MK forum

I would like to start a dialogue about Collusion in mission agencies that silences victims, supports perpetrators and stalls reform. Anyone interested?

My motivation to start this now was a comment someone said in one of the posts on Fanda Eagles, “Larry is an MK just like us and most of the events told here did not happen on his watch”. I had a visceral response to one of the current key leaders in New Tribes Mission also being an MK. Certainly former MK’s are often the primary people who lead in advocacy and reform within the mission communities (Fanda Eagles is of course a prime example). But former MK’s, especially those in leadership positions, can also both actively and passively resist truth, justice and reform in the mission organizations they grew up in.

I do not know if this is true about Larry. But I do know that being a former MK does not automatically mean you support reform. I know this because in the advocacy I have done with the C&MA, not one of the former MK’s who are in their Head Office have worked from “the inside” to ensure changes happened. These MK’s had themselves been abused (they had told others in the Head Office about their abuse), and some of their family members were also severely abused. So it was never a matter of disbelieving us.

When I read Dee Miller’s work on collusion (http://www.takecourage.org/defining) I began to understand some of the reasons for mission leaders who had been MK’s did not respond with urgency as the extent of abuse surfaced.

Dee Miller’s definition of collusion is “the conscious or unconscious collaboration of two or more individuals to protect those engaged in unethical practices”. (In my experience, it is often unconscious collaboration – or maybe, I need to believe it is unconscious because I have been so emotionally traumatized by the collusion of people I considered close friends and colleagues).

One of the things I found most interesting in what Dee Miller said is that, “No Church (or mission agency or mission leader) can adequately deal with abusive ministers and leaders until the members have each, individually, grieved their own personal stories. Those stories will impact every new story one encounters and put blinders on the eyes of those who are afraid to see, just as they have been afraid to see their own losses in the past.”

She also says, “Unresolved grief, not just about our stories of bereavement, may possibly constitute the greatest single cause for institutional dysfunction and acting-out behaviors of all kinds in congregational relationship!”

I would love to explore this whole issue of collusion in the world of mission, supporting churches, friends, family members, etc.

What a timely topic! I hope this gets lots of input, as it is neglected to the detriment of all - missionaries, MKs and supporters.

It has been my personal experience that evangelical churches are extremely authoritarian. I have seen and heard leadership argue that they are the anointed of God and therefore cannot be criticized. "Wo unto someone who raises their hand against the anointed of God". That silences all the people who believe that somehow that particular leadership holds the keys of heaven and hell in their hands. This type of attitude creates a strange kind of hypocrisy. People know the leadership is wrong, say so behind the leaderships back, but carefully avoid public confrontation. They collude to help the evil go on.

Another aspect that leads to collusion is the exagerated fear evangelicals have of judging. Not judging becomes an excuse for keeping quiet about things, for not pointing things out, "oh, I mustn't judge", is said, as a way of avoiding confrontation and of rocking the boat.

Another issue that I think causes collusion is the joy issue. You must always show the joy of the Lord. You are obligated to be happy even when bad things are happening. You have to be a sweet person. It's an imposition of a certain mode of being and of a certain type of personality that leads to an avoidance of confronting difficult issues. You mustn't let 'roots of bitterness' grow.

There is far more discussion about not judging and being joyful in evangelical circles in my experience (which of course is limited as all human experience is limited to particular circles) than to ethical issues. Ethics is never discussed.

"Collusion is usually far more devastating to victims than the primary abuse." from Dee Ann Miller http://www.takecourage.org/defining.htm

For most of the MKs who are fighting missions to admit the abuse and do something about it. Collusion is the worst part of the whole mess. It lasts for years. Look at the C&MA and the abuse that began to happen at Mamou by 1950 or even before that yet they are still trying to get us to just be happy. Why are some of the abused MKs who are in leadership defending the mission? It is the way they think because of the abuse they have suffered, I think often theirs is unconscious collaboration.

In following Emerging from Broken http://emergingfrombroken.com/love-is-patient-love-is-kind-a-bit-of-a-rant/ Darlene Ouimet discusses 1 Cor 13:4 -7. showing that an abused person interprets these verses in a way which justifies the abuser. This thought pattern is exactly what we see in those who have been abused and then find themselves in leadership in that same organization. Here is one example of what Darlene says she thought about this passage. "Love keeps no record of wrongs ~Translation: Forget immediately the harm done to me by everyone else and NEVER bring it up again, never speak of it or reveal it or bring attention to it. If I ever do reveal those secrets, I am no better than the one who did it..."

