MK forum

I weep tonight for so much....for my pain from having to choose to not have contact with my daughter who chose a stepmother she doesn't truly like to deliver my grandchild while I was told to stay away and I can come whn baby is born but never hearing until four hours after delivery with another promise to meet my grandchild and see my oen baby but never hearing only to see a friend post to fb a pic of her holding baby in real time and not even getting A pic of baby having to have my mother Go to fb and send me the. Pic from daughters fb. Weeping over a boyfriend I am finally in a week tell me I deserve this for dumping him. Oh. Lord the panic is stirring and all the pains brewing. No. Stop Heather. Oh no too late. Now I am 10 again. Scared, scared, trapped....10 again as I run even when he threatens to destroy me my things and my life. 10 again and driving......stop. pray. Call my real mom.....my sister. We sit weeping together. In tue baseball park over all. Panama, she slowly recalls more. Validates more nightmares. Oh God no please no. My sister has the very same nightmares I have had. Oh Lord it is so dark. Four babies.....don't touch us. Oh God I can't endure anymore.
Lord protect me, carry me no cradle me now. Oh Lord NO NO not my babies...oh no oh no. Yes. My baby my angel my youngest. I can't feel my legs. I can't feel. I am watching me from above. Lord take me. I can't feel. I cut and I finally feel and no longer a. Watching me from above. I am left to a heartbeat outside my body it is so fast and l oud. Smoke so the pain in chest calms. Lord PLEASE help me. Please remove me from my worlds of abuse and land me safe. Lord dirrct mr to truth for my daughter and remove her from her father to my safe arms. Bring justice to my ex. I weep....And. weep. Lord prepare me, shelter me, the strength of an army and the soul to survive. Protect my sister. Lord release the demon that has devoured a family and generations. Oh and Lord help me stop my trucker mouth...it is not attractive or classy...
My prayers are my belief . My relationship with God my religion and my tears my faith.

IT IS STILL SNOWING

Enough I say! Bring on SPRING!

(and yes, it hurts to know one's parent (S) do not care.)

Just hurting for all. Sure nothing will change. How to go on? But you do. Dragging the baggage that should not be. Time has worn a hole in the bag. Some hurt leaks out and left behind. Yes things change but not enough. Innocent childhood is gone. It never was. Longing for what never was. Still trudging happy for other for company.

mk chame, don't give up!
It does sound like SUCH a weight.
Hope does not add to the weight.
So don't leave that somewhere along the way.
Friends carry some for you.
Did you talk to Maire?
Don't skip Chicago!!!

Congratulations on being the youngest Grandma I know!
NOT the scene you expected or wanted......
But, another little life...
Take heart.

I feel a little peace this morning and see light in new beginnings for my daughter and out of pain a sister back with me giving me family. Today I rest my soul and my heart.....and yes a phone call coming. After checking with new provider for international call package and price!!!! And a trip to Chicago to plan and look forward to for many reasons and a regained focus on my goals.

Love to All

Things always look better in the light!