More from Miriam C

“ntm does know, but did nothing! my parents told the mission to remove the couple from NTM or my parents would leave…my parents left the mission….need i say more? they wanted to put me on the stand or meet face to face with the couple. my parents said they would not allow any more hurt seen done to me. i was sexually abused when i was 11 and my parents only found out when i was 19 because the dorm dad had some sorta breakdown and started talking a little too much….next thing you know the president of NTM is knocking at our door….that’s when my parents found out. i have never seen my father sob the way he did. and never the less the couple is still being “good ole missionaries”.

i suffered from other abuses since the moment i went to FANDA, i was 8! how can a dorm parent say to an 8 year old child who is crying for she misses her mother and father, “do you know why your parents sent you here? because you are only in their way. so stop crying cuz it wont do you any good” for years i thought i was a burden to my parents and they didn’t want me home. it took me 13 years to build a trusting relationship with them and understand that they truly loved me. and all along i had believed a lie that satan told!the stories could go on and on… i could never go to a Fanda reunion, or join a Fanda club on facebook because it would only bring back awful memories that i worked so hard on letting go and not allowing the grudges to eat away at me.

however i do remember one conference where the comittee apologized for what once happened to some girls. but never have they recognized all of their other mistakes in the lack of judgement or even reinforcing a torpid spirituality and therefore painting in every child’s mind an awful image of a LOVING GOD AND FATHER.i think that is my biggest disapointment with NTM, it was just a big hypocritical mission who spiritualized their way out of everything.  i think what damaged me the most is that while my dorm dad touched me inapropriately he kept saying that i was sinning and i needed to repent cuz God would not forgive otherwise. i mean seriously that messes up any child in so many levels…unimaginable.  all i know is that i was the ONLY ONE he would take into his room “to have a talk”. i don’t know if it was because i was brasilian but he would take me in there and keep me there sometimes all during siesta time. talking about God and sin, and how i needed to change and everything i was doing wrong and all along touching and caressing me. sometimes he would lock the door…other times his wife would come in to listen. i remember one day i was sooooo angry, when he let me out of the room i ran to my bed and sobbed in anger. his wife ran after me and yelling at the top of hur lungs said “if your cry is not of repentence you better stop crying now, for God only hears when you are repenting.” i know that for the time they were there i had one asthma attack after another, all emotional trauma. i never saw another girl in that room cuz he took me almost everyday.”

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32 Responses to More from Miriam C

  1. Elijah III says:

    @ Anonymous’ comments 23 & 26

    The Facts concerning this perpetrator with verifiable proof are:

    1. After his membership ended with NTM-USA and was reported to the US authorities in 2003 he continued with the foreign NTM branch as a member of that field in good standing for at least six years!

    2. His membership was officially terminated with that field on September 14th 2009.

    I wonder what the leadership from that field could possibly say to Miriam and the Fanda Eagles to justify why this man’s membership was not terminated immediately when he was reported to the US officials and dismissed from NTM International in ‘03.

    So we ask the leadership of NTM–Brazil:

    1. Why wasn’t this pedophile’s membership terminated from the field at the time his membership was ended with NTM—USA and He was reported to the US officials!!!?

    2. Did it take six years for communication to get from the US to the field leadership concerning this predator!!!?

    3. Why did it take so long to terminate this person’s membership with NTM–Brazil since the facts had been established in 2003–What more proof was needed!!!?

  2. Elijah III says:

    Miriam, as I read your story I became outraged and indignant to the point of writing a letter to the people who needed to hear. I would rather not expose the content of that letter for the whole world to see…, but since it pertained to your specific case I would be glad to send you excerpts of that letter. Just send a request to . I am praying for all of the Fanda Eagles.

  3. miriam c. says:

    bonnie, thank you for following up on that! i ask myself how can a missionary tell the gospel living a double life, how can a mission allow a man they know has done something wrong to more than one child (they know it wasn’t just me and just in FANDA) and yet just turn the other way. “he’s saving souls and making us look good, let’s just let it be, it all happened years ago anyway” i must admit it, NTM has very “intersting” VALUES as a mission. Doing God’s work is not just saving souls…..remember that….this man might have saved someone….but he destroyed a child’s innocence and childhood….

  4. Bonnie says:

    When I asked someone at NTM about this particular abuser, the answer was at first very shady… “No, he’s not with NTM.” When I pushed the issue a little, I found out that he is still with NTM, but not in NTM-USA’s “jurisdiction”. I asked if they had called the NTM jurisdiction that he is with, and they said yes. I asked if he is still with NTM. Again. YES.
    NTM-USA is very good at pointing to the next guy and saying, “it’s his responsibility, not ours.”
    But let me say this. When this man committed the crimes he did against Miriam C., he was with NTM-USA.
    NTM – if you drop this ball, I fear that the consequences of that will be severe. Do the right thing!!!!

  5. Shary Hauber says:

    Shannon I am glad you have found peace in your situation. But there is every thing right in holding the guilty responsible for their sin. We all know God will take care of them in the end in which is comfort. Our responsibility now is to expose the offenders so other children will not be harmed.

