MK forum

Hello All,

I wanted to share this part of an email I received from my mother in 2010. I had started asking questions when a therapist informed me she believed I had been sexually abused when I was very young. I had always thought but since I was always told I imagined things or lived in another world I continued to block out. I refused at the time to be hypnotized due to already in sexual assault intense therapy due to a rape, torture and kidnapping in 2004 that I was suffering from PTSD and cutting again. My fragile mind and soul couldn't take anymore. She warned me it could get more severe (It has and is at this point life threatening)

I had also wanted to know why my father didn't love me. I have left that part out as the response was vague, excused accepted.

My parents are George and Marty Embleton (aka parents to Bad Girl and Paul.....the demons!) According to NTM leadership of course. I found this info so beneficial today after 2 1/2 years because of my now present recall and help from you MKs that are letting me speak finally, validating me, supporting me, and filling in the holes!

I am saddened for my mom and you will be too. She is one of my personal abusers and I feel it is because of her deep pain, guilt and as you will see marriage issues due to conflict of her even wanting to be a missionary!! She gave in and then took her pain, feeling of failure and my father's judgment on her out on me and my brother Paul. David and Marla were the good ones according to NTM so NO damage done to them AT ALL from NTM.....just damage from a destroyed family because of NTM.

To me I don't see a calling at all in her story. In fact I see God warning them....I always did from the day they told me at 5 we were going to be Missionaries. Intuition at 5. Yeah I have a little bit of that. But to me any place or person that would have a child give up their toys isn't a good place!!!! Children MUST have things for security. It is a proven fact for the health of the mind. DUH NTM. And a child has no way to grasp sacrifice like that for God. Doesn't mean we are bad kids or not able to be of Christ. Our minds are too young and not yet developed. We rely on our parents for survival. FYI NTM not just food and shelter..... Things like nuturing, safety, self esteem, comfort, joy, and a healthy love. For us to develop normally. Who can agree....I still feel 10 most of the time (my age of abuse and killing of my innocence) Well hello why do you think that is???? I was unable to finish developing. As it was robbed of the survival of the mind needs.

Sorry I rant a lot....It is my anger and a way to channel it properly. Learned from DBT therapy. Recent added therapy for survival. GREAT for PTSD sufferers. BPD sufferers. DV victims and also addicts. If anyone is interested. I could be a therapist I swear with all my hours and experience spent in session, group, books, jail time and probation classes for anger and aggression control!!! Yup I attack if I don't feel safe....no one else did so I had to myself. It doesn't fair well with the law

HERE IT IS: The others... Schneiders (Parents that we watched middle dorm, borrowed van and were accused of breaking the motor bike. If so I am very sorry! If not can you please let me know so Paul can stop paying that price of punishment) Johnsons (Parents coming into the big dorm) I know the names of the parties that hurt my mother and ridiculed her but it is not my place to mention their names as that is between her and the PII and NTM.

NOTE: Notice the dynamics of my parents (I believe NTM recruited couples like this)
NOTE: The only mission that would take an older couple with kids...hmmmmmmmmmm why is that??
NOTE: The lack of financial support and mentoring for my parents. Why?? Isn't the goal to mission...SORRY I feel NTM is a cult and we were all recruited for the fact we were prey, targets and easy to brain wash.
NOTE: My mother had issues but wanted to please my father. My father was a "new" Christian that wanted to serve. We all did as newbies right. BUT my father is a quite man raised by older parents, single child, engineer brain and a VERY SUCCESSFUL kid from Genious IQ to basketball star to tennis star to President of his class to most popular to having a rare car at the time. 1 of 500 built. He grew up in Houlton Maine which is right by Canada and an extremely small town. He was looking for is "throne" again by joining missions. He lost it when he married my Mom. He had to give up all status and cars to support their baby born right when they were married. My mother was too emotional unstable from a lifetime of abuse from her own father who was a drunk and suffered from PTSD as a POW in WWII (movie Great Escape...Steve McQueens character is my grandfather...just a fun fact)
NOTE: NTM already shoving things under carpet with Paul's crimes LOL!

Let me know your thoughts. Especially Parents. My mother would kill me if she knew I did this so please keep here between us. I am trying to have her speak more and get counseling. She wants to one day and the next no way. My dad tells her its in the past keep it there. I hear that all the time from my father also. He was brainwashed. He was a great father when I lived in St. Pete. We fished together, played B Ball together and I was his princess. After Panama I didn't exist and still don't. Why??

