MK forum

Also,I don't agree with homeschooling children over the age of around 11. I believe they need more social interaction than they can get in an isolated village which is why I think that the parents should be in a place where the child can live with the parents AND go to school.

Naomi, you have said it very well.

Naomi, your posts above sound like you are nit-picking NB's post apart because you did not agree with her. Seriously, it is OK for some former MKs to have had good experiences at boarding school, and we all need to hear from them, too.

GRACE just had something on their facebook page about a man who was "cleared in a background check" but was caught abusing kids. I agree that screening people is not going to get all of the bad apples out.
My son is only 5 and went to pre-k last year. He started at one school and then halfway through the year we moved and he had to switch to a new one. He loved school, but after a while he started getting very quiet, he stopped telling me all about his day, which he used to eagerly do at the start. Everytime I asked him about school he would just say that it was fine, and any answers I got from him I had to drag out of him. I could tell that he was not happy. He started getting in trouble for not paying attention and after a couple of weeks I walked into the school, I told the director that I wanted to make an appointment with the teacher because something was not right. When she asked what I felt was wrong I told her that I did not know but that he did not share the details of his day with me anymore. Her response to that was "yes, but he is a boy, we have found that boys do not share as much as girls do." I told her, "that may be true, but that is not my son, my son used to talk all about his day with me." ..After meeting with his teacher we discovered that the new school was covering the exact same material that his old school had already taught him, and my son was extremely bored. They started giving him extra work and working more 1-1 with him and low and behold he started liking school again and made tons of friends.
I understand that this is no where near the problem of abuse, but how are parents who send their kids away for most of the year supposed to know how their kids react to things or when something is bothering them so that they don't just swallow the "well thats how kids act at this age" line? I do not just "trust" that the teachers are teaching him the truth either. I ask about his day, about what they learned, about what the best part of his day was, worst part of his day was. It is out God given job and blessing to watch over our children and care for them.
I have also said that some people may jump at the chance of boarding school because their family life is not that great. Back in the NTM day beatings were common place in boardings schools, I am happy if they were not in yours, but they were also common in some households as well, again, I am happy if they were not in yours. So it is a hard issue for me. I would deffinately wait till an age when the child can give an honest oppinion of what they would prefer and then have two trained professionals in abuse (a man and woman) at every single boarding school.

No one is saying that your sister's place was a "nice place", as you put it. Goodness gracious, I can feel the barbs coming right out of this screne!

I didn't intent to nit-pick NB's comment. I was discussing and giving MY opinion. I happen to view things differently than NB. She covered a lot of things in her comment and I thought the most effective way for me to be as clear as possible was to quote separate parts separately as I read through her comment. I am sorry to NB if she felt like I was attacking her opinion. I think my intention was to discuss but maybe I do feel so strongly about this subject that I came across as putting someone else down. I am sorry NB. I don't want to discourage anyone from speaking and being someone myself who doesn't handle rejection very well, I don't want to make others (NB) feel the way diamondintherough just made me feel by rebuking what I had to say.

Naomi, you are so gracious! I agree with your points and thought they were very gently made. As we are here to discuss crimes those who want to come to this forum to discuss the good things about boarding school should consider carefully their subtext. Not that we can't talk about the good times here also, just consider what you may be conveying to the hurting though doing it. I love every voice on these forums. We are all deserving of being heard.

MODERATOR, WILL YOU PLEASE REMOVE MY PREVIOUS POST? I would do it myself but can't figure out how. The post is not helpful in this conversation so should be removed. Thank you. YS

The question "are boarding schools healthy" implies that people saying no or yes are allowed to both respond, and say their reasons. If we get just the "yes" side, or the "no" side, it won't be a true picture because there is no perfect yes or perfect no. I suppose the way the question is stated is also black and white. It implies that there is only a yes or no.

Perhaps it is better to say "No, AND Yes" Some people are sent to boarding schools like Fanda. Not too likely to be very healthy although there might be some little thing that is healthy, perhaps a friend made or something. Is the family healthy? The child might be coming to a decent boarding situation from an abusive family situation. In their case, boarding might contribute more to good mental health. There are other factors, the temperament of the child, the age, so many things. There are too many factors for a black and white yes or no.

I know someone who went to Mamou and was one of the many abused there. From him, Mamou and home were equal hell. Sad.

For myself, I had no sexual or physical abuse in the dorm. I experienced emotional and spiritual abuse at home and didn't with the dorm parents of my final two years. There were health building elements I got from them. At the same time, there are other aspects of dorming that diminished my mental health. Perhaps the better question is, what situation is healthier for this child at this time.

And..., in the context of this being a forum for people whose mental health was devastated by what happened to them..., perhaps there is a better focus for this discussion. It might be better to say, yes, this and this and this and this were unhealthy. Not just the obvious of the abuse that might not have happened if the parents were around and aware, but the 'little' things, the things the child 'learned' resulting from dorm living. For example, perhaps the now-adult has difficulty establishing close bonds with other people. That could result from the constant coming and going of people in your social community. Why make a good friend because next year they are going on furlough. When/if they come back you might be on furlough. Perhaps what we see as others trying to infringe on our independence is something they see as mutual support. What do they mean offering me help? Do they think I can't do this myself? I've been taking care of myself since I was 8 years old! Were these realities of dorming abusive? I don't think so. Were they unhealthy? Yeah, I think so.

Maybe a better question to discuss (considering the reason for the forum) is more along the line of "How did boarding school hurt you?" Some people coming here have already received some counseling and probably know some things that others haven't yet identified. Hearing/reading what another person says can perhaps help them recognize a lie that they also learned. Being abused as a child instills a lot of lies in the mind. A common one from any of the abuses; sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual is - "I am bad." These childhood learned lies are not easy to refute. Worse, they can amalgam into an insistent voice that says "you need to die, you need to die, you need to die"

If these words I just wrote triggered you, please hear me, THEY ARE LIES!!!