    Research shows that pedophiles do not stop. We know that God can change them but saying they are sorry is not enough, being sorry for five years is not enough while still working around children. A truly repentant offender never allows himself to be with children alone. He removes himself from all position of leadership. He asks someone to keep him accountable at all times. If he goes to the restroom at church someone goes with him. He does all of this for life because he is truly repentant and knows his weakness.

    Bonnie and Kari I want to encourage you and all the other who went to Fanda to be bold in your task of holding the offenders and those who in leadership refused to deal with the sin. It is you who are looking out for the good of NTM because God doesn’t accept sin in the camp. May God bless you.

  6. Shannon says:

    I have been reading all the posts for a while now and have been praying fervently about what to share. My heart goes out to all of you who were hurt. I am apalled as I read these things. I pray for you all for miraculous healing of your broken hearts. I went through some difficulties with a different dorm dad in 5th to 7th grade that have caused damage and hurt, so I relate to you all though my experiences were not as horrific as you all had to endure. I hope that Ntm will do the right thing and pursue this despite that it has been so long. In the mean time I do know from experience that God is able to heal and restore, but I do know that it doesn’t make everything “all better” again. There are lasting effects. I am thankful for His grace each day and pray that you all feel His great love each day as you try to pick up these pieces. I am proud of you all for taking a stand and I share these verses with you as an encouragement to remember that even if on this earth there is no justice, there will be one day, but that there is joy to be found in the waiting (along with the pain):
    Psalms 94:16-23 Who will rise up for me against the wicked? Who will take a stand for me against evildoers? Unless the Lord had given me help I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. when I said, ” My foot is slipping,” your love, o Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Can a corrupt throne be allied with you- one that brings on misery by its decrees? They band together against the righteous and condemn the innocent to death But the Lord has become my fortress and my God the rock in whom I take refuge. HE WILL REPAY THEM FOR THEIR SINS AND DESTROY THEM FOR THEIR WICKEDNESS/ THE LORD OUR GOD WILL DESTROY THEM.

  7. Shary Hauber says:

    Just want to thank you for sharing your story Mariam. I know it is not easy. I believe your story. My prayers are with you.

  8. Laura Stirling says:

    M. Bachhie: Please consider the perspective and feelings of the abused child before you consider what makes sense only to yourself.

  9. M.Bacchie says:

    I was not trying to make anybody feel obligated–Just thinking that if the name was out in public, maybe NTM could be confronted with it, asking them how in the world can this perp still be with NTM….

    Hope this makes sense.

  10. Bonnie says:

    Laura – thanks for posting that. I was just about to! We want this place to be safe for people who are just beginning to speak out about their own abuses. There is no pressure or obligation to disclose names, if the victims desire to keep these things to themselves.
    On the other hand, Miriam – if you do decide to name names, we back you and support you 100%.

  11. Laura Stirling says:

    Hi Miriam – don’t feel that you need to give out information that may make you uncomfortable. you are the victim here and i don’t think you should be obligated to share anything you don’t want to.

  12. M.Bacchie says:

    Would you be willing to give out his name?

  13. Kari says:

    The perp is still with NTM. No one at his new location knows of his molestor status. Remember, this perp confessed.

  14. Kari says:

    no, they couldn’t force you. and neither could they place a personal call to you in the interest of finding out what happened, naturally.

    once again, the onus is on the victims to call.

  15. Naomi Cleaves (Quilliam) says:

    i just re-read comment #2 and remembered that NTM sent me a letter after they found out about Miriam but it was not to tell me about what happened. it was a questionare about if anything had happened to me or my friends ever at fanda or if i felt something could have happened. i never sent them any answers. i just didnt feel comfortable doing it and i felt it would open up things i didnt feel it was my place to open up. i also thought they were talking about another incedant that they had found out about years before they found out about miriam but had not mannaged to resolve. they may have also called me or said they were going to anyway… no wait, i think they said that they COULD call if i found that more comfortable than answering the questionare. neither happened. they couldnt force me could they?

  16. Naomi Cleaves (Quilliam) says:

    i believe that miriam was the only one in our dorm that had anything happen to that extent but would DEFINANTLY be open to anyone who was in the dorm with us who thinks otherwise… this isnt to say tht he hasnt done it to manny others before and after he was a dormdad. they never have just one victum and he was on the missionfield for quite a while.

  17. Kari says:

    “all i know is that i was the ONLY ONE he would take into his room “to have a talk”

    Miriam, I believed for nearly 20 years that I was the only one. Now that I know it wasn’t only me, it in fact appears to be many of us. I believe there may well be many more.

  18. miriam c. says:

    dear anonymous writer, you do have a lot of guts you know? you sound just like NTM leaders, “well we need to gather more facts and information and what not” are you kidding me. you know how hard it was for me to tell my parents, to tell all of you who now are reading this? NTM has always chosen to side with the abuser instead of believing and innocent, damaged child. no one is out on a “witch hunt” i just want NTM to take responsibility for all abuses and apologize to each individual that ever attended there. The rest is all in God’s hands!

