MK forum

My abuser was my uncle and I don't like to call him that even now. I avoid it when possible. That word "uncle" is now tainted to me. It doesn't speak of someone who loves you unconditionally, protects you, and looks out for your best interests. Now it is someone who is a bully, manipulative, decietful and conniving.

I've been talking to Tibby Westcott to try to understand some things on this thread that weren't making sense to me. If you'll allow me to explain to the information she passed on to me...
NTM will cover the cost of any abuse whether sexual, physical, or emotional. In order to do this though, cpc needs to hear your story. They do not desire to victimize you over and over again but rather they need to document your story in order to investigate further. They need to know who the abuser was? Who else may have been involved in the abuse? Were there other victims? It's not about not believing the victim but rather about doing a thorough investigation so that things will be handled properly. Also, it's a third party, not NTM that will be investigating further. They would not need to know exact details of the abuse if you aren't comfortable sharing this yet, but they do need to know a time frame, who the offender was, what location (country, school, etc), if there were other victims, age of the victim, and if anyone else knew about the abuse. I hope this helps.

You heard that "it's a third party, not NTM that will be investigating further". Its important to clarifying who the third party is. Are the investigators from other mission agencies? If so there is a strong possibility of a conflict of interest. Do they have a vested interest in missions, so would have a loyalty that would keep them from following an investigation through to whoever might be implicated? Do they have credentials that would be recognized by State and Provincial law enforcement and courts?

We all need to ask these questions when told by our missions and denominations that the investigations are being done independently.

I don't know how to start a new topic, so I guess I'll just post this question here.

How did the mission/your parents shut you down when you tried to talk about anything negative, MKs?

Did they just let your words fall to the ground and then change the subject?

Did they bring out their arsenal of scripture to show you why you were actually the problem instead of your abuser? (Forgive, obey, don't speak evil, etc.)

Or were you so disheartened by the fact that they SENT you to boarding school, already fully weighed down with all the scriptural reasons this was God's will for your life/family? Did the scripture prep for making boarding school seem like a positive and unavoidable situation also make it impossible for you to ever tell how you really felt about what it was really like?

Or did your abusers threats silence you? Did they threaten further abuse against you or a sibling if you talked?

Or was it their automatic esteem as adults and missionaries compared to your lowly status as a child that kept you compliant, i.e., did you instinctively know (or at least be convinced in your heart that) no one would believe you? If it was your word against uncles, did you already have good reason to believe he would win in the court of the mission/your family's support?

This is a very good subject to explore, shadowspring.
You can copy it and paste it on a new thread, which you start by clicking on the "New Topic" button, and then giving your new thread a title.

Those are exellent questions, shadowspring

I hope you do start the new thread, shadowspring.
It would be a good one.

Back to Collusion:

Someone has sent in some other questions for Pat---
Not being an MK, I am not writing to her.
Maybe some of you have already asked these and have answers???

"My suggestion is to ask for the specific criteria used for choosing the schools which are given priority in investigations.

Did they ever respond with information about what kind of track record people on the investigating team had in dealing with abuse in their own denominations?"

Does anyone have answers yet of any kind? Your questions should be promptly and happily answered. Not to mention openly and honestly. Why not?

Thanks, Raz. Done.

Fantastic post on the GRACE blog.

http://netgrace.org/2012/01/the-difference-between-collusion-and-empathy/

That is excellent! Thanks for sharing it, threewillows, and I hope everyone will read it! Including anyone who is still within NTM: "The Family".