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Interesting that you think being a child of dorm parents makes that much of a difference, Jerry. Did you not see repeatedly that God loves the tribes more than the children? Did you not get the message that God was in charge of separating all these children from their families, that it was all God's design and God's demand? Cause I am guessing that you heard it as often as any other child.
Did you never hear an adult tell a child not to complain or be angry about the abandonment, because the tribe would go to hell if the parents were to leave the work to care for their children? My guess is that you heard and saw it all, and likely perceived it in your child mind as the unconscious threat to your own situation that it was- God could call your parents out to the tribe, too. Then where would you be? Better be a good boy and keep God happy with the current situation or who knows what could happen?
Hearing that you were never exiled personally and so should have known better makes me think of my own abusive childhood (wounded people are attracted to one another, so no surprise I married an MK) and my favored sisters. They were never exiled; they received all the love and closeness from my mom that my twin and I were denied. As a result, they are closely bonded with my abuser, and would abuse my twin and I in her absence, and still do emotionally/socially every chance they get. Of course, as grown adults my twin and I have very little to do with them, so their rejection and slander doesn't affect us much anymore.
This is no picnic for them. They live and die by our mom's approval. She is just as cruel to them in more subtle ways, plus I know that somewhere deep in their subconscious they have to know that it is only the luck of timing of birth and being born a single that differentiates us from them. Surely part of the reason they have nothing to do with my twin and I is the suvivor's guilt that they can only successfully suppress when they are not around us physically.
The fact that you are on this forum speaks volumes to me of your good heart, Jerry Bartlett, and I wish you well on your healing journey. The cruelty or lack of empathy you learned to have toward the dorm kids is not your fault. You were a kid born into that system, and that is the environment that shaped you. While you have a different set of issues to face in your healing journey, there is no way you could have "known better" than what you were being modeled and taught.
So don't be harder on yourself that reality warrants.
Where reality warrants apologies, may you have the courage and opportunity to make them directly to the people involved. But don't feel generally guilty for not being a child of field missionaries. It's not like you were in charge of who was assigned where in the mission. You were just a kid too.
((JB, son of staffers))
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