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Paul, this is a thread in which a few people from Fanda responded:



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To the Fanda Eagles
Allbetter
Post subject: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 10:41 pm



Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 3:35 pm
Posts: 450
I've been wondering how you all are doing? Do things feel better or worse? Are the Grace recommendations being implemented? Are you heard? Do you still feel like throwing up every day? Can you sit in a pew at church and be glad you're there?



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mosquito bite
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 2:29 pm



Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 7:04 pm
Posts: 2313
Allbetter---
How did you find the Fanda thread?
The new posts do not show up when I click 'View active topics.'
I have to notice that there is a more recent date on the Fanda topic before clicking View a t.
Help.



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stalker sellery
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 4:16 pm


Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:09 pm
Posts: 8
Scott Ross is helping ABWE.

Doesn't look like he's listening to GRACE's recommendation that he no longer be involved in MK abuse response.

http://www.bangladeshmksspeak.com/phpbb ... hp?f=5&t=5



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stalker sellery
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 4:28 pm


Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:09 pm
Posts: 8
Well, actually GRACE recommended that Scott Ross "be permanently removed from any and all work and/or responsibilities relating to any form of child abuse matters within New Tribes Mission". (GRACE report on NTM-Fanda, amended edition, pg 64)

ABWE is not NTM.

But ABWE does have MK abuse survivors.



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Bemused
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:04 pm



Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:14 am
Posts: 3751
What's the bet nothing has changed?



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Bemused
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:12 pm



Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:14 am
Posts: 3751
Allbetter wrote:
I've been wondering how you all are doing? Do things feel better or worse? Are the Grace recommendations being implemented? Are you heard? Do you still feel like throwing up every day? Can you sit in a pew at church and be glad you're there?


To answer your insightful questions:

a) Do things feel better or worse? Bit of both, better because this is getting attention, worse because the deeper I dig, the more mess I find and it ain't pleasant reading.

b) Are the Grace recommendations being implemented? I'm not an expert on Grace, so best someone more qualified answer that one.

c) Are you heard? Oh definitely yes, but that is because I'm making a real pain of myself, I still have some unreached souls to find, but I'm getting there (with a lot of help my friends )

d) Do you still feel like throwing up every day? No, but the dog gets a long bike ride and run, when it gets to much, the dog is thinner and sleeps a lot of late.

e) Can you sit in a pew at church and be glad you're there? That I haven't done for many years, which is a consequence of the bizzare years of "education" and experienced of NTM and then having to put up with my father and his religous rantings and ravings for to many years.

Thanks for asking.



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Allbetter
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 5:32 am



Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 3:35 pm
Posts: 450
Thanks, Bemused! I'm still wondering about the Eagles that were directly affected by the Fanda report . . .any advice for the Via survivors?



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kedougou
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:29 pm


Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2014 12:48 pm
Posts: 1
Ok, this is the first time I've commented before so please bear with me if I screw something up. I'll make the first post quick so I don't lose everything if it doesn't go well.

My 4 year stink at Fanda was in the early 90's. Although I was not sexually abuse I grew up very much affected by the mentality and lifestyle we were forced to live. I grew up feeling helpless, seeing the terrible abuse all around, and seeing countless beloved friends seeming to be on a past of self destruction. It was and is heart breaking. I also grew up in a very unstable, dysfunctional, and at times abusive home. So no stability anywhere.

I'm sure that just as we felt in the early days when reports came out and graffic, numbing information started to surface, (more than we already knew) we felt desperately betrayed by everyone, and absolutely numb. Like walking around in a dream state.

Processing with safe people is so healthy and so important as you walk your journey. I found out the hard way who wasn't safe to process with. I was shamed, and the very polarizing, very gut wrenching, and unfiltered feelings I was verbalizing and processing through were taken and shared with individuals/teammates/individuals who were asked to leave the mission field. It was a horrifying experience all on it's own.

So processing with safe people is crucial in the days, months and years ahead. Don't be afraid of your emotions. They need to be processed through, and there will be a full spectrum of emotions. I remember when I first started talking about my own experiences as a child sitting in a 30 year old body. I was at times a crying hysterical mess, often times I shook uncontrollably like I was freezing, there were times where I couldn't get warm but the room wasn't cold. I journaled, but what was most helpful for me was speaking the words. Speaking the words brought validity to my pain, to my existence, it brought darkness into light and it began to take the poison that was killing me and get it out. It is ok to feel, it is ok to rage, it is ok to cry, it is right to be angry. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

I have over the years struggled with sever anxiety, depression, panic attacks, etc. Living in the environment I grew up in beat into me that I was helpless, I was weak, and I was not valuable.

Trust me when I say that you absolutely not helpless, you are strong, and courageous, and valuable beyond measure. Everyone who has survived abuse is a fighter, and has a right to live, and be respected, you are love worthy no matter what has been done to you and no matter the choices in your life. Your value comes from who you are not what you do. I've been on a journey learning this, a very painful journey.

I know some of this might not be exactly what you are looking for in your direct questions. But just know that there are others out there who have your back, who have been through the fire and are journeying with you and for you.

