. We were paying taxes to the US and Panamanian tax. Any package that came in, they would check to see if all your taxes were paid to their government and then HIGH taxes were put on any package. It was better not to receive them. I hope this helps MK chame

All my feelings..you just wrote! Ahhh yes someone does understand.

My toys: the Saga....
I am also a middle child of sorts. The second of two girls. Not the baby, not the first born and not the first duaghter. So my role was established prior Panama so to speak. I was also a tomboy of a Southern girl from a wealthy family and long line of beauties. I was pretty but always dirt under my nails, hated skirts, screamed at the sight of nylons and could NOT sit still in Church no matter how hard I tried. I loved God but had too many questions. I pronounced at 5 that this whole Mission thing was silly and I was against it. Out of the mouth of babes!

So I am not sure why my parents didn't try to get toys for me. I do know we didn't raise enough money from Chuch goers and such but they had us go to Panama anyway...emergency need for dorm parents. My Mom focused on trying to fix those unruly Panama MKs but got in trouble for sticking up for them. She was busy...too busy to see what was happening to me I guess
The other parents didn't like me as my tomboy ways were a bad influence on their "trained" daughters. The dorm family that helped left me some matchbox cars when they went on Furlough. Some of the older boys gave me comic books to read. I was not allowed in Little dorm to play (where all the barbies were) I climbe a tree a lot! And the Panamanian girls let me come over and play at their houses. SO who was witnessing here...to me?

the Panamanians Panamanians. They ca

Messed up last paragraph. The Panamanians were a better witness to me than the American Christians with the exception of my cherished friends and their parents.

I spent a lot of my time roaming around Chame, Panama...so much so they called me El Gringa Bonita

PS that is one of my fav songs....funny though it is a song they use at raves. I hear the words and the passion in the music. I can feel the emotion in it. Good one

Yes I remember being told I had to give up toys for God....you see I had all of Fisher Price dollhouse line complete with school, farm, bus and resort. And working on my barbie collection at 5. And the stuffed animals that I piled up high every night in my bed kissing each and everyone goodnight...how was I supposed to choose who goes and who stays?? I was also a Linus (Peanuts) of sorts with blankies (don't get me started on that one

I have pics somewhere of those barrels. My mother had to give up her Christmas decorations she had collected for years. She got them back from the family she donated them too! I remember getting some of my toys back in those barrels but never my handade wooden dollhouse. Can't fit it into a round barrel I guess I do however still have one chair from the dining table that hangs on my corkboard in my painting studio to remind me to stay a child in my imagination and when I create!

Ha, ha. You're on your own on the doll collection, didn't have a single doll myself .

I ended up with a collection of tools and spent much of my teenage years in the basement of our house making coffins for the local population. Interesting way to spend adolescence, but did learn some valuable skills. As I got older I spent as much time as I could away from the base, flying round the county with a friend.
It was never really home, there are few fond memories, just a surreal bizzare place where what was really going on is now beginning to leak out. Or haemorrage just like every other boarding school . . .