I have found myself thinking this way at times. I think one of ways to fight this is to work with abuse victims to help them realize the lies they have been believing. We may be our own worst enemy. Learning to think correctly is a life long process. Talking to others who have been abused can expose us to the truth and also to healing.

Also there are many sermons preached on this passage and it should be explain so that those listening who have been abused not to interpret as Darlene did. If the percentage of abuse victims is correct that could be 30 to 45% of those listening. There should be much more research into how those who have been abused think.

Collusion is the easy way out. It appears as though they (the colluders) feel as though they are on the side of the "right" and the victims are on the "wrong" side. The victims aren't right with God because they haven't forgiven. If I may say, PAAAALEEESE! Somewhere along the line Christians seem to think the consequence of sin is forgiveness by the victim! This shift, along with the colluding peers, has allowed the predators to continue and flourish. Christians have forgotten the basics - let the consequence be the deterrent.

As recently as the Grace Report and this Blog, I’m finding a resolution that was impossible before without the validation necessary.

Kids constantly pick up cues from adults. If a child lives under suspicion, is it any wonder that they would have an awful time with undefined guilt?

If a child’s boundaries are invaded by an adult, is it any wonder that they feel powerless later on and have an awful time establishing healthy boundaries?

Patterns have been established and unless another adult (person with similar authority) intervenes to define right and wrong for that child in regards to actions taken against them, the patterns remain.

As long as the patterns remain, they are being reinforced. Until that person finds “the voice of truth,” they’re stuck. They may be stuck with nebulous guilt, an awful shame and uncleanness, and terrific fear. Then, if those in authority treat the wrong as minor, brushing it aside, or worse, treating it as thought nothing really happened, they throw out that child/person with the trash. Is it any wonder that person is left feeling like refuse? To say nothing of the powers we wrestle against who leap at the chance to destroy the weak.

And if it is true that it takes about 7x the effort to correct a wrong, is it any wonder that person has a very difficult time receiving/believing truth? Multiply this by the extent of the wrongs.

I’ve seen this cycle in my own life over and over and over again and each time, I get it just a little more deeply. God is relentless.

Restoration, then, is two-fold: 1) identifying the wrong (sin) 2) replacing it with the right (good)

No wonder repentance is such a healing thing. Instead, what I have often seen are “cover-all” general apologies along with a call for “forgiveness” i.e. “let’s all just forget this ever happened and move on.” (Which, I think is equivalent to the actions described in James 2:15-16.) Repentance is specific, resulting in definite action(s) which can include some kind of compensation – the old, “how can I make it up to you?” Interestingly, the onus is place on wrong-doer to take the initiative in making things right. “If anyone has something against you…” (Matt. 5:23) Status quo for Kingdom citizens.

I love the concept of "be disloyal to what is dysfunctional and loyal to what is functional". We were taught loyalty at all cost to what our Christian leaders told us, regardless of how dysfunctional or even criminal it was. This too feeds the collusion in the mission community and leadership.

Learning to be disloyal has been one of my challenges. And figuring out what is healthy and "functional", to displace the dysfunction I was immersed in is the other challenge.

Beverly

From MKSafetynet.net. "The Family" is one more concept which aids collusion. While it seems good to have a community of "aunties and uncles" within a Christian community, this concept enables and protects those deviants and predatory individuals who seek ultimate in-house safety and protection. Sadly, within the same "Family" lives the idea that those who have victimized children and adults need only forgiveness and restoration; pedophilia and sexual assault are not seen as crimes which need to be reported to the criminal justice system.

This is the first I have come across anyone discussing the auntie/uncle lifestyle imposed on us. How rediculous. Such nonsense. How I hate now to think of them, having called them those family words. How dare they hold those positions! The mission strips us of our REAL parents and sticks fake parents in our place of living (not a home) to "care" for us. Bull shit. Are we allowed to say that Kari? Oh well. They were not my relatives. I see it now as part of the mind tricks played on us to make us behave.