When I was about 8 and 9 years old, I began having some health issues in the dorm. At first, nobody really knew what was going on, but when my Mom decided to check it out, the drs. discovered I had low blood sugar, which explained a lot.
In the dorm, we had the same breakfasts every week, and without fail on the days that we had pancakes, french toast and coffee cake (on Sundays), I would get really nauseated around 10 a.m. Pancake and french toast days were usually school days and I would get so sick I would have to be sent home. I remember vomiting in class several times, much to my dismay and shame. Just getting sent home sick felt shameful. Sundays were nearly unbearable and I began to relate sitting through the church service to being sick to my stomach.
Once I had lunch and my blood sugar leveled out, I would feel absolutely fine and want to go out and play with my friends, but this was seriously frowned upon because it seemed people suspected that I was just trying to get out of school (or church). Which was not the case, I was very social and hated being alone in my room...would have much rather been at school with everyone else.
First lie: People will not believe what I say, I always have to explain myself in detail, convincing people I am not lying. People secretly suspect that when I say I'm not feeling well, that I'm just being lazy.
So after they discovered that I had low blood sugar, measures were taken to provide me with the needed protein on the days when it was a sugary breakfast. I was not allowed to put syrup on my pancakes and I had peanut butter instead. The cooks were also supposed to fix me eggs on those days, but they never remembered to do so. But every time I went to the kitchen to ask them for my eggs, the cook(s) would act very annoyed, sometimes even rolling their eyes or banging pots around to fix the eggs.
Another lie: I am a bother. Having a need is a bother. If I ask someone for something, they will be angry with me for asking.
To this day, I struggle with asking people for help or favors and I feel shame if I have a need. I struggle to allow people to serve me, because I somehow suspect that inside they resent having to do so.
Truth: I don't have to explain myself to people, more than is necessary. They can believe me or not, that is their choice. I may sometimes choose to lie, but I am not a liar.
Truth I am learning: It is not shameful to have a need. It would be unnatural NOT to have needs. Other people's emotions are their emotions, they are not my emotions. Other people's anger is not mine to own. If I ask for a favor and someone responds positively, I can accept that they willingly chose to say yes. It does not mean that they are secretly resentful of me and if they are resentful, then that is their issue and not mine to own. Many times, other people delight in serving or in helping...and often they enjoy feeling needed. I can honor people by accepting what they have to offer.
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