MK forum

Iwillflyagain, you are most welcome here. No one ever needs to apologize for not being an MK, or not being an MK who was abused as much as another MK in another place or time.

Many of us are still processing the effects our life in NTM had on us and on our children. The NTM world was very bizarre, and that fact is clarifying more to me with each passing year.

We want this to be a safe place for all to read, think, question, and share ... when you choose ... as little or as much as you are comfortable with.

Raz, thankyou.
But, do you ever wonder how to start? Every time I try to talk about this stuff, I feel like I am walking backwards. Since I have left NTM, I have barely been able to crawl at times, and if I am seen walking, it is a caveman walk and a very slow one at that.
It has been over 10 years since I have left the mission. I was broken, confused, used,manipulated, lied to, brainwashed, programmed, and then dismissed with no regard to the after affects of those past 8 years. Just one more guinea pig for them to play with and pitch after they found out that I might bite as a result of their offenses towards me. But then it has taken me this long to be able to say especially to myself that it was THEM that had the problem. Sure, I was young and naïve and vulnerable as I entered their training in 1984. But what kind of place would take a young heart full of a promising future, or so I thought, and demolish it with no emotion? NTM, that's who!!! I am angry beyond my words!!! I am angry! I am sad! I am confused!, I am broken!, .....and now I am crawling and never really know if I will truly walk again. My literal dreams show me flying on the back of an eagle in the middle of a fierce thunderstorm and all the while not being afraid. I guess the thunderstorm portrays life on earth and the eagle portrays Christ carrying me through it. In my dream I felt safe as could be. This should be my reality as I walk with Jesus, but it is taking me a good long while to get to where I truly believe this. And you know? I'm finding out that God is being very gently and patient with me as I heal. He knows my pain and he is loving me through every ounce of it. I'm starting to get it. He loves me and his love has nothing at all to do with NTM.

To YOU NTM,
I wish to make you disappear from my memory. I have things in my past that mentally I have blocked and cannot remember and am glad about it, but unfortunately, you are not one of them. I wish you were. The impression you left on my soul has been too deep. I am glad to say that NOW (through some help from TRUE friends, not including YOU NTM), I am aware that God is separate from religion. It is only NOW that I am learning the true definition of Gods love to me. It has no resemblance whatsoever to NTM.
Do YOU NTM, know how long it has taken me to even get to this point where I am not mad at God for what has happened to me?
Do YOU NTM, or will you ever take the blame, step up and admit to your failures, then step down from your sickly throne? You were wrong in so many ways. The pain you have caused is beyond words, numbers or comprehension. I am a sinner, at least I admit that. You only hide behind your sins. What is your problem?? Man up and come forward with the truth. As I said before, I am extremely angry for what you have done to me and all the others that hurt for having been a victim of your many kinds of abuse.

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Written by Iwillflyagain!

Yes welcome Iwillflyagain. As my "name" tells you it was 22 years ago that I had the misfortune of hooking up with NTM. Only for a few years but wow the effects have been long reaching (not helped by a couple of other negative interactions with another mission group and a history of involvement in things fundamentalist). I have done some re-wiring of my mind and the way I think about myself, the world and the whole God thing. My re-wiring was obviously not a very professional job as I keep having to go back and do patch up jobs. For me this site helps with the patch ups.

Bemused is right (fancy that). Everyone's musings and thoughts are welcome. We know current NTMers read this site and actually sometimes that puts me off - but just maybe it will make them think of the whole sordid mess that is NTM. I don't think that organisation can be fixed. Too late. Sure there are flashes of hope now and again - like when Brian Shortmeier wrote his letter a wee while back. But no, look at all the damage and sin and cover up and abuse (of all kinds) and lying and destroying of evidence and callousness and hurt. It goes on and on and they just don't seem to get it.

Your story is important Iwillfly again. Thanks for starting to tell it.

To NTM: You stole the best years of my life. You used me, you used my talent as an artist to supposedly portray God's love. Years after I left the mission, I asked for one of my paintings to be returned to me because I knew for a fact that once published, they were put in drawers to draw dust. As a young artist, I felt proud of my work and wanted to be at least one person who would continue to enjoy the gift God had given to me. I was told that paintings were Mission property and that I could not even buy it back. When someone in leadership went to the headquarters to see if they could find it for me and possibly allow me to have it, I was told by them that no where could any of the paintings that were used in past publications be found. Well, what do you know??? That's interesting...........Mission property and NOWHERE to be found. You got anything to say about that NTM? More lies? Doesn't even surprise me. How sad!! So, now some of you may know who I am. I really don't care. I have more stories to tell. More names to expose if I choose, but for now, this all I choose to share. This is plenty. I can only take so much at a time. NTM, you make me sick....just being honest.

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Written by Iwillflyagain!

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Written by Iwillflyagain!

At New Tribes Bible School we studied an entire course called "Ethics".

Why does it feel like that concept got lost, somewhere along the line?

Terrible.

Precisely!!!

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Written by Iwillflyagain!