One last thing for now, give yourself grace. You are going to have good days and you are probably going to have very bad days. It's ok to have bad days. Don't beat yourself up. Just stay connected. Staying connected is your lifeline. As a person speaking from sever depression experience, once you become disconnected from community it can be a very frightening spiral downward. I've been fortunate to have people in my life that when I stop making myself do uncomfortable things, and stop doing things that are good for me, they give me the loving shove to get out and live instead of staying alone, in the dark.

That's it for now, fingers crossed to see if it posts properly.



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dbarney
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:23 pm


Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 9:01 am
Posts: 378
Yes, it did kedougou, Senegal was a rough field. Take care,,,, because we care



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Bonnie
Post subject: Re: To the Fanda EaglesPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:56 pm

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Joined: Sat Jun 12, 2010 8:03 am
Posts: 122
Allbetter wrote:
I've been wondering how you all are doing? Do things feel better or worse? Are the Grace recommendations being implemented? Are you heard? Do you still feel like throwing up every day? Can you sit in a pew at church and be glad you're there?



Things feel better, for me, but mainly because I've separated myself so much from NTM. 34 years old and finally learning that boundaries are healthy and good.

I'm not sure how to answer about the recommendations. I know that some were implemented. I know that others were not.

Are we heard... well, the only contact I've had with NTM in the past couple years was writing to them about Lori's story. No, I didn't feel heard. But I wasn't surprised. Heard by GRACE? Most definitely.

I no longer feel like throwing up every day, but definitely struggle with major depression and the lasting physical affects of the high stress of dealing with NTM during the time we did.

I don't go to church, and I consider that one of my new boundaries. I don't have to go there to be loved. I'm so, so happy with that choice.

Paul,

I don't know of a single MK waiting for any result from NTM in order for them to continue on in their lives. This is merely a sideline in their life. In fact, our lives would be much more peaceful without the b#))$(*t that NTM is putting us through.

Unfortunately, I understand you to say in your post is "get over it." It seems to be a theme coming from many NTMers and others. Personally, I think that anyone who is a current member of an organization who allegedly colluded with pedophiles and child abusers has very little weight when it comes to advice to victims. I don't know how to say this more clearly.

Bemused, so sorry for that letter.

I used to take care of this developmentally disabled blind gentleman in a group home. He would repeat himself a lot, and talk about people from his past that were no longer around. He would rock on his bed, and sing songs from the radio.

One day he was talking about his family that abandoned him, then he looked at me and said,

"Tracey, would you be my people?"

So, "Bemused, can we be your people?"

wow! Bemused. They never get rid of that "control" that they are taught is the right way to control your family. Dad is boss. ... mom follows.... Children sit and are quiet.. so sad I am so sorry that it continues. Looks like your mom is stepping out a tiny bit.

This is qn always has been a battle for truth, to expose lies where ever they may be found. Truth is the salve that brings healing. COMPLETE TRUTH is something that NTM will never give because they are afraid of what it means for them. They hold the salve but they won't use it.

I just sent these thoughts off in a PM, but then thought they might be worth throwing around here in public. By the way, it was a big hurdle for me to "PM" someone here because in old NTM-speak that usually meant an ugly confrontation. Can anyone else relate??

Lately I've been thinking through the concept of apology, forgiveness and grace because of how Gary Earl was handled and the hurtful comments that Dreamwords has received because of it (but not on this site, for anyone new to the thread). I'd like to share my views here, and I'm trying to keep them condensed -- so if something doesn't make sense please ask. Or crucify me first and then ask

Apologies: Neither NTM corporately nor other missionaries can offer apologies for the actions of an abuser. Even if it is well-meant, it is empty. A legitimate apology will clearly state a personal hurt caused to another, and an apology from a leader should express their personal failure in a very specific way. To offer generic words is to be self-protective. While an apology may or may not be Biblical, it is our culturally-accepted method of communicating remorse and brokenness. But what we've seen from NTM so far seems to have communicated neither once you get beyond the words.

Forgiveness: NTM has no legitimate right to extend corporate forgiveness to an abuser. When an offense is committed, the offender has created a debt that they owe to the one offended. And when they ask forgiveness of the victim, they are actually asking the victim to pay their debt for them. NTM was not the victim, and the only thing they can extend would be a pardon (i.e. the setting aside of a due punishment by an individual empowered to do so). Since the Bible is our basis for determining right action, let's look at God's example of forgiveness. As a sinner I am the abuser, and God is the victim. And in the Bible, God never offered forgiveness until justice was fulfilled. I do experience forgiveness from God individually, but only because the just penalty was met. I guess that raises the question, "Can the victim, then, Biblically extend forgiveness?" Yes, because in doing so they are choosing to pay the debt themselves.

Grace: The use of what is considered "grace" by NTM in the application of policy is also contrary to Biblical principle (and the interesting irony about this concept is that the PROPER application of it is what drives NTM to go to the tribes!!). God has a policy which simply stated is, "you sin, you die," and He never chooses to sets that policy aside. It had to be enforced, and was through the death of Jesus. We certainly would not accuse God of being ungracious or unforgiving, but the fact is, someone had to die. And NTM recognizes and believes that concept so firmly that missionaries are spending their lives and finances because of it.

So, in my opinion, when it comes to enforcing a policy which is emotionally difficult and they say, "But you need to forgive, you need to show grace," I believe we can honestly say that response is ungodly. It sounds spiritual, but it actually isn't.