MK forum

It's really painful to bring these memories back up and mull them over, isn't it, Blond? And yes, your perceptions of the fake smiles were probably correct, only it's just now that you're beginning to understand them. So often, when we're in the moment, we don't listen to our gut that is trying to tell us, "Something is wrong. Something is wrong."

I have the same feeling about the question you asked, about how we missionary parents could have sacrificed our children to the mission. My remorse over what we did to our kids is so raw, and so agonizing, that even today I can't start to type this post about it without tears welling up in my eyes again.

I have written extensively about this before on this site, as I processed my own failures as a parent. When I first arrived on the field, I had one child, a boy less than 2 years old. Having been homeschooled myself, I assumed at that point that I would homeschool my own children. I was shocked that parents in the Philippines were putting their little ones in boarding school, and even got in some rather heated arguments over boarding vs. home schooling.

The process of brain-washing group-think that changed me in the next few years into a compliant mother who left her second grader in the care of others and flew off to the tribal village to translate the Bible shocks me now. I am appalled at myself. No amount of beating myself up about this can change what I did. I did it. I was wrong. And I will regret it till the day I die.

Other parents have not necessarily gone through the same self-examination process I have about this, and some may still be pretty defensive about the choices they made. But I, for one, believe that sacrificing our children in this way was a huge mistake, and the price paid by them, and by us, is far too huge to be refuted.

I was wrong. And I know it now.

Dear Raz;

Sorry if my post hurt you... I didn't mean that. Don't beat you up so badly... I have an 18 year old son, who grew up in a terrible situation... (too long to write), and because of my stupidity. Maybe at the time I was very naive, but reality is that time goes by really fast and when you start to want to make things better, it is already too late. If God forgave us completely, why wouldn't you and I forgive ourselves. Hang in there, you are doing wonderful things supporting all of us, broken souls in this forum. Thank you.

News: I was reading through the other topics and forums and found 33OUCH, who posted the name of an abuser but in sort of a code. I have written to her privately and if she confirms this man is the same who molested me, I will be posting his full name on the forum, for sure. How can I get a hold of 33OUCH?

LOL

.... I WAS JUST THINKING... SORRY MY PARANOIA....

HOW ARE WE SURE THAT THE PM'S AREN'T READ BY OTHER PEOPLE, LIKE THE ADMINISTRATORS, NTM PEOPLE, OR THE ONES WHO LURK AROUND THE FORUM JUST TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON AND FETCH NAMES????

PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME....ANYBODY...

Think you're pretty safe on this forum, it has no connection with NTM apart from content. I've had none of my personel messages compromised. Think what most people do is personal message for a while through this site and then switch to their own e-mails when they feel comfortable.
What no one has been able to answer for me is when one sends an e-mail via the NTM missionary website to NTM personal, is there never any response. I've sent very nice e-mails to people who were kind to me as a teenager, but never had one reply. Am I on some sort of black list (quite possibly, NTM and I fell out years ago when they stole my parents house and I took them on and won, that probably hurt and hasn't been forgiven yet ) ?

Blond, I am quite certain that the Private Messages are completely private. I don't believe anyone but you and the recipient can view those. If you want to be positive, you can contact Bonnie, who is one of our administrators, and she can put your mind at ease.

As far as the posts on the forums, those are open for all to see, and we have no idea ... There have now been ALMOST ONE MILLION hits on this website since it began!

That's a LOT of readers, lurkers, spies, reporters, or whatever. So whenever we write anything, we must consider that we have no control over who reads it.

Most of us have decided we have nothing to protect or hide anymore, so we are flying our flag high, and speaking out loudly!

For PMs, you can go to the members list and find any member that is on there, and PM them. 33OUCH is still listed as a member, so I'm sure if you PM her, a message will go to the e-mail address she listed, and she will see it. Your PM to her (or to Bonnie) will sit in your "sent mail" box until she opens it. That's how you'll know if your message has been read.

Stay courageous!

Good reply.

As for flying flags. I don't need a flag anymore, I just run our families dirty laundry up the flagpole for all to see (and possibly learn from the disaster). Trouble all this blowing in the nice clean air doesn't seem to be getting the laundry clean, might be time to bring it down and soak it in Sulphuric Acid for a while.