MK forum

Discuss anything MK here
It is currently Wed Aug 21, 2019 11:06 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 82 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 9  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 1:49 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:22 am
Posts: 263
Thanks, everyone for the warm welcome! I appreciate your words of encouragement.

@Shary...I have heard about the MK Conference and my husband and I spent a few days thinking about it to see if it would work. Unfortunately, we are expecting a women's short-term team from our home church that same week, which complicated my desire to go to the conference...since I am part of hosting the team, I really need to be here for that, but I was very torn between the two. I am very disappointed to miss out on this great opportunity for MKs to get together face to face!


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 2:04 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:22 am
Posts: 263
dbarney wrote:
I believe that all of us MKs were put in a place of oppression. Never allowed to express ourselves in word or action. We were insignificant...to be seen and not heard. Everything, even our letters were monitored. A perfect place to fester and grow preditors because no one would list to us. They still don't listen to us today and continue to drag MKs through the mud with tape over our mouths.


I would agree with this as being my experience as well for the most part (our letters were not monitored that I know of). This kind of environment made us very vulnerable to abuse by adults or those in 'authority' because even if they chose to behave badly towards the kids, it was as if it was considered their 'right' as adults/authority figures and there really wasn't much we could do about it. We really were conditioned to not question or criticize leadership or adults. Even as recently as a couple of years ago, a leader's wife told me "you really can't go around criticizing and questioning leadership...they (leadership) make the decisions and the rest of us just have to go along with it."

And then much to my dismay, I found myself repeating this same pattern with my own kids! I am very grateful that God has helped me get out of that, though, and I am working to leave a different kind of legacy for them now.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 2:26 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:22 am
Posts: 263
Raz wrote:
Thank you so much, AnotherMK, for your excellent post. I often wonder how to account for the thousands of hits on this site every day; wondering who is watching, reading, without revealing who they are, or why they are interested.

You make so many good points about the various types of abuse that we endured in NTM, both as MKs and as adult missionaries. Current NTM members are holding stubbornly to their belief that there is no abuse currently going on within their mission. They are so unaware of the many ways in which control is exerted in their very closed and secretive community. For many of us ex-New Tribers, there is a gradual comprehension that comes over us, once we are away from THE Mission, of just how much abuse we not only were subjected to, but alas, also participated in perpetuating on others. For me, this process has taken years, and is still ongoing.

I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you as a child. The issue of sexual abuse in other circumstances has not been discussed much here. But the fact is, many, many MKs were violated and used sexually by people other than dorm parents and school staff. I had read the excellent article you linked in your post a few days ago and was very moved by it. ( http://www.alifeoverseas.com/sexual-abu ... ion-field/ ) I am thankful to hear of the understanding and healing that has been occurring in your own heart as you have been processing your childhood trauma.

Thank you for being here. We would love to hear more from you!


I guess I contributed to a few of those hits... :)

What is it they say...ignorance is bliss? I believe that many members might be aware of some issues, troubled by things they've heard or even have doubts, but perhaps are afraid of going further and prefer to remain in ignorance so as to not rock the boat and have to admit that all is not well? It might be inconvenient to face the full truth because then it upsets the status quo and changes might have to be made. And then there are the examples of what happens to other members who do speak up or don't conform and then get on the 'outs' or not as accepted and/or subsequently denied the ministry they feel God is leading them to have. I definitely felt the unspoken pressure to not step out of line, but then there came a point when I could not be silent any longer.

In my case, it was almost a matter of identity and to admit issues or problems felt very threatening to my NTM-based identity. I don't know if that's how it is for others, but I imagine that there are some who have experienced that same dynamic. It is probably easier to just chalk up the issues as a few isolated incidents than to really face and deal with it as a systemic problem.

We have also experienced the 'gradual comprehension' as our paradigms have shifted and since my husband is not American, we also have the perspective of non-U.S. members and how they are treated at times within NTM. I am ever so grateful that my husband is now in a place where he is fully accepted and respected and treated as an equal.

Yes, the issue of sexual abuse in circumstances other than by staff, etc. is a big one...the majority of the incidents that I know about fall under this category. But I believe that the underlying environment, etc. probably contributed just as it did to the other circumstances.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 2:34 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:14 am
Posts: 5249
My Dear Another MK,

Your story interests me. While most people in NTM have a monocultural relationship, you and I don't and your mention of this as being a source for not being accepted has me thinking again about this issue. I'm not sure if you've figured out, but I'm from South (no not Texas), the really long way South, Downunder.
We were let know in no uncertain terms that we were second class missionaries and MKs, and there to do what we were told. There was no Abraham Lincoln to deliver us, so we were well and truly stuffed. To complicate matters, not all from New Zealand are white, hell no, some of us are a lovely shade of dark brown and at least five kiwi missionaries who were with NTM were so (given the small number of missionaries eminating from our fair shores, that is a high percentage). And shock horror, we intermarry a lot (my wife for instance has part Chinese heritage).
So I'd be interesting knowing what your experience was in NTM because of this.

Kind regards to yourself and your good man.

