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MK forum • View topic - Closure

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 Post subject: Closure
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:46 am 
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Posts: 7
When I first found this forum, I would stare at it for hours reading all the stories and sharing a little bit of mine. I haven't been on the forum in a couple of months, and didn't even realize it until someone sent me a private message about one of my previous posts.
I started thinking about WHY I haven't been reading the forum as much....and I realized that it is because I have finally had a little bit of closure in my life on this subject. Before I found the forum, this was still somewhat of a "taboo" subject, and difficult to talk about. Once I found this website, it opened up a lot of conversation between me and my family, and with a former dorm sister. Just being able to talk about this, and to read of other's experiences has done a lot for me. I didn't even realize it until a recent brief conversation with someone I don't even know....I am not afraid anymore. I even told them that I would welcome running into the perpetrator because at this point in my adult life, I would have no problem telling him exactly what I think of what happened to me as an MK all those years ago, and how it was handled. (Or ignored)

Don't get me wrong, there is still anger and questions that may never be resolved. But the fear is gone! I am not embarrassed or afraid to discuss this subject anymore. I don't know if my situation will ever be "investigated" or not, and I am okay with that. I hope that any of you will also get a little bit of closure and/or peace like I did, simply from knowing I wasn't the only one.


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 Post subject: Re: Closure
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:58 am 
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Joined: Thu Sep 16, 2010 11:06 am
Posts: 223
I guess that is the major point of this forum- a place to share, to find understanding, validation, and yes, closure of some sort. Whether the investigations result in any major changes or not, the healing has begun, and that is not anything small in the life of an MK!

Good for you, 33OUCH. Keep pressing on!

H-n-H


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 Post subject: Re: Closure
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 12:40 pm 
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Posts: 7
I guess the one bit that bothers me the most is somewhat trivial, but I am hoping that someone can give me an answer.

For whatever reason, I really want to know how far any report actually made it of what happened to me. In other words, I know the field committee and many on the field knew about what happened to me. But did it make it out of the country? Was a file created on the situation, for example: in Sanford? Or did it stop on a field committee level?
I guess my brain wants to know, partially to know where the communication breakdown happened, and partially because I still need to know who to forgive. I am still in communication with many who were on the field at the time, but there are certain others I can't bring myself to be friendly with simply because I still hold them accountable in my mind in some way.

So is there a file somewhere? Do you have to be the actual former NTM member to find out about it, such as my parents? Or is that information pretty much lost forever? I guess I don't necessarily think an investigation needs to be opened, I just have simple lingering questions. Any thoughts?


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 Post subject: Re: Closure
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:08 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 11:27 pm
Posts: 5156
That is a really good question, 33ouch, and I hope you can find your answer.

I am only guessing, but my guess is that how far up the chain the information about child abuse and molestation went would depend on several factors.

In many cases, I am guessing that the field committee members who received reports of abuse would have minimized the seriousness of this in their minds. (Once again this brings up my oft-stated opinion that one of the reasons for this minimization was that ALL field committees consisted of ONLY men.) If they thought the issue was not a big deal, they probably never sent any information about it to Sanford.

One way you would know how serious they thought it was would be to ask, what was the consequence to the offender? Was the molester or abuser removed from the field and dismissed from NTM? If so, then the Executive Committee would have probably received a full report. Being dismissed from the mission was a pretty big deal, and the EC did keep close track of their attrition rates and reasons.

If there were minimal consequences to the offender: just a slap on the wrist, or acceptance of his denial of the accusations, or a slight change in ministry or location, then it is possible that the matter was kept under wraps and only the field committee members knew about it.

One of the sins of the past which I believe New Tribes Mission needs to repent for is that in far too many cases they were overly sympathetic with their members who committed some vague "indiscretion". They were far too lenient, because they didn't want to lose people from "the work". They did not call sin SIN. Hurting an innocent, trusting child or adolescent in any way: sexually, physically, emotionally or spiritually, is not a small matter to be overlooked.

And sadly, it often was.

Your question is not trivial. Not at all. You should be able to ask for the answer you need, and it should be given to you.

May I suggest you contact Tibby Westcott or Andy Kline, and tell them you need to know this information. I think you will find them helpful.

tibby_westcott@ntm.org
andy_kline@ntm.org


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 Post subject: Re: Closure
PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:24 am 
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 Post subject: Re: Closure
PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 4:32 am 
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