MK forum

Why is this practice still in use today by missions?

Excellent question. There is absolutely no excuse for sending small children away to boarding school. Not only is the practice itself emotionally and psychologically DEVASTATING to young children, not only are they then at risk for physical and sexual abuse as well, not only are they exposed to continuous bullying from other devastated, unloved, neglected and abuse children BUT...

it's a terrible witness!

So what if your God loved us so much he "gave His only son"? You white missionaries don't even care for your sons. You hardly see them.
So what if your God wants to accept us as sons and daughters of God? Your sons and daughters mean next to nothing in missionary culture. Who wants to be a part of that?

The greatest testimony of all is NOT the translated Bible, it is the living epistles of believers whose hearts are aflame with the love of God.

You can not love and neglect at the same time. You can not accept and abandon at the same time. Missionaries who send their children to boarding school are teaching lies about God by the way they live. No wonder so much of the work is fruitless! It's not because the job is impossible, it's because it's impossible to preach the gospel convincingly when you do not live it out. Duh.

Why is this not obvious?

We never put our own children in the boarding school in Thailand. Even when they were teenagers, we preferred to have them at home. In fact, especially when they were teenagers, since they were big enough to be a help to us in the work.

I had many friends and colleagues who did put their children in the MK school, and I would try to pick their brains in a non-confrontational way. I think I was often successful, but some people reacted with such defensiveness that I guess I must have come across as challenging their actions.

I asked one couple why they were anxious to send their children to the boarding school, and the mother replied, "I am just sooo tired of mediating arguments between the kids." You have to admire honesty wherever you find it; it is, after all, fairly rare. But, there isn't much else to admire about a statement like that. And, you can't call that defensive!

Another question I had for my fellow missionaries was this: We, as Christian parents, put our children in the MK schools because we do not want them exposed to the vile tribal cultures. What will we tell the tribal people to do when they become Christians? We have already told them, by our actions, that God cannot protect our children in the tribal setting. Can He protect tribal children in a tribal setting?

One unusually frank missionary told me this: "It's like being in a burning house. For some reason, I manage to get out. Others do not, for whatever reason. That's life. It's not always fair, but that's how it works. I just managed to keep my children out of the tribe and I'm as thankful for that as if I had escaped from a burning house."

This didn't really address the question, of course.

In fact, it raises even more questions:

Are our boarding schools free from sin? Or, are we just more used to the types of sin we have in the boarding schools? For example, Do I feel better about my daughter making out with a white boy than I would with a tribal boy?

Do parents become less vigilant in a boarding school situation than they would be in a tribal setting? What results can that have on the safety and purity of our children?

Can parental responsibilities be assigned to another person on a long term basis? I'm not talking about kids obeying the babysitter while the parents go out for supper. I'm talking about months on end.

To return to the original question in this thread: Why is this practice still in use today by missions?

Why, indeed.

NTM SHOULD NOT HAVE BOARDING SCHOOLS! GRACE, if you read this PLEASE SAVE THE CHILDREN! I dont think I will ever have peace untill ALL missionary boarding schools are shut down! THE CONCEPT WILL NEVER BE HEALTHY AND NEVER WORK, NO MATER WHAT CHANGES ARE MADE! PLEASE people SPEAK UP! Write a message here if nothing else! NTM, if you think I am a cowerd who is bold only when sitting behind a keybord then fly me back over to the USA. I will stand in front of all your 'men on the USA Executive Board' and put my money where my mouth is. I am HORIFIED by what I just read from a studant from Aritao. AND YOU (NTM) DID NOTHING ABOUT ANY OF THIS UNTILL KARI AND BINNIE THREATENED TO GO TO THE MEDIA! AND YOU THINK WE ARE THE OPPOSITION WHO ARE HINDERING GODS WORK. ArE YoU BlInD?!? GOD gave me the strength to go and speak to GRACE. He has given me a passion and only He will give me the strength to see this through.

One of the big questions I would raise is why do two adults who agree to marry and become missionaries decide to have children if they are not willing to take full responsibility for the care of those children?
If you look at missions through the 1800s and early 1900s, it was common practice to send the children back to the home country at a certain age to complete schooling. This was done with a parent (the mother) or a relative. It wasn't only missionaries who did this, however. The famous poet/writer Rudyard Kipling was sent back to England and faced an abusive situation with the people with whom he was sent to live. Boarding schools are as old as the hills.
The Catholic Church is the only mission organization that did not allow their clergy to marry, which can be argued with both pros and cons. This at least eliminated the plague of the Protestants - what to do with our kids?! And it kept the doors open for the Catholic Church to focus on hospitality toward the orphaned and infirmed (and if any of us have been watching the news about the Catholic Church, we know that they royally messed this up, too).
I grew up at a mission boarding school, and I have heard all the arguments pro and con. I do not have children of my own, but if I did, my choice would be to keep them with me. I would make the decisions necessary to give them a full education, proper care, and social support even if it meant that I would have to leave the mission field. A mission field is no mission field if the ones given to your trust are not your first mission.

