MK forum

Quite some years ago I discovered a site for PNG MKs and with hesitation contacted some of the MKs I grew up with. It would be fair to say I had parted not on the best terms when I came home but I figured it had been over 20 years might be nice to see what they were up to. Some didn't reply, some were hostile and obviously hadn't moved on from our childhood differences, some decided it would be a good opportunity to convert the heathen from downunder, one gave me a lecture on being childless (without even inquiring why I was) and two wrote nice letters. However I found I'd ended up on a mailing list (and my name got muddled up with a former field chairman) and all as I seemed to get was the odd happy memories of the good old days, so I gave it the flick and carried on with my happy little world of self sufficiency I had created for myself.
I did hear from one MK every so often, but I gave her the brush off, for which I deserve to be reprimanded, but she has kindly forgiven me.

Then at 1330 on the 22nd of Feb 2011, my life exploded in 5 seconds. An earthquake went off in the volcanic rock my house is built on. Most earthquakes cause a horizontal motion, this one went vertical and the cliffs above the house exploded, sending boulders of enormous size into the houses below and destroying the house I'd built and the garden I had spent most of my adult life creating. There was no power, no phone, no water, just bodies everywhere, many dead, others in pieces and Mrs Bemused was in town on the other side of impassable roads and collapsed bridges. We survived, but life changed. And when I got another e-mail from my MK colleague and pointed in the direction of Fanda Eagles, it was time to look at the past, it was time to sort that out.

There I read that my journey was similar to far to many others, that what had happened in my headspace was like others all over the world. I was releived, I was angry at NTM and I felt the burden of injustice of it all. I aired my families dirty laundry and I was fortunate enough to be able to find stability and happiness. Excellent you are thinking, that is very nice for you Bemused. Hey I haven't finished yet, so don't go away.

The point is, if someone hadn't taken the time to find me and write to me there would be no
Bemused, no nice little story, just another MK out there somewhere wondering what it was all about, thinking they were the only one who got a rough deal while all the other MKs went home found Mr/Mrs Perfect, had 2.4 kids who turned out really successful, went to a lovely church and went to MK reunions to discuss the good times and sing Kum bah ya!

So how many MKs are out there who are where Bemused was before the siesmic disaster? Is anyone tracking them down to say "are you o.k., because given recent revelations, you may well not be"? I've reached out and tracked down a few MKs, it's not that hard. They might tell you they are fine, thanks very much (cool, brilliant), they might tell you to #!%$ off (ouch), or you might have just reached out to someone who is sitting on a powder keg that will one day explode and you become the first step on defusing the bomb (does Columbine ring a bell or David Bain?).

The world we live in now is not the lovely black and white world we had as NTM MKs growing up. It's shades of grey and some of it dark shades. Someone comes on Fanda Eagles and says I'm messed up, I drink to much because of my past, they are easy to reach out to, send a smiley, say "I hear your pain", "I'm thinking of you". But what if someone came on this site and said, I am so messed up I now find solace as a Moslem, a Hindu, a Budhist. Hmmmmm to hard basket, let someone else deal with that one. O.k. lets get really controversial, someone comes on this site and says "I was so seriously sexually abused, I do not trust members of the opposite sex, I am a homosexual!" Whoa Bemused this is too dark a shade of grey, yes it is an ethical nightmare for many of us, but it could well happen and what will you do? We all know what the bible says about homosexuality, but we also have a pretty good idea of what horrors this MK has been through and possibly a little insight into why they are the way they are. And suddenly Bemused has you thinking, what is the answer and guess what, Bemused doesn't have one for you, except reach out to that MK too from the bottom of your heart, don't add to their pain by ignoring them or condemning them.

So you've got this far and you are thinking, well old Bemused mades some interesting points and he wrote them quite well, so lets just say, "good one" and get back to normal.

No, no. Do me just one thing, try and reach out to an MK you haven't heard of from ages, perhaps the quiet one that slipped under the radar and see if they are o.k. Then come back when you have done it and tell the rest of us (without names of course) how you got on and how you feel about it.

Someone reached out to Bemused and if you've been paying attention to the progression of his story, they did him a very good turn for which he will always be thankful.

Advocacy and support, without an agenda.

I may not always succeed at that, but it is a goal I have for myself.

The Bible clearly says, "Judge not", yet we Christians tend to be full of logical explanations of when, why, and of whom we still have the right to be judgmental about.

You've given us some very important points to ponder, Bemused.

I have recently reached out,Bemused, to a dear frine of mine from Tambo, It has taken nearly a year for her to even respond with a "like" on my FB. I know she is in pain and hurts like hell but has chosen to be silent. I will continue to respond to her in any way I can to get her to open up. We were great frinds, she ran away from the boarding school never to return. I asked her "why the silence" and she has yet to respond to the question. so I patiently wait for the water to boil and the lid to pop!

When we left NTM I was in fear of NTM and it's workers.....we left and NEVER looked back....never wanted anything to do with it. I never would have wanted to hear from anyone from those days because as a small child I processed the way the "higher beings" treated me and the national people of PNG. I saw nothing of God character in those years and learnt NEVER to trust anyone in NTN. I TOTALLY understand why people may run, be silent or unhappy to be contacted fellow MK's from the past! Presently I only have contact with one person from those terrible days....and that is because I saw as a 7 and 8 year old that we shared the same eyes for the truth around us and suffered terribly for it. They never broke us.

So... bear in mind when you approach a former MK......they are still running....still live in fear....and have learn't never to trust. They have suffered under the no speak policies of "missions" for far too long and it is as raw for them today on your approach as it was in those terrible days maybe 10-20 years ago. Your contact scrapes the surface of deep wounds....so gently gently.

Give them the heads up....maybe acknowledge that you knew things were really bad for them in those mission years and that you always felt for them....perhaps you felt helpless and unable to help. Then leave it with them...things take time....it's their call if and when they ever want to go there.....

I also want to thank those more mature MK's from PNG who on my finding this site were so genuinely kind and understanding. It makes such a difference having a little understanding from those who were familiar with the PNG base and the history it hid. That is what this site IS about...being there..being genuine...understanding the journey that abuse takes you on.

Victim No More

Bemused I think what you wrote is what Bonnie and Kari had intended for this site to be.

Hey I saw this on the PNG mk facebook page and absolutely had to respond.

I think people should be careful about using the implication that sexual abuse is the root cause of homosexuality. Those insinuations can only hurt the gay community.

Perhaps you didn't mean for that to come across that way, but it did.

Hi PNGMK

I know myself at times I have written things more to stimulate the grey matter of readers and to provoke thought rather than subscribing or believing in a particular line of thought. My postings can be harsh re. NTM....but truthful. A lot of things get thrown around in here and I know Bemused would not intend any hurt.

....how do you feel about the abuse and cover ups in PNG?