MK forum

Raz are you SURE that you want ntm involved in who marries who???

I'm starting to feel like someone doesn't want me to post! This is my third attempt at submitting. Now all of my positive, caring and loving thoughts are gone for a second time and I can't put them all back together the way they were originally written. Please know that as a wife, aunt and sister-in-law of MKs I never tire of hearing what's going on inside them. I didn't grow up in a home where Christ was taught, much less knowing any missionaries, so stepping into this family was miles away from my own. I was the only in-law who didn't attend a christian college, seminary or church. Thank goodness for MKs!!! My "lost" husband was willing to step out of some of the rules and standards put upon MKs and take a leap of faith that this new Christian with a crazy childhood might be able to be just a crazy as himself. And that's how we have lived most of our married lives, knowing that no matter what, we can never one-up the other. I can never fully understand what he lived through but I love what he has become even with all of the baggage. I love when he runs into Brazilians and falls into a comfortable conversation. He suddenly becomes a Brazilian! or when he hangs around his MK friends and you just know he is home. I don't love when he is burdened with aging parents on the field, or when he has to say good-bye for the hundred thousandth time and when, as this often occurs, only one of his family members or none attend our children's birthday parties. And there's no moving back home. He's stuck in this small town with interesting in-laws and has an anchor as a wife. I hate flying and well, there's no going to Brazil in a car. We have though, set aside time and finances for him to travel. I cannot expect him to stay tied to our town for me when there is a whole world for him to feel at home in. I do know that he is also home with us and I have learned to love both worlds.

For those that may be confused by my post let me explain:

I am the wife of ViaWings and I am not an MK. ViaWings brought it to my attention that this thread was started and that's when I posted on his account a few days ago. I have my own account and began a thread months ago regarding spouses. I'm glad to see the interest is still there/here. I'll keep checking in.

Supporting

So a thread WAS started! I didn't see it. And you are Supporting, wife of ViaWings. I understood that ViaWings is an MK and you wrote on his behalf but I didn't know you were Supporting. Starting to sound like who's on first!

Your, Supporting's, last post was very touching and encouraging. Thank you for sharing.

It has existed for year:s New Brides Institute.

Yes, Jerry, I didn't want to bring up the negatives of this phenomena. (New Brides)
Only saying that it is there.

Wow, that sounds very painful. It sounds like your husband really needs to process all this with someone. I will pray that he will be open to getting some help. I am so sorry he is turning all his rage on you. Totally unfair and wrong, but if he is in denial, he doesn't see what his pattern is.
I hope you are getting the help you need. Thanks for sharing your heart with us, and I will be praying for you. Please let us know how things are going!

Shadowspring I think that no one on this forum will vilify you for divorcing this abusive liar. You are absolutely correct. You have to take care of yourself and the only way to do this is to get rid of this burden you have been living with for all these years. Praying that God will give you grace, peace, love and guidance as you begin your healing journey.

Shadowspring,,,you are supported here. We hope and pray that we can be an encouragement to you as you train and prepare yourself for what lies ahead. No condemnation coming from this direction.

Oh, Shadowspring, I hurt so much for you! I was married for 20 years to a man who was in denial about everything: his depression, his anger and resentment issues, his inability to give me or anyone else genuine affirmation because he disliked himself so much .... it was really terrible, and if he had ever kept a personal journal, I imagine it would have had entries similar to your husband's.
An amazing miracle happened. My husband was talked into taking an antidepressant (for his stomach problems, Dr Theobald said ... of COURSE he wouldn't have admitted back then that he was chronically clinically depressed and needed help!).
There have been a series of deep and profound changes in the man I married ... to the point that he seems like a totally different person to me. This year we celebrate our 40th anniversary, and are very happy and content together.
I so wish your husband could see that life and relationships could be soooo much better for him if he would reach out for help.
If he is unable and unwilling to do that, then you must not continue to enable him to be an abuser. You are doing the right thing, finding your own voice, and your own strength. Planning for the future, getting an education, being creative in thinking about how you are going to provide for yourself.
I wish I could manufacture a happy ending for you and your marriage ... a happily ever after solution. But I can't, and neither can you.
So I add my support to the others who have posted. We love you and are so sorry you are married to a deeply wounded MK who doesn't understand himself and his woundedness. It is heartbreaking. But I think it's good that you got a glimpse into his inner torment, and that you are taking steps of strength and progress for yourself.
Whatever the future holds, we are here for you. Please stay in touch. We all care about you and your safety and sanity.

Wow, life is so hard sometimes ... I am just hurting for you today .... big sigh ....