I do agree that boarding schools could be for teens, IF they want to go. IF they have a choice. IF measures are put in place to keep them safe and IF they honestly feel free to say "i want to go back to my parents now" and are allowed. However, it still needs to be recognised there is still a risk even if all these if's (and more) are put in place.

ALL NTM boarding schools need to be shut down permanently!!! I am a victim of abuse in PNG. I know SO SO many other children who are too! There are just too many stories like this. I hear all of your if's..but that is not possible in NTM!

I, having been so tortured into submission, grew up to be a NTM Missionary - until it came time to put my children in their boarding school. I could not do it and was told by the field committee that I was "out of fellowship" for not doing so. Guess what....we "out of fellowshipped" ourselves right back to the USA where our children could be raised in a safe environment. There was only so much that NTM could control of me..they had brutally controlled my life as an MK, controlled me through their training system (in believing that if I wasn't with NTM I was "out of fellowship") BUT when it came down to my own precious children, there was no way even I could allow even the remotest possibility that they go through what I had to. Enough was enough! When we left the field we were told .."all couples that leave NTM wind up divorced because they just cannot operate out of God's will". Maybe it's actually because of the shock and trauma from their experience!!! I am still married and my children have become successful, well adjusted adults...no thanks to NTM!

I wonder if all their supporters know the truly snooty attitude they have that they are truly the only ones serving God..the supporters are trying to appease themselves by helping out with missions but only the ones that are members of NTM are in true fellowship with God! Talk about a cult!!! And this is teaching and philosophy and way-of-life that I grew up with..not just from one person but from an organization!

No more NTM boarding schools. They are too dangerous!!!

This post makes me very sad. To those who suffered abuse, boarding schools are terrible places. I hope that the people involved in the abuse will be punished because what they did was very wrong, but closing boarding schools is not the answer. I know that there are other MKs who had good experiences at boarding school and are "healthy" individuals today. I hope to be a voice of caution to those who would jump on a bandwagon to close all the schools.

I was blessed with a good experience at PQQ. Although I was 6 years old when I first went to PQQ, my life was not traumatized by that experience and I have a wonderful relationship with my parents to this very day. People who say that this age is too young to be separated from one's parents, have obviously not done a scientific study that includes people like me.

My faith in God is unshaken and I am "well adjusted", married to a wonderful man, and have a career that would not have been possible without the education and life lessons that I learned at boarding school. I am not a very good "Christian" today, but that has nothing to do with my childhood and I would never blame my personal choices in life on going to boarding school.

Yes, I got homesick at boarding school. Yes, I got spanked when I was in the "Little Dorm"--once when I deserved it and once when I did not. Everyone makes mistakes. PQQ offered sound academics, sports, drama, choir, band, piano, camping trips, parties, field days, friends, the counsel of godly men and women, and many other good things. If I had been homeschooled I would have missed out on so many wonderful things! PQQ prepared me for college, and even though I had the adjustment period that many TCK's have, I think all of these experiences made me a better, stronger person. In high school, I remember taking "Doctrine" class with Mr. Teeter and how it was presented so well. Asking questions and struggling with answers . . . . there was no condemnation in the teaching, no legalism. I wish more missionaries had learned from Mr. Teeter. I wish the kids at Fanda had my teachers and dorm parents at PQQ.

That said, I know that some students at PQQ did not enjoy being at school like I did and probably would have been better served by home schooling. Home schooling is a good choice for SOME parents and for SOME children. However, having been trained as an educator, I think that some parents are not equipped to teach and they hinder their children's potential out of their own selfish interest to have their children near them. Certain tribal situations are not the best places for children and boarding schools can provide a great environment for children to learn. Some children can do very well with home schooling despite the educational limitations of their parents and some would not do well. Thus, this should be a personal decision for each family and I would say that children should have a "say" in whether or not they go to a boarding school or whether they are home schooled.

What should be banned are the days when parents are made to feel like they have "no choice in the matter" and when children are subjected to an authoritarian decision by a parent without being given the chance to discuss the pros and cons of the educational choice. I don't remember discussing this with my parents when I was going to PQQ, but I know that my choice would have been to go to boarding school, despite missing my parents. I loved PQQ and I loved going home to my parents "in the tribe". Boarding school does not have to be a bad experience. It can be a great experience and the people on this blog would have denied me this experience.

I have a friend who is "horrified" at the thought of sending her child to boarding school. She can only see the potential for bad things. I hope that her son will agree with her in years to come. It is a personal decision and should not be judged by me or others. I for one, am glad my parents had the foresight to see that this was the best thing to do for me. I will always thank them for their decision to send me to boading school. The momentary tears of homesickness were well worth a lifetime of blessing.

Growing up, I knew of some kids whose parents were physically and emotionally abusive and very legalistic. (I never heard of any sexual abuse.) I always thought that they must have loved going to PQQ in order to get away from their parents. Abuse comes from individuals. Yes, NTM as an organization had poor leaders who failed to act at Fanda, but the focus should be on making sure that the individuals who work at boarding schools are properly trained and screened. There should be levels of accountability so that problems of any kind can be identified early and corrected promptly.

-NB