  19. Val says:

    To anonymous-
    I would just like to remind you that coving up illegal activity is wrong. Whether or not it is a non-profit that happens to send missionaries to other counties or some other organization, there is no amount of “Bible teaching” that can make it ok to cover up illegal activity.
    There is a lot of verifiable proof.

  20. Naomi Cleaves (Quilliam) says:

    i remember that day. the last thing u wrote. being your room mate and not being there for you tore me appart for years. i asked you that day what she was yelling at you about and you said exactly what you quoted above. i was furious when i found out recently that he is still a missionarry! im so sorry. im so sorry im so sorry!

  21. Diane Mik says:

    Because I wrote comment #5 I am curious what Anonymous considered NTM bashing.

    Hmm? Godly Celeti family leave Senegal; Wicked sex abuser family stays. You don’t have a problem with that?

  22. Bonnie says:

    Dear perpetually anonymous:
    I am curious about what proof you are looking for. Did you read the actual post or not? The guy confessed. What more do you need? Whether or not the guy is still with NTM today is besides the point. He did not get dismissed at the time of his confession.
    On another note, being anonymous isn’t a bad thing, but if you must get inflammatory, at least have the decency to use your own name.
    Do you think it is easy for all of us who are telling our stories to have our names out there like this? We are doing it for a reason, and would appreciate the same from those commenting.

  23. admin says:

    not one of these comments is bashing NTM, the facts in Miriam’s post were verified. outrage and righteous anger are the appropriate responses to what you are learning of in these pages. if that is not your response, i feel sorry for you.

    anyone who wants to cover for an organization that covers for pedophiles and child abusers frankly both scares me and has no credibility as a rational, feeling person.

  24. anonymous says:

    You are right. In my zeal, I have come across as inflammatory. I am sorry.

    My point that I was trying to get across was this:

    What started out as a public place to shed light on this tragedy, has started, and will only get more so, as a NTM-Bashing. (parts of comment #5) I have no problem pointing out what NTM has done wrong, but to bash them without verifiable proof is wrong. This was the whole crux of my comments.

    Unfortuantly, I would rather not indentify myself, and therefore I guess I won’t be posting anymore. (Out of curiosity, how come you allowed the previous anonymous comment (comment #2) ?)

    I will be praying for both you guys and NTM leadership.

    To God be the Glory.

  25. joie says:

    it doesn’t matter if this person is still with ntm or not. what matters is that once again, they did not fire him immediately, choosing to have yet another of their missionary couples leave the mission to protect their children instead of getting rid of the perpetrator of a CRIME. nor did they report it, as they are legally obligated to do. nor did they inform the parents of other children in the dorm. again.

  26. admin says:

    hi anonymous commentor,

    if you don’t want to get into a flamewar, please have the decency to identify yourself and don’t use inflammatory language accusing people of witch-hunts/bashing.

    you can have a dissenting viewpoint, but you cannot come here anonymously and be inflammatory. got it?

  27. anonymous says:

    Ok, so before we go on a NTM Witch Hunt/NTM Bash Party, why don’t we find out some more facts.

    Such as:

    -Is the perp actually still with NTM today?

  28. Diane Mik says:

    I am LIVID as I read this! That criminal perp wasn’t fired from NTM? I am absolutely appalled.

    Believe me – i do know somewhat of your suffering. I know somewhat of your dear parents’ suffering. I know something of the pain your whole family suffered as a result of the abuse and of Fanda.

    The “cover-up”, the labeling any inquiry as gossip, the arrogant leadership – that sin is inexcusable. ignorance is NOT an excuse. Naivete is not an excuse. The leaders were informed and did nothing! I know they knew because we informed them in March of 1989. They did nothing.

    My daugher suffered for YEARS – yes, years, not knowing anyone else had been sexually abused by the dorm “dad”. Do you know the continuuing damage that secrecy did to her young life? Do you have a clue how she felt dirty. “why was I the one he did that to?” the illegitimate shame, the desire to commit suicide, the total rejection of the God who allowed this to “only her”.
    Because of NTM’s hidden secrecy of this vilation, how many others thought they were the only really “bad” girls?
    The cover-up and secrecy is NO MORE!

    (BTW – of course victims don’t share their pain on a regular basis- who can they trust? and the perp sets them up that it is shame, not his SIN!!! Don’t anyone get on any victim for their response – that is part of the perp’s plan to silence them.)

    BUT what about NTM? Why were they silent again? Why did they not FIRE this person immediately? What is going on here? This is criminal activity and they keep it quiet????

  29. Vicky Frayne says:

    I think NTM has alot of explaining to do.

    Miriam, I am so proud of you coming out with your story. It brought me to tears and as a former MK, I wish that we all could’ve done more to help each other out through this time.

  30. admin says:

    this is absolutely criminal and i fear for other children involved. I’m so sorry for you, Miriam. much love

  31. anonymous says:

    are you seriously saying that other people in the same age group as miriam could have been molested and ntm once again did nothing? no investigation? didn’t even fire the guy after a confession?!?

  32. Bonnie says:

    miriam, my heart is breaking for you. your story is so devastating, especially the incredibly obvious lack of justice.
    i am so sorry.
    i am praying for you, and will continue to pray for you. you have my love and my admiration – you are such a brave, strong woman.

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