MK forum

Sauce said, "If the leadership or my parents made a choice which damaged my life or my siblings life but that decision was done either in ignorance or without evil intent then I don't think it is fair to hold them liable."

That is such a huge thing to consider my Sauce friend. I still hold to my belief that so much of what was done goes against human common sense. Please!
Somebody did something very, very wrong that made me go thru PTSD. It was no small event I have resuffered. Something very wrong went on at Numonohi.
In any other arena, say business for instance, the top dog is ultimately responsible for things directly or indirectly done under their 'watch'. So then, how is boarding school different?
Much less that whatever bad they did was done to us under the guise of "God's work". Let's not forget the often overlooked spiritual abuse that has screwed our heads and hearts terribly. I look back at years and years of confusion and emptiness very much related to what was lived in front of me in the 70s.

I don’t want to share to make you mad, to make you take arms and take a stand
I don’t want to share to cause a stir, to make you to blame and demand revenge
I don’t need a call for NTM to take the shame, to feel my pain
I don’t need a call for those to apologize, who didn’t know and who weren’t even there!

I just want to share to have my story heard, To be understood, To see God’s grace despite the pain
I just want to share so that some of you who have felt this hurt, will know I’ve been there too.

Sent away when I was very young, to a boarding school, away from home
Living with strangers who were very strict, Yes, they tried to be kind, but I was terrified
Be brave, be strong, so your Dad and Mom can carry on God’s important work
You really need to be happy, try not to cry, so others too can know God’s grace

Afraid that I might do something wrong, that would bring unwanted punishment
Afraid I couldn’t live up to the requirements, life is so cruel, what if I break a rule?
Living in shame when I innocently messed up, trying to hide the evidence.
Doing stupid things to hide my shame, to cover up my embarrassment.

Learning how to be extremely good, so I never faced the chastisement
But one time when I was around thirteen years, I messed up big and paid the price
I told I friend I would make two pans of brownies, when I should have said one, so the dorm dad said
For that huge sin I would not escape, I would take the rap and not see grace

From that time on I was afraid to talk, panic attacks would not stand back
Learned to be quiet, not to speak, frightened I might say something weak
Trained to live with anxiety and fear, and with the moodiness of that same dorm dad
Where were my parents? Far away! Was there anyone to help bear the strain?

Only part of my story is stated here, but this part is something I have rarely told,
I just wanted it to go away, I only wanted to look back and see a life of cheer
I wanted to pretend nothing ever happened, I was strong and I was good
But that didn’t help with my constant distress, never knowing if I measured up.

Now I can just being to look back, to acknowledge the pain and hurtful things
Now I can experience that God’s grace is huge, is bigger than the appalling big man
I don’t have to fear what the big man will do if I make a mistake, I won’t feel the shame
God loves me so much, He knows my pain, and He has sent a tremendous rain

He sent the rain which brought relief, to heal my grief, to make the trembles freeze
He let me know He will never be ashamed of me, I don’t have to be crushed or afraid of Him
I don’t have to wonder if I’m good enough, For He has taken me and made me whole
I don’t have to worry about the big fat man, the chains are gone and I am who I am.

I don’t want to share to make you mad, to make you take arms and take a stand
I don’t want to share to cause a stir, to make you blame and demand revenge
I don’t need a call for NTM to take the shame, to feel my pain
I don’t need a call for those to apologize, who didn’t know and who weren’t even there!

Sending you a big, big hug, Agast! Your story is as important as anyone else's. When an adult uses their age, power and position, (and their physical size) to intimidate, control, bully and hurt a child, that is abusive. It's time for us all to recognize abuse in our homes and in NTM. I am so glad you've found your voice. You're not letting that big fat mean man control you anymore!
Thanks for speaking up and for sharing your heart with us. Your childhood taught you to be very quiet, be very good, and be very compliant. God's grace is showing you a different way to be.
Courageous, empathetic and articulate!
And beautiful!

Agast..so well written. I share your pain! I'm sooo very, very sorry!!

I too learned to be "a people pleaser" as a way to try to avoid the inevitable pain that would result if I didn't.

And I am furious that to this day "big man" is a pastor of a church. The big man who beat his own son so much there were black bruises down the back of his legs. The big perverted man who made us take his hugs and his "tickles". The mean, evil perverted big man! A pastor!

Oh Broken - thank you. I agree, it's disturbing to see the appalling big man a pastor now. I cannot even begin to imagine...!

NTM I know you "intend" to do "something" "sometime" about all these bleeding and wounded MKs and their families. Question is what do you intend to do and when? Will you wait until NTM is featured in an expose of child abuse on CNN, Fox News? Not in this lifetime? Oh, maybe you will give a Christmas present and come clean for Christmas? New Years? Valentine's day? Just wondering..... tick...tick...tick

Agree D&O . There are many in NTM, sister mission organizations and Christians everywhere that are being hurt by NTM's lack of dealing with sin. We wish NTM would take the right road and avoid being drug down slowly...slowly...painfully. Death by a thousand paper cuts is a slow painful way to go. This is not being done by MKs but by NTM's own sin as an organization. So sad.....keep praying though.