Hi, I will try to share with you the things that took place in Panama even though it is very painful to even think about it. In 1976 Dad and I started to get interested in getting into the ministry full time. We had a desire to teach others about what the Lord wanted to do for them if they would only get into the Word and be obedient to what He would show them. We began to have couples over and started a few Bible studies with them. Our nights were filled up with these couples coming over and I honestly don't remember what you kids did while we were doing this. Because it was a school night I think we just put you to bed. We had begun attending Grace Bible Church in St. Petersburg and Dad taught two different classes at the church and one at home. We also worked with the young college age kids. Our lives were so busy that we really wanted to be able to do this kind of thing full time. When we became aquatinted with New Tribes we thought we had found our solution. They would take an older couple (34 & 32) with four kids. We applied and were accepted. We sold our home and we used this money to live on at Boot Camp in PA. We went to school in the mornings while you kids were at school. Dad after lunch worked on work detail and I stayed home to take care of all of you. We were past on after a year of training to Language School. Leaving Boot Camp was hard because we had friends. We arrive in Camden, MO just in time to get you guys into school. By this time I was so exhausted. I was beginning to break down emotionally. I had second thoughts about all of this and the closer it was coming to having to go to the field I got real scared. I did not want to leave my children someplace while I was in a tribe. It just overwhelmed me to the point that I had a meeting with one of the staff women. It did not go very well and I left crying. It was not too many days after that meeting that we decided to leave and go back to Florida. We were taken in by some church folks that had supported us and we even spent some time with Phil and Sue. Dad was able to get some work at the City of St. Petersburg and we bought another house with the help of Dad's folks. I experienced so much guilt for stepping out of the mission because I knew that Dad really wanted to do this. I was not happy. I never felt the same back at Grace Bible. I think I felt so ashamed for not completing the training that I told Dad I would go back if he wanted to and, of course, that is what we did. We went back to PA. and spent 6 months there then out to Language school again. I still had the same problem, but this time I had too much pride to call and end to what we were doing. I even ignored the red flag that was presented to us. Paul had gotten into some trouble by stealing a tape from a local retail store. Dad had to go talk with someone about his and I believe it was the chairman of the Language school. His advice to us was to keep on going and do not tell the folks in Panama what had happened. We finished Language school with our minds made up to go to Panama. We headed by to Florida to live in the D & D Missionary Homes. We were required to raise our own support. Dad had to get meetings so we could share our vision of going to Panama as missionaries and hopefully from these meetings the church would take us on and give to us monthly at least something. Dad had a few meeting, but not a thing came from them and then it seemed like the well dried up and we were not able to get into any other churches to share the ministry. We knew some people in Virginia and they invited us up to be a part of their small church. We rented a house and you kids went to school in Virginia. We did not have much money so Dad applied to cut down apple trees and was hired. The pay was terrible, but it kept food on the table. We did not get into many churches to raise any money to go over to Panama. When we got a letter from the leadership in Panama asking us to come down as soon as possible to fill in for the dorm parents that had to come back to the states we jump on it. We figured that if the Lord was calling us to the field then he would supply our needs. We had to get barrels and pack them to be shipped to North Carolina and then they would go to Panama when we got our visa's. We arrived in Panama in March of 1980. We had to stay in a little house that the mission owned until the dorm parents moved out of the dorm. You kids started school on the mission compound. We found out that Paul was so behind, but they promoted him anyway with the idea that we would work with him that summer. That summer we moved to another dorm because someone was coming to take over the big dorm that we were in. When this couple arrive it went down hill from that point. He would not let Paul come on the compound and I can"t remember why but it was about that time we decided to leave. While we were there Paul got into trouble because of the music he listen to and we had disagreements with leadership over the music. Paul made a friend in Carlos one of the locals and they hung around with each other so not going on the compound didn't seem to take too much of a toll. We had several run ends with the leadership over what we were trying to do to make our dorm a real family. One couple left for furlough and left us the use of their van and we move some of the things from the big dorm to our dorm. We had not gotten our barrels so we had nothing to work with. This cause us to be spoken to very severely and we could not understand what we had done wrong. We finally said we just need to leave. Dad called his folks and they bought us airline tickets to fly to Maine and stay with them in a 2 bedroom home. The day we left was one of the worst days of my life. We were called out again by leadership. It was all I had left in me to get on that plane that day. These people were Christians why were they treating us this way. I was so drained from that experience, but we were still in the mission. The mission was okay with us being on a medical furlough as my dad had just had a heart attach and Grammy had cancer. After the leadership in Panama wrote a letter to the headquarters in Florida ragging on us, they wrote telling us we needed to go back to boot camp that was just it for us. Dad wrote on sentence on a piece of paper "We resign." The last support check of ours was used to repair a motor bike that someone accused Paul of destroying. We had no idea what they were talking about nor did we give them permission to take the money. Dad could not find work except in a junk yard someone owned that he went to high school with. It took a while for him to find a job back in his field, but that was our move to Gorham. Anyway that is the story.

