MK forum

This is a hard question. You see, I think my parents would say, the good far out-weighed the bad, so yes, it was good. For myself, I had always thought I would be on the mission field by now, but knew that I could never put my children in boarding school and not raise them myself. Was there good at Via? Yep. I went from being an F student, barely able to read, to an A, B student who graduated with honors (just barely!). Academically, I was helped tremendously. I am thankful for that. I loved sports and loved playing volley ball and being in the dramas, but would I have traded all of that for the opportunity to live at home with my parents and never lived in Frank's dorm? Absolutely! Even now, when kids hear that I grew up at a boarding school, there is shock in their faces. The kids I teach here in the US can't even begin to imagine the kind of mentality it takes to send your kids off to live with total strangers.

If families can't home school their students for one reason or another, then they should be placed in an area where they can work and have their children attend school while living at home. If not, then these families should be provided with tutors to come home school their children for them while they are working in the ministry. The children are given to them from the Lord and they should be raising them and caring for them until they leave for college. As "good" as the Via experiences may have been, the risk is too high. You can't "weed" out the abusers. They hide behind the most "godly" masks. Satan can twist any mind and use it for his purposes. So, yes, boarding schools should be closed and children should remain with their parents.

I have a different take on this. My brothers and I went to boarding school and our experience was benign. I do not think that someone can say that “all boarding schools should be closed” or “people should not be missionaries if they have to send their children away.” No system is perfect and God works in many ways.

Please understand that nothing said here is intended to discount the pain caused by Fanda. This is a thread on Are Boarding Schools Healthy? Well yes, some are.

My brother is a counselor to sex-offenders. He says that it is much less likely to find sexual predators in mission schools (because of the screening) than in American schools, churches, colleges, sports teams, and neighborhoods. No amount of attention from a parent can keep a child safe all the time. It can’t be done. My friend was sexually abused by her youth pastor while her parents slept in the room next door. Further, parents are sometimes the problem. My brother says the most dangerous words in the English language, for a child, are “my mother’s boyfriend.” Sexual predators are sneaky, nasty, and wicked. But keeping the kids at home won't necessarily keep them safe.

My brothers and I discussed why our boarding school was healthy and came up with several things.

1. It was run by a group of missions. Each mission supplied X number of teachers per X number of students and had boarding facilities for its children. There was “peer pressure” to provide good teachers and houseparents. No mission ran all the financial risk, so there was not the big pressure from the mission to send the kids. If parents wanted to home-school, that was fine. If they wanted to send their children to a different school, that was fine. All the mission requested was enough advanced notice to let it adjust personnel at the school.

2. In our mission, the parents and kid decided when to send the kid to the Hostel. Most kids went about 4th grade, but some went later. None went earlier; the moms home-schooled. But the main reason for boarding school was socialization for the kids. We got pretty bored in the tribe, particularly at the Jr.High and High School ages. We would have felt bad if our social needs forced our parents to return to America (we liked the country), so this was a fair compromise. The other reason for the boarding school was to teach us in the U.S. (vs. European) curriculum so we could go to US universities.

3. The vacations were set so that we were never away from home longer than three months at a time. We were home at least four months out of the year. For many of my peers (though not all) that was enough time at home.

4. The hostel was run by a council of parents that was independent of the field council, though they consulted with the field chairman at times. There were guest rooms in the hostel and parents often stayed there for special events at the school or special birthdays. In my brother’s day, there was an eccentric house parent family, not evil, just weird. They were gone in a year, though their deeds are still remembered in song and story.

5. Our mission recruited houseparents specifically. That was their mission, to support the missionaries up-country by taking good care of the children. It is much the same idea as MAF being missionary support. Neither my brothers nor I can remember a houseparent striking a child, though some yelled. One house father came close to hitting my little brother. To his credit, he mastered his temper and admittedly, my brother can be provoking. That house father has since apologized to my brother and they have been reconciled.

No system is perfect. The mission should provide a variety of options and let the parents and children decide.

Wow, all good points ys. I like the bit where no child under grade 4 went to the school. I think that going away to boarding school too young is the biggest problem and the root of alot of the other problems. And the parent council. I hope GEACE reads this.

I can't imagine sending a child to boarding school at age 4. Kids I've known at that age are hardly ready for that level of socialization. Even when I was old enough for kindergarten, it was only for a half day (those were the good ole days, I guess.)

But then, where I started school (midwest) the age a child started kindergarten was 6, and first grade was 7.

GRADE 4 not AGE 4

Thanks, Naomi. I must have been half asleep when I read those posts!

I'm still working thru this issue. Personally I don't think boarding schools are that great, being in any kind of institution is not healthy. God made individual families who are to function within a community of people. Personally I don't think sending young children away is a good thing. If I were to send my kids to a boarding school I would want to be close by so I could see them regularly. What age to send them is another question. NTM policy is 8 years old, even that seems young to me. I'm very thankful that God helped my husband and I to see that we needed to be close to our kids. In foreign missions I think the pressure should be off the wife to do language/culture learning and the responsibility given mainly to the husband especially when the children are small. If a wife can learn the basic greetings that's good and have a kind, welcoming attitude towards the people that goes a long way. I like the idea of the family being together and reaching out as a family. I agree that God has given us our children, he has not given them to grandma or aunty or friend or the boarding school, he has given them to us so we have the main responsibility to raise them. I send my kids to public school and they are doing great but not everyone likes public school. Whatever u do u have to be very intentional with your kids and spend as much time with them according to your situation. Personally I think kids spend way too much time in school I actually resent the amount of time that I have to have my kids in school but it's the law. I don't know if I would say close all boarding schools but I think this needs to be vigorously investigated and I would not be too bothered if the boarding schools would close down. When u think of the time u have your kids with u compared to a whole life time I don't think it is too much to ask to spend the majority of that time with them when they are little, to set aside your career or missionary work to be a stay at home mom. Generally speaking u will still have many productive, interesting years to serve God or have a career after your kids are grown. We must be careful to not make our kids idols but also we must not make the work of the gospel our idol either. If we keep our eyes on Jesus and are spending regular time with Him He will guide us into truth and show us what is right.

This boarding school thing goes way back. My brother in law's mother, (this is like a 100 years ago well not quite), her parents were missionaries, she was sent to a boarding school and it devastated her. I don't know if she was sexually abused but she was emotionally and spiritually abused for sure. This hardened not just my brother in law's mothers' heart but my bro in law's heart and my sister too towards missions and God. They saw a lot of harshness and hypocrisy in the church. They finally left the church when a girl from the youth group they were leading got pregnant and the church turned it's back on her and treated her like dirt. They rarely go to church, they don't seem to want to have anything much to do with God, the Bible and church. Their kids, my nephews and niece, don't seem to be interested in God. This has far reaching effects, it's very sobering.

yes yes Yunker!! the same for me!! I didn't get why god let this happen if my ma and papa was serving him. why I was christ's child and still bad. when uncle Bill touched me its not the touch and the pain haunted me. was him telling me god would punish me if I told and stopped my ma and papa from spreading his word. him telling me god would not love me if I cried cause his son didn't cry. I hate him!! he stole my god. I was afriad of god for many long time.