Bemused of the deep deep South (one stop up from Penguinville)


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 4:01 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:22 am
Posts: 263
Bemused wrote:
My Dear Another MK,

Your story interests me. While most people in NTM have a monocultural relationship, you and I don't and your mention of this as being a source for not being accepted has me thinking again about this issue. I'm not sure if you've figured out, but I'm from South (no not Texas), the really long way South, Downunder.
We were let know in no uncertain terms that we were second class missionaries and MKs, and there to do what we were told. There was no Abraham Lincoln to deliver us, so we were well and truly stuffed. To complicate matters, not all from New Zealand are white, hell no, some of us are a lovely shade of dark brown and at least five kiwi missionaries who were with NTM were so (given the small number of missionaries eminating from our fair shores, that is a high percentage). And shock horror, we intermarry a lot (my wife for instance has part Chinese heritage).
So I'd be interesting knowing what your experience was in NTM because of this.

Kind regards to yourself and your good man.

Bemused of the deep deep South (one stop up from Penguinville)


Greetings, Bemused! Thank you for your kind regards...I have caught on that you are from NZ and it's great to have your perspective and humor here. During our recent Geography classes, the kids and I studied your part of the world and found it quite fascinating! The kids loved videos we watched about the Maori and haka and traditional tattoos, plus meat pies (we made some one day, although I'm sure they weren't quite authentic, but the kids loved it!) and pikelets and the amazing scenery used in the making of LOTR and the Hobbit films, etc. etc etc...it really would take a lifetime to get to know everything! For sure, now we want to go visit!

Anyway, would love to explore more about the perspective of non-U.S. members...is there another forum for that or should we create a new one? Let me know!


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 4:26 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:14 am
Posts: 5249
Ah Kiwis, a strange and cheeky breed of people.

Must be the only country who before a sporting contest does a war dance culminating with rolling their eyes and sticking their tongues out (google haka, to see), tends to leave the opposition confused and intimidated.
Wonder how that will go down at the conference in Chicago :lol: .

You don't have meat pies in the U.S.? They're eaten regularly now, although we've recently branched out into such flavours as "Butter Chicken" and "Thai Green Curry" (that will make Raz smile), but no horsemeat like the British. The Australians also eat a lot of pies, our cultures being pretty similar (like Canadians and their friends to the South).

Oh the Lord of the Ring films and the Hobbit, we like to think we are on the cutting edge of movie making with our contributions. Well compared to the Australians we are, as they're claim to fame is "Prissilia Queen of the Desert", about a bus called Prissila who is driven round the desert by dancing transvestites :lol: .

By all means create a new thread, it is good to widen our horizons. Don't worry most Kiwis are quite sane, the jury is still out in my case though.

Gotta go, need to spring clean the house before the Hobbits arrive home.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 6:48 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:22 am
Posts: 263
My boys were absolutely fascinated by haka and Maori weapons! Of course, they think the tongue protrusion is hilarious, but I kept reminding them that it's really not in the context of haka. I can't imagine being faced with a group of Maori warriors in full battle mode! :o

We do have meat pies in the U.S. but are not that common, perhaps, at least not where I'm from. The closest would be something like an Italian Calzone or the chicken potpie?


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 11:56 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 9:01 am
Posts: 443
Did you kiwis see that my late brother-in-law (possom Bourne)was the second person entered into the Australian rally Hall of Fame!


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 5:55 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2012 4:09 am
Posts: 212
I met possum a couple of times and was a fan of his. The whole country was in shock when he died.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 11:05 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:27 pm
Posts: 1
Hello, fellow Mks. Reading the testimonies cuts me deep, knowing such horror happened. And by people who appeared so spiritual. And I find it remarkable that each of you have been so brave and courageous to speak out and share these sensitive memories. I can see that human depravity is so great that there is always a potential for any person to act repugnantly despite apparent spirituality. Each one of your stories is a reminder that we must value accountability, esp. in leadership and on every level of society.

As my username indicates, I am an NTM MK from Guinea, West Africa. I'm a bit younger than most of you and grew up on the field more recently so the NTM culture there may prove to have been a bit different (even aside from the fact that it was a different "field"). My story is a happier story, too. At first I wondered why I would post if I didn't have a testimony of abuse. But I now I think this may offer a little balance to the representation NTM is getting on these forums and I also saw the invitation for all fields to be represented. I realize these forums are for the purpose of bringing the abuse that happened within NTM by NTMers to light, and so the overwhelming emphasis on this negative aspect makes sense. Bring it! But for the few who wonder which NTM fields did not have these Mission School failures, may this post offer a partial response.

The NTM Guinea field hosted and ran an MK boarding school twice during its existence. At first in the early 90s (it closed because of a lack of personnel mid 90s) and later between 2005-2012 (again closing for lack of personnel). Never have I heard of anything below repute being done by anyone involved either time (my older siblings attended the school in the 90s). And my time at the school from 2008-2010 was wonderful. I always felt like we were well taken care of.

The truth is, NTM is learning. During my time at the boarding school I recognized steps the leadership was taking to protect the children, add layers of accountability and see that the children feel freedom to get help if they ever feel mistreated. NTM is learning and all because of you who've been brave enough to speak up loudly and persistently until heard. Thank you. I pray you all will find healing at our Savior's hand and forgiveness for those who've done you terrible wrong. And I pray for the present NTM leadership on every level, as they are now humbling bearing the heat and taking responsibility for what was done in the past as well as making steps to reduce the opportunities for history to be repeated.

Thank you again.
~


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 82 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 9  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group