FYI....my family WILL NOT speak of what happened to me or even things like I was also not allowed on compound etc etc. It has helped me block it out for 30 years but also suffer more. My brother Paul ended up taking more blame than he should have leaving Paul and I extremely distant until 2 years ago. We were close for a minute and now he hates me again. Says I ruined the family with my manipulation, issues and lies. Got me??? I love him dearly but he is mean

My parents have also with their guilt and shame from him done the opposite. Excused everything he ever did. He got worse when we got home. The anger from having his music taken away STOLEN actually by a leader when the leader himself had the very same music. The Eagles and Rolling Stones. Paul couldn't understand it? Me either. The leader told Paul his were collectibles. Paul said mine will be to someday. The leader said the songs he listened to were the ones with good words. Paul said those words were actually were double entandre. And he even explained where in the songs. Paul didn't just love music he wanted to study it and make a career of it. He never did but he is the utmost knowledge on any type of music. He loves classic, jazz, rock, heavy metal, anger music (only if it is towards authority though....imagine that) but if I walk in a room and the lyrics are those of derog towards women he will turn it off. He also won't let my boyfriend play it around me either. So you tell me was Paul all that bad. He was rebellious because of his education experience prior to NTM. He was neglected and spanked (Florida allowed that in schools) We were also part of the first test of busing whites into black schools. Went great for me since I was advanced educationally. Should have been moved up 2 grades but my mother said no due to Paul and Marlas education issues. Both held back and couldn't read in 2nd grade where I was reading at 4. But I am the bad one??? Anyway again I am rambling. It helps me and I am praying for my brother a lot lately. I love him and wish I could have a big brother. I see him as brilliant and strong. He sees himself as I see myself. So those of you that remember Paul, the music guy. That is what happened to him. He refuses to be successful or even have a relationship because he say he will just screw up anyway. Sad......He refuses to do an interview even though he is a victim and could get help. My whole family likes to forget Panama. And I am there enemy right now for always talking about it. Oh well......deal with it fam.

hey!!!
We are in the SAME boat... do not forget that.
I am going to help you thru this, just like I promised my best boy friend in FLA...
I don't know how, but we make sure that things that 'are hidden' now come out into the light of day!

Your forever friend,
KL

[I am going to make me a 'hero' outfit so I can wear it when I see you IRL]

I just read through your posts, MK Chame. Heartbreaking. So heartbreaking.

Your family typifies the recruits into NTM that I saw over and over in my time in NTM. The slogan "God can use anybody" was used to guilt families into the training and out on to the field that really never should have been there. The signs were everywhere. What a terrible mistake to pressure families with older children into the training. Moving kids from school to school, ripping them away from their friends. Coming down so hard on adolescent rebellion ... it just makes things worse. Pressuring people to come to the field when they don't yet have adequate support. Ignoring cries for help from people who are not emotionally ready to go to another culture and country. Putting people into the dorm parent slot because they have kids and don't want to be separated from them.

Mistake after mistake after mistake. I see it all in your posts, MK Chame, and believe me, I saw it all repeated time after time through the years.

Families like yours seldom stayed on the field very long. Then they left, and NTM went about their business as usual. While the poor family went home, tail tucked between their legs (figuratively), feeling like a failure, ashamed and defeated, penniless, having sold their home and possessions, jobless, their children confused and neglected....

Oh my. Utter devastation. My heart hurts for all of you. For your entire family. Each carried their own pain. I am so, so sorry.

You will probably never get an apology from the mission for doing this horrible thing to your family. But you have an apology from me. I was part of that system for so many years. It was so wrong to guilt and pressure people into serving God in this way -- THE ONLY WAY -- by making them feel forced into overseas mission work. So terribly wrong, and I am so sorry your family had this done to you. You are bearing all the scars now, and working through all the pain.

All your observations are valid. Your perspective is accurate. I cringe, feeling the impact of it all.

Oh dear God, what have we done??? In your name, what have we done????

I am truly horrified.

You know what this reminds me of? The agonizing beginning of the movie "Saving Private Ryan". The invasion of Normandy. How those soldiers were pushed off those boats into the water. Wave after wave of them. In full knowledge than many of them - most of them? - would not survive. It was a sacrifice for the cause. Push them all overboard. A few of them will make it. In the end we will be victorious. Push them off. Let them flounder. Some of them will succeed.

