MK forum

While praying this morning, God brought some things to my mind. I am not an abuse victim, nor the parent of one. Yet I want to know what I can do that would help when I come in contact with victims of sexual abuse TO SHOW I CARE AND WANT TO HELP? Also what can I do for the parents of victims? Being involved in ministry I have come in contact with individuals that I actually asked if there was abuse in the past in their lives. Each time I asked this, I was right. But what more can I do to show I care? For me I do not know if listening and believing is enough???

Hoping not to bore you, I have an incident that made me think about this. Two years ago I went to the emergency room with chemical burns and cuts on my arm and hand. I was worn out looking working sixty hours a week, in my dirty uniform, and distraught at the accident I had just caused. I had at least two hospital staff ask me in a discreet manner if I had been assaulted by a boyfriend or spouse. I kept telling them no.

The next day at the bone doctor's office they were shocked to hear I hadn't been treated for the burns at all. They treated me with a cream and bandaged me under a splint. I left feeling a little bit more relief from the burn pain.

My first point is from the emergency room. Physical abuse is easily exposed when clothing is removed. When a victim comes in with bruises and burns or slashes on one's back, no one is going to say the victim made up the abuse incident or it is the victim's fault. The abuse crime will be recognized immediately. However I feel sexual abuse victims do not have that benefit. Either being told they made up the incident or are at fault. I already know and believe victims of sexual abuse. Without external wounds blatantly proving the abuse, they already face people doubting them, not believing or pointing fingers. Case in point, the young girls at Fanda in ntm Senegal.

My second point is the kind treatment I received at the bone doctor office. The ER had told me just use ice on the bandaged burn. However, the doctor office applied a healing, soothing cream to the burn. They also splinted the hand. The ER didn't have the ability to do that. They had given me a temporary splint. The doctor office sent things home with me at no charge to continue coating the burn and bandaging it.

Both groups were knowledgeable. The second actually helped the horrible burn pain with the ointment. I want to be like both groups. I now know how rampant sexual abuse is in the church. I even know some signs if they become evident. But now I want to know how I personally can help victims I come in contact with?

What small and big things can I do for Victims? I am already using social media to make people aware of abuse in church organizations and missions and I am pursuing getting involved politically.

But I want to know what helps the victims themselves? If one of you were in my area of Pennsylvania and I knew you personally, what little things could I do to show I care?

For you parents, aside from praying daily for Justice, what helps you ?

Thanks for any response to this.

Thanks for a great post, NowAware. I hope some abuse survivors will post their answers to your question.

I am a parent of abused MKs. For me, just knowing people like you take the abuse seriously and are upset about it really helps. Because that is the opposite of what I feel from most of my former NTM "family" .... to most, it apparently just really isn't that big of a deal.

And that really hurts.

I don't have kids either and I'm certainly not a good Christian Saint, who attends Church regularly. So as I was at the bottom of the pecking order (being a foreign kid) at the boarding school I went to and got to put up with all sorts of crap, then I have two choices: 1) feel sorry for myself and stay in victim mode for the rest of my life. 2) wander off and just put the whole thing as being the luck of the draw, forgive and forget e.t.c. Right?

Well yes and no. There is a third choice and that is to follow ones conscience (or divine leading if one feels so inclined) and use what skills one has to make a difference. Now I'm not a particularly passionate person about most causes, for the simple reason I grew up with parents who were so passionate about their cause it was the only thing they knew (except running, which was a passion for my father too) and it was all they talked about. So it put me off being passionate about saving Whales, Cycleways, National Parks, Gay Rights and whatever "normal" humans get behind.
I'm not articulate like Mrs Bemused or Bemused Senior, as I'm shy, but put a keyboard at the end of my fingers and wallagh, Bemused is in his element, he can type the hind leg off a donkey.

So for me the aim has been to remove the fence that far to many sit on. That's tribers and ex tribers who should not be sitting on the fence. Oh sure if you asked an individual if they supported child abuse, they are very unlikely to say "yes", but if you as them to get off their backside and do something about it, they probably just don't want to know, because "it has been all taken care of", whether that be by some executive committee or God Himself.
By pushing the issue into the face of those who should be concerned, because they had direct involvement, it removes the option of just sitting on the fence pretending that they know nothing. If someone then still decides to do nothing, then they must wear the consequences of that decision. And the consequences are now that far more powerful people than just a ragtag bunch of MKs are looking seriously into this whole matter and asking serious questions. Look how much less support there is for NTM, both financially and with recruits. The world attitude has turned against child abuse committed by institutions and individuals. Look at what has happened to the Catholic Church, the Jimmy Saville saga and Penn State.

So why this issue. Simple, I was there and I knew it was wrong then and I know it is even more wrong now because there is so much more of it come to light. Abuse was happening all around me, we had a convicted criminal living in our house, that is how close it was. And I don't want it on my conscience that kids had the damaging childhoods like many of us did, because I didn't bother doing anything or just didn't care.

Therefore I write my little socks off. And to be honest, I actually enjoy it, because it comes with big rewards. Replies from the Powerful and Mighty are wonderful, but it is the nice little messages from total strangers that say "Bemused you made me laugh or I cried and let the pain out because I saw my journey in your poem" that make me feel that this is a worthwhile cause.

Share your passion for the end of child abuse, like your very existence depended on it, so that the children of tomorrow will never be where we are today because of the things that were swept under "the rug of righteousness" yesterday. And all are left in no doubt that you are truly a person who cares and therefore a wonderful human being.

Yes Bemused you do a great job in your part of the fight against abuse. NowAware you are doing your job also. Just sit back and relax you will know your part as you do it. And opportunities will definitely show up when people know you will listen. I do most of mine through FB and some closed sites that I have. Places where it is safe for people to talk. I am the administrator so can keep out those who would abuse more. We need both places where those just starting their journey are safe and then places like fandaeagles where Bemused, Raz and others take on the world and do a great job. Each of us has a place. When I joined the MK Safety Net board I was brought to tears by those on the board who were not abused but fighting for us.

This article from Emerging From Broken shows how much the abused need people who have not been abused. She also as noticed that the ones who fight her are very often in denial about their own abuse. Maybe that is why so many in missions are fighting because they have been abused by the missions and can't deal with it.

http://emergingfrombroken.com/why-people-discount-the-adult-child-and-defend-the-abuser/#more-4861

EEEEEEK. Not sure sitting back and relaxing is gonna get justice. Backsides need to be kicked and kicked very hard. Abusing a child is a disgraceful thing to do!!!!! And it is cowardly, because a child can't fight back. Why don't these cowards go out and beat or rape an adult, because they know that they don't stand a chance of getting away with it.

Nowaware, you have guts and I like your style. Kids have a better chance of living, because you care enough to stand up for what others don't. We probably won't get the chance to meet in this life, but I'll sure make sure I give you a big Aussie hug in the next.
And if anyone else wants a big Aussie hug, I strongly suggest you follow the example of the brave few who kick backsides and demand justice, because I don't hug cowards.
Grab your chainsaw sister, we are going to get ourselves some backsides to kick into action!!!!!

Thanks for the Personal messages and posts.

Hi NowAware!

Nice avatar!!

Now we know why NTM kept you on their website . Nice young lady would keep the $$$$ in.
Well they're hardly going to use my pic for publicity, only a half blind, confused, Canadian lumberjack would want to donate after seeing that avatar .
As for Bemused, well what can you say? The dog is a real cutie.

Oh and the pic of Raz with her brother, nah not NTM's style, us kids just got in the way of the great calling.