MK forum

No, Bemused, she is not the only one.

Other women come to my mind. Women who have allowed themselves to be completely controlled, out of a misapplied submission principle that they think pleases God. They believe they have no other choice. They have lost their identity, their voice, their ability to think for themselves.

Some women in NTM.

Some women in fundamentalist Christian churches.

Some women in cults.

Some women in Iran and Afganistan.

Same, same.

Sad, sad.

wow,! powerful, Bemuse....

Raz is right... I know of women and dad's that knew of the abuse going on to those in their home and they didn't do a thing and didn't help their children.

abuse

neglect

abandonment

pain

pain

pain

Anyone got any bright suggestions? My mother is 80 and lives in her own created world. Is it actually worth attempting to get through to her what really happened or just leave sleeping dogs to lie?
Is it even my responsibility? Should it be left to my father to tell her, which he won't of course.
The practicalities of the situation suggest that I'm only going to make what is a messy family situation much worse, but then is my father going to win because that is the way he engineered it?
In the to hard basket for this week, but would be most receptive to the wisdom of others, especially anyone been in a similar situation.

That's a tough one, Bemused. Would your "dad" let you near her if it caused her emotional distress? For me, it's been hard to see my mom become more sad. But, a t age 66 she deserved and deserves to know the truth. She has become a lot more caring and interested in the world of us, now. Before, it was all about the mission field. Her love is becoming more precious to me. So I'm glad she knows and understands more. It comes at a price. I know fewer and fewer idealists.

Thanks for the reply. My father annoyed my mothers parents so much with his dogma that they cut off contact with my parents, it was devastating for my mother. And now he has done the same thing again, he's disgusted his son so much with his lies, coverups and dogmatic theology, that I won't have anything to do with him. That's probably a blessing for him, but it must be hell for my mother, for I'm sure it is like a living death.
To answer your question, I doubt my mothers emotional distress could get any worse, after all if the truth was to come out and be dealt with, she'd get her son back and we could be a family again. But while my father is alive, I doubt he is going to let me go anywhere near her, unless he is in control of the situation, which only leaves indirect options, if that is what I choose to pursue, but therein lies the question, do I want to do that, I don't know.

Bemused,

My only advise is just love your mother, she will need you if her hero dies before she does. Full stop.

Lovely advice, thank you.
It is something that Mrs Bemused and I have talked a lot about recently, with the passing of her mother this week.
If my father passes before my mother, then it will probably give her a freedom to break free and possibly we can reconcile. But I don't think it would be appropriate to tell her what I suspect about my father, at her stage of life, just about the abuse in general
If my mother passes before my father, I doubt there will be any change in the status quo.