Each of those men who died in that water and on that beach and climbing those cliffs was somebody's son. Someone's brother. Somebody's sweetheart, husband, daddy.

You did that, New Tribes Mission. Maybe your smiley, story-telling representatives like Bruce Porterfield, Dun Gordy and Les Pederson were still in World War II mode. Push them off the boats. Let them flounder. A few will succeed. It's all for the cause. God can use anybody. They're just cannon fodder. In the end we will be victorious.

Yes, you - you! -were driving the boat. After you pushed them all overboard, you got to drive safely back home to your wife and family.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

My Dear MK Chame,

Oh you are very brave, even I haven't published a letter from my parents in its entirity. Good on you. Oh I've aired all our family dirty laundry, till people probably got tired of seeing underware up flagpoles with "Bemused's Family" embossed on it.
But you see what you have succeeded in doing is putting a human face on so many other peoples story and you have also done me a big favour, because people will be reading your story and saying "hang on this is Bemused's families story, maybe he wasn't so nuts after all" and it will be many of our families tragic stories.
Your parents may well find out that you are writing on here, mine did, and they are not amused with Bemused. But I have never been accused of lying or fabrication, just doing the devils work. You see we have one big advantage, we only have to tell the truth, the lies we leave to those who will read this, scratch their heads and say "now how do we pretend it never happened, because here is another one just like Bemused".
You have done me a big favour and I thank you sincerely.

P.s. so you had older parents with kids too, that no other mission would accept and your families money was confiscated (in our case it was the house we owned), yet we have never met, we were on totally different fields. Hmmmmm, maybe you are right, cultish!

Hey all,

It has been a long, emotional yet freeing few days. My 20 year old daughter wanted some answers tonight. She cries for me. Always has. Thought she had to become my Mom and at a much too young age. This girls soul can leave a fire in you for life....she is an amazing woman. It was a tough eve. But I wanted to get back to you quickly.

Raz your message brought tears to my eyes and still are. Tears because the parents have so much deep pain also. I cry for all of us. Our families including grandchildren, grandparents and future generarions. These scars will run deep.
My Grandaughter arriving in March is a big reason I am walking through this fire of pain and rage. I want my "legacy" with my family that I made to be free of this demon. And it will!!! Grandma will make sure.

Thank you! Words can't describe my respect for you as a parent in NTM to be here on Fanda and to apologize to me for others transgressions and weep to our Lord. We don't know each other but I know feel there is a parent who mourns my innocence lost as a child and my lifetime of terror, confusion, guilt, shame and a constant cry for love, and just a hug...a hug to make me feel safe again. It is so healing ....just words from a heart that is true. God Bless you!

Mr Bemused.....yes I was brave huh....tick tock tick tock!!! We have so much in common except I can see your halo from here and you keep saying it is still lost and the laundry mat
I am so happy I finally got to help you...by validating for you. I know how nuts it sounds to others but YES this is what happens to families. Even the strongest of marriages and sibling and parent/children relationships in families must fight a WAR to keep it that way after NTM....
I need to catch up with you on a few emails so I will probably private email you on Sat. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am taking the day off from memories of NTM. A much needed mental break is in order and a silly day with my three girls is in order...and baby bump Olivia too (what I call my grandchild while she is cooking in the oven!)

PS PII is coming to me in person after Thanksgiving for a second interview as I have recalled much much much more. Please pray for strenght, wisdom and God to speak for me so I say it right and make sure not to miss any details.

Hugs to you all....and again many thanks. I wish you could know how much your words, reading my story and continuing to support me means. I have spent the last two and a half years un this Journey cleaning out from present abuse backwards with out any support at all. A journey of one is lonely. I have a long time friend from high school who helps. She is 3000 miles away and has had her own battles. She suffers from same acronym library I do.
Answered prayers all of you. I asked for ONE true and loyal support person. God gave me an army.

Good night...time to rest

Remember you are not alone.

MK Chame ... sitting here picturing you enjoying a happy birthday with your daughters ... filled with giggles and silliness and maybe a few serious moments too. I know your girls will be so happy to know you have finally found some support and validation.

And when you are ready to come back ... we will be here!!

(And yes, the private messaging feature on here is great for one-to-one communication. Some of us use that feature often.)

Dear mk chame, I feel so burdened in what happened to you, what happened to your whole family. What a mess it all becomes when missions do wrong. My husband believes mission organizations are illegitimate, he doesn't have many that agree with him of course. If the foundation is wrong, how can it ever come out right? I don't think it can. So much suffering, so much pain and for what? I believe NTM must close down and must confess their wrongdoing. I pray for you. Full stop.