I have the good fortune to be in communication with several people on the forums either by pm or email. I feel very sad. I feel saddened by what they tell me. The heading for this section is "You have a choice." What does that really mean?
I was, and am, a fan of a television show called Babylon 5. It is a science fiction show about some big issues. For the first 3 years of its 5 year run it focused on a war between the forces of light and darkness. In order to keep that from being too simplistic the creator of the show gave those two sides a question which they would ask their followers. The light would ask, "Who are you?" while the dark would ask, "What do you want?"
The thing about the light side is that they were about order and control. The idea was to follow their orders without question. Their followers would have peace at the cost of self. The darkside would offer their followers anything they wanted, all their followers had to do was to take it. This led to war and chaos. In the end, our protagonists told them both to shove off. The protagonists would make their own choices and answer both questions. What is my point?
On a personal level, I am asking "What do you want?" Why are you here on these forums? What do you want deep down in your heart? Maybe you have not even been willing to trully look at what you want, maybe you have and know exactly what it is that you want. I trully would like to know. How do we make a choice when we do not know what it is that we want? How do you choose an action to get what you want when you don't know what you want? How can a group work together to reach a goal, no matter whether it be nobel or base, if they do not know what they mutually want?
I would love to know what every member of this forum wants. That is just me. I am incredibly nosey. Along with being nosey, I like to know where things are going. For all of our anger, pain, sadness, frustation, and sometimes even happiness, is there something we want other than what we see on the forums.
If you feel inclined to tell me what you want, pretend that I am a very dense 6 year old. Feel free to share here or tell me via a pm. If you have no intention of sharing what you want, Do you know what you want?
I want to help people get their lives back. I want to be helpful, not disruptive. I want to help others who have been hurt by NTO just as I was to find as much healing as I have found. Hopefully even more since I still have things to work on. I want NTO to pay for what they did, even to the point of ceasing to exist. I want the truth to be told to the world so that they can see what a bunch of hypocrits NTO trully has been and some still are. I want vengence against those who led so many people astray. I want a target for my anger, a target that when hit, it means something. I want everyone to know about the family friend who is too terrified to tell her horrific story. I want them to know her story and feel the shame. I want people to know about the cover ups. I want people to see the idol they have been worshipping, NTO, for what it trully is.
I want to be fully free of my pain and anger. I have come a long way, a very long way. I know this because no one has died. I want to know that the healing can begin for so many people. I want to see that the process of healing is trully starting and isn't just a shame. I want to see people stand up and say no more, never again, nunca mas. I want to see the people show "Who they are." Am I someone who is willing to pay the price or am I someone who watches as the next guy is beaten to death by the mob? Any current missionaries feel free to think about this as well, because you are watching. Are you recording this with your cellphones?
I want to be free, I want you to be free.
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