MK forum

Consider this scenario. Beyond the abuse that happened as children, the coverup and relocation of the abusers, and the abused being ignored by the mission, consider the present. In the last two years the response from the church and from other missions has been overwhelmingly negative to disclosures of child abuse by someone in their congregation. I could show you letter after letter that I’ve been cc’ed on angrily saying, we don’t agree with the GRACE report, so and so abuser is an upstanding member of our body, etc. If that is unfathomable to you, it is to me also. If you read GRACE’s facebook page and blog, you will see that they too speak about the overwhelmingly poor response of the church when it comes to child abuse. GRACE was formed over the need to educate churches on how to have better responses to child sexual abuse. Churches.

So why is this? Can you wrap your head around trying to imagine why the church repeatedly protects the pedophile and silences the child? How do we make sense of this? Genuinely curious and wanting to hear responses. After your 200th letter from a church leader (to date, 100% male) who is angry at the ‘gossip’ that someone in his congregation is a child molester, even after reading the GRACE report, what do you start to think? How does your mind wrap around such information. How does one justify this? Am I assuming we’ll come to the conclusion that all men have the same propensities? I certainly hope not, help me to understand their silence and condemnation.

i'll bite.
1. i wouldn't call it necessarily "propensity towards" as opposed to...almost completely dysfunctional relationship toward the whole area of sex? like a foreign, uncomfortable language that you'd rather not speak. and thus, when it comes up, you have no frame of reference in which to operate.

2. the broader question is one which, at 33, and still in so many ways a raging idealist, i don't know if i'll ever understand. the best answer i've discovered so far is "glaring lack of personal courage?"

nobody has any guts. nobody was raised, either explicitly or implicitly, to think of themselves as a "hero." a person who, when the moment arises -- "that" moment -- they will rise up and take names. regardless of the personal cost. I feel like a lot of that response, which MUST be immediate, in many cases, takes preparation almost--a mindset. it's just simply easier, if you can soothe the burn in your gut, to move on. to close ranks. to forget it ever happened.

on a personal level: I WANT to be a hero. for all of the right and even some wrong reasons. i crave drama and a good story arc. i overreact even. i'm being honest. but i have to at least have that set of standards, even if i fall short. i don't know how you can live with yourself otherwise.

what i can't fathom is this. if these rigid church leaders have a fear of addressing any topic involving sex, yet they must address it, why almost always side with the pedophile, and not the child? can this be explained?

jdg, you already are and have been a hero to me for being here and talking.

i think that "letting the pedo be" is, as horrific as this sounds, the default setting. cowardice chooses the default. i mean, blowing up a pedo is about as much "rocking the boat" as you can rock it, right?

Kari consider this. I think many of these men think that they are annointed by God and are walking in the spirit. They are doing the Lord`s work of saving lost souls. Anything that hinders that is therefor going against God. The adult is doing the Lord`s work and the child is interfering(sp)with the ministry. Who do you think they are going to believe?

Good Question!!!

To encourage you guys (as in men) who have spoken up, who have stood up for the victims. It means A LOT. A LOT. You have no idea.

When I first started reading this blog, I kept thinking that similar stories are buried in many churches. Its sick, so sick.

At the same time, I have witnessed a good example in one church. I wish it were much, much more common. In that case, as soon as the leaders found out, they called the police. They rallied to the victims, and they communicated with the parents, the media and the congregation. They had a fairly clear child protection policy already in place and added to it as a result of that situation. It was a horrible, painful, disgusting mess, but I respect the leadership for how they handled it when they found it.

So in the example above, I see several good reasons for why they acted: 1) a respect for authority 2) compassion for the victims 3) a commitment to transparency 4) a clear understanding of the steps that should be taken (They were prepared.) 5) And, leaders with the courage to follow through.

When there is cover-up and excusing sinful behavior in any form, it is because there is sin at the core that needs protected and kept a secret.

In the church I used to attend, where the pastor and elders went whole hog in helping the molester and left my daughter in the dust, I truly believe there is a whole lot of sin at the core of these men's lives. For them to be willing to confront this sin of child molesting, they would have to be willing to confront the sin in their own lives. And they're not willing to do that.