MK forum

I have been told of others, but I am not closely connected with those situations. I hope those who are will speak up.

You are right, NTM has always swept this unpleasantness under the rug.

The Mission is so proud of its compliant MKs. Let's not speak of the ones who failed to come back into The Work.

Yes suicides do need to be discussed. I have heard there are a number from Mamou. Some are blamed on other things like drinking and drugs. How does that free the mission? What caused them to become addicted to drugs and alcohol? Missions might think surely not the abuse they received at boarding school? Why they were just kids, kids don't remember the terrible things that happen to them as children.

I would like to see a study of the suicide rate with MKs. There seem to be a lot of suicides among MKs.

To those who are thinking of it, please don't. Probably most of us have at times considered it when things got to overwhelming. But we have each other. We need everyone of you to help us get through this messed up life. You have much you can give and we hope we have much you can take from the rest of us. There is strength in standing together.

Discussion we need to talk about this with all MKs I believe our background makes more of us in danger. It does not mean you are an evil person if you have thought about suicide. Some questions we could discuss.

1 What to do when I keep thinking about suicide?
2. Can I handle it alone?
3. Do I need to contact someone?

I am sure there are a lot more questions you could think of to discuss add them.

Here's an article that touches on the subject:



I'm going to see if I can find the study that's mentioned there.

Good article!

Thanks for putting this subject into a seperate thread, a good idea.

My background in mental health is pretty limited, but I did for a few years work in a decompression unit, where we treated divers with the bends and gas inhalation victims, amongst a few other conditions. By far the most common gas inhalation was carbon monoxide, which of course was rarely accidental. Almost all the patients were male. Statistics indicate that most suicides are male, yet there are considerably more attempted suicides by females.
And it is a point worth looking at. A male suicide is often a result of one incident (often a relationship breakdown) and is more likely to come as a complete suprise. Whereas females are more likely to ask for help and the warning signs are more evident, it is not the case with males. This may also have some correlation with male sexual abuse, we don't talk about or admit to that either, like our female counterparts who have the ability or inclination to do so.
So although NTM's sexual abuse victims are probably predominantly female, males may be the silent victims that no one knows of, except for perhaps abnormal behavioural patterns and/or the self termination of life.

Again many thanks for exploring this often taboo subject with honesty and sensitivity.

I will share.

First suicide attempt was at age 13 when I was in the States and adjusting to life outside NTM. New girl at school, danced with a boy (didn't know it was Miss Populars love). Got labeled a slut and followed home daily with rocks thrown at me and called slut and whor. It got so bad the school tried to get involved to stop. My mother said it must be my fault as I must be acting slutty. Now that I remember what happened in Panama and have full understanding of my traumas with "slut" and "whor" at such a young age I understand that is what triggered my suicide attempt.

I have had many more attempts in my life as recent as mid 2011. All triggered from trauma of what happened to me in NTM and related to that image/label forced on me as dirty, slutty or whorish. Then the trigger of NO support etc or someone saying NO I wasn't those things has caused the attempts also.

With my BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder or Self Harmer) it also comes with the territory. Constant thoughts of dying. One of the MAIN causes of BPD is childhood sexual trauma and the second main cause is neglect from the mother.

So there is another statistic to add to the survey. I would also be interested in studying how many of us have had suicide attempts or even thoughts. Along with mental health issues caused by the trauma(s) from NTM or being an MK. I know PTSD is a big one....

Your deep and lasting pain makes my heart ache so much, mk chame.

I am in contact with another woman MK who also longs for death. She talks about it constantly. Sometimes she assures me she wouldn't do anything to herself, she just wishes God would take her home. But at times her pain is so intense it is almost intolerable and I wonder if she might do something just to escape the agony of it.

This MK was molested for many years by her own father, an NTM missionary whose name many would recognize.

Thank you Raz...and please let your friend know I am here if she needs someone to talk to about those feelings. I too suffer from the same prayer. Let her know she isn't alone!

I wanted to jump off a bridge that goes over the Waikato River in Hamilton when I was in my late teens... several times.
I could not kill myself -that was worse than the abuses that I had suffered...
During my first marriage I asked God every day to let the earth open up and swallow me so I would not have to take another day of abuse...

I can still be driving along in my car and the thought will hit me that I should end it all. No I do not really want to die. I just do not want any more pain of ANY sort.
I love my present husband, I love my kids! I even am 'quite' happy with my life - all except the constant pain. That is what gets to me. That is what kills me.


But, I am too tough to go down without a real fight. So, I take ONE day at a time... My future plans seldom include more than getting through today, this week. Yes, I do 'plan' things for my future, unfortunately I have to get thru TODAY to get there.