MK forum

I had a thought yesterday...I was reviewing my codependency book, which is advisable for me
to do once in a while to stay healthy. When I began really dealing with my junk, I realized that
much of my core issue was codependency. Like serious codependency, the kind developed in
quite dysfunctional situations or systems.

So I was thinking yesterday about the kind of environment that would contribute to the
development of such severe codependency. It was very disturbing. This is not a
new thought for me, but it hit me harder than it has in the past for some reason.

Yesterday I was also dealing with an issue I saw in my daughter, who is now 10. I saw
something in her life and actions and lovingly helped her deal with it in a way she could
understand and learn about healthy patterns of relating to people. And then it hit me
how at her age I was in a place where nobody gave me that kind of personal care and
attention. I was taught a lot about God and the Bible, but not much about how to have
healthy relationships and exhibit healthy behaviors and boundaries.

I had to muddle through pretty much on my own and I have really struggled
as an adult to be healthy...even though I had sisters in the dorm with me, we were all
children and needed much more parenting care and attention than we got. So I gave
myself permission to grieve once more and thank God for this opportunity that I have to
make a difference in the lives of my own children.

You're well down the road to making sense of all this, because you've made the biggest discovery that can be made. That is, that what we had in the past was in no way normal and you are determined to do better for your own child.
It's like having a blank slate and now you can colour any colour you like. A little bit from books of wisdom, a little bit from inspiration here, a bit from those around you, all mixed up in whatever proportions you like.

Cool ay?

O.k. take very little notice at my attempt at child rearing philosophy, I just ride a bike with a much spoilt "fur child" on the back and as long as he has exercise, company, lots of sleep and regular treats, he is one happy canine. I believe real children are more complex, so I have no idea what I'm talking about

This is quite humorous, while being immensely sad.



(P.S. Love your new avatar!)

That was for Journey. Somehow Bemused crowded in line ahead of me.

(Just kidding, Bemused! )

Yes, apologies all round. Journeys wisdom was interupted by my mad ramblings. Probably because we hit the submit button at the same time.
Again I apolgise profusely.

O.k. someone else can explain to dear Raz that the world is no longer flat.

Another MK...what you wrote was quite profound. Its both sad but good. Sad that you experienced what you did but good that you have recognized it and your child will be the better for this. Down here we have a saying about being the person to "break the cycle". Usually it refers to domestic violence but I think it fits here well also. You are breaking that cycle of emotional abuse and setting your kids up for an emotionally healthier future. Good on you!