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The pedophiles and incesters I have known in NTM (and God help us, I have known far too many) all came across as super-spiritual saints who had it all together. The "fruit inspectors" who now pray for our destruction would have happily passed each of these men with flying colors. The had their devotions piously, shared in chapel, sang the Songs of Challenge and wrote stirring prayer letters. They all "had a ministry" that was applauded by NTM and no one around them questioned whether they were "walking with the Lord".
Yet behind closed doors, in the darkness, they were demonically evil monsters who had convinced themselves that the bodies of small children were expendable commodities to be devoured for their own momentary pleasure.
My circle of acquaintances is now peopled with deeply wounded adults who were victims of those impressive men of NTM. These adults function at varying degrees of stability mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Some, by God's grace, appear to be doing quite well, considering the destructive horrors they endured. Others carry scars so deep that I can see pain reflected in their eyes, face and body. Haunted by memories they cannot escape, some are so affected they are mentally unstable or ill. Some are wracked by physical maladies that cannot seem to be cured. Some spend much of their time longing for death as the only way to escape their mental and physical torture. Many have made attempts to cross over to dreamless death, but God, for his own reasons, has kept them here to endure further agony. Some He has allowed to come home to Him, where they are finally free from the damage wreaked by their "walking with the Lord" perpetrator who never expressed true remorse or sincerely begged forgiveness.
My heart is broken in little pieces. Sometimes I feel I will never be whole again. This pain has crushed me.
And I am angry. So very angry at the sanctimonious Tribers who have the gall to dismiss everything we have to say, every plea we have made. Their mission is more important than their children. Their image matters more than the souls of the wounded MKs from every decade since the mission began. Their financial security takes priority over the truth.
Someday ... someday the Almighty God will call you before His judgment to ask you how you could care so much about the salvation of tribal people and so little about the redemption and restoration of the collateral damage of your organization -- your own wounded children, the most precious gift He ever entrusted to your care.
And my tears fall once again. Sackcloth and ashes. I repent.
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