MK forum

I had my first interview today....everyone was right, they are very supportive, understanding and easy to work with. Patient also!!!! 3 hrs and I am not done. Piecing together things from a 10 year olds perspective was hard and at times almost comical. I recalled a lot more than I thought I would. My mother is being very supportive and I have listed her as a victim of NTM. My parents were dorm parents and she was brutalized verbally, spiritually, and emotionally because she tried to stand up for her own children and the other children in her dorm.
My father opened up tonight....Standing applause please....this man NEVER opens up. EVER.

Side note: Thank you to Mosquito Bite for being one of the parents on this site. I know my own parents wanted to serve God and gave up everything for NTM and in the end they lost everything and more.

I do hold my parents accountable for allowing their selves to be brain washed. We were kicked out of Panama.....or as NTM tells everyone sent on Furlough. My brother and I being the reason they were told. They wanted my parents to repeat Bible School and Boot Camp a third time... in order to come back. Thank God they resigned. I have forgiven both of my parents. I am still on the sideline watching for what they will do with this knowledge of NTM, what happened to their daughter and how it affected my life......

Thank you all again for starting this site, continuing to write and opening up about your stories. It is so comforting and healing.

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! for your dad!
That is HUGE.
Never give up.
Many miracles have happened.
We have a story too. Not a nice one.
Some of it is here, but not all.
You are supported and loved here, mk chame.

Are there any MKs on here from Panama in 1982 to 1984. My mother who was a dorm parent is wanting to reach out, help and tell your story and hers.

I understand the Panama investigation isn't complete at this time but I have a concern/question/need. If anyone has the answer or can direct me to someone who can help I would be so grateful.

I suffer from multiple trauma and mental issues from Panama and then added incidents throughout my life. I have started a program to deal with some of my nightmares of childhood and it is helping....although extremely hard, painful and emotionally draining to face everything.

I don't have health insurance and was able to do the above program with State funding. I need much more counseling if I am to ever live a healthy mental, emotional and physical life. Is there any funding available from NTM set up for counseling for those of us in Panama yet??

If anyone knows of how or if we can get funding for counseling through NTM, please let me know.

Thank you so much,

I believe finances for counselling are being made available to all MKs who need help from NTM.

The place to begin would be by contacting Tibby Westcott, at tibby_westcott@ntm.org

I hope Tibby will be able to help you. The needs of individual MKs who are seeking healing, and need financial help for medication and/or counselling should be a top financial priority for NTM, in my opinion. It is so commendable that you are wanting to work toward your own healing and wellness. Lack of finances should never be the thing that prevents you from walking down this path. It will take a lot of hard work as it is, and worries about how to fund the help you need should not be something that stands in your way.

I am back.....after months of dealing with my true diagnosis and desparately trying to find ways to cope with the never ending train wreck that goes on in my head now that I remember it all and dealing with the never ending health issues from my abuse.

I was able to get the info on NTM paying for my counseling. Thank you everyone! Anyone know if they will pay for my schooling?? Change my BA into a Masters in Social Services to help children of sexual, physical and emotional abuse through art therapy??? And someday Adult survivors of abuse....have to survive first!!

Anyway....here is something I wrote recently during one of my manic moments of memories and whys??? Thanks everyone for letting me vent and get this off my chest. I literally have NO ONE close to talk to about this. My family continues to pretend it didn't happen to ME. Everyone else yes just not me.

November 4, 20012…………………………………………………… DEVIL in the CHILD

I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? WHY I HAD TO LOSE MY INNOCENCE and SPIRIT for the SAKE OF CHRISTIAN “DUTY”

WHY DID I HAVE TO BREAK HIS DAUGHTER’S ARM TO ESCAPE HIS SEXUAL ABUSE LEAVING ME TO LIVE A LIFE OF THE ‘BAD GIRL” THE “ANGRY” ONE, THE ONE THAT DOES'NT KNOW WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT….

YES I KNOW NOW. FOR 30 YEARS I WAS ABLE TO BLOCK IT OUT. AT WHAT EXPENSE??
SEVERE ISSUES IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE. HAVING ANGER BECOME MY “PROTECTOR” THAT SCARED LITTLE GIRL NEEDED SOMEONE TO PROTECT HER, STAND UP FOR HER AND GET HER HELP.

NO ONE NOTICED, NO ONE CARED. NO ONE KNEW. I KNEW DEEP IN MY SOUL. I KNEW BUT I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY I WAS ALWAYS SCARED. WHY I WAS SO SEXUALLY ADVANCED ULTIMATELY LEADING TO PROMISCUITY WHICH LED TO A BRUTAL RAPE, TORTURE AND KIDNAPPING. THIS DOMINO EFFECT LED ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY.

WANTING TO DIE!!! PLEASE LET ME GO GOD. PLEASE. I CAN NO LONGER HANDLE THE NIGHTMARES, THE IMAGES, THE FEAR, THE RAGE, THE PAIN AND THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I HAVE NO ONE IN THIS WORLD BUT PEOPLE WHO USE MY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND ADULT TRAUMA TO HURT ME MORE.


God’s work and human souls were on the line. And that’s how many NTM employees were led to believe that fighting for their children’s well-being would compromise their Christian duty.

Someone please help me……I am just a little girl. I love you God, help me. I love you Daddy, help me. I love you Mommy, love me back. Help me.