I read this article today, and immediately applied this to the question that plagues me: why do many MKs who suffered abandonment, neglect and abuse seem to have no "fight" in them? Why do they seem so quick to back away from efforts to seek justice ... even when there are people standing by, ready to give them support?
As young parents, my husband and I eagerly sat through the whole video series by James Dobson, who would impart to us his great Biblical wisdom, so that we could effectively train our children to be perfect little models of Christian submissiveness. His key message still rings in my ears: "Break their will, but not their spirit." Yes, it was our job, our God-given obligation, to break our children's wills, and he taught us how to do that.
Never did I ask myself what the long-term consequences of this terrible teaching would be. But I see it now.
For too many Christians, children are seen as insurgents or resistance fighters who need to be soundly defeated in order to become happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults. For some reason we don’t believe it’s enough to teach our children how to make good choices and to hold them accountable when they make poor choices. Instead, we think the key is defeating the unseen fight inside of them.
For parents who attempt to break their child’s will, the worst thing that can happen is success. I’ve seen it– children who are so totally defeated and so demoralized, they lose that spark inside of them. Yes, they might be kind, polite, and compliant, but inside they have become programmed robots, group-thinkers, and line-walkers, instead of unique creations of God.
You see, success in defeating your child’s will creates an easy child to parent– but it will also create an adult who is easy to manipulate, abuse, and control.
Creating a child who has no will to question authority, creates an adult who will be abused and oppressed by those in authority.
Creating a child who has no will to self-direct, is to create an adult who might be easily directed by others.
Creating a child who has no will to challenge, and never objects to real or perceived injustice against them, is to create an adult who won’t do that, either.http://www.patheos.com/blogs/formerlyfu ... heir-will/