MK forum

Jerry I've thought of your statement so many times over the last day; it speaks volumes and I hope you have found joy even so.

I've continued read through some of these forums and am profoundly saddened at the extent of hurt here. I didn't mean for this thread to be all about me and my spouse--I truly thought that such a large group of MKs could reach out and find solidarity in this area of marriage--but since so few are responding I feel that it's beginning to look like my own personal therapy page! That's not what I intended as I believe true, cellular level healing comes from God and happens between God and the individual. Perhaps I was mistaken to begin it at all; but I think not since it has been helpful.

My prayers continue for all my fellow MKs who have been hurt, for the leadership of NTM, as well as for the godly missionaries who still work. Paul Fleming would be rolling in his grave and doubtless God is more heartbroken than any of us. And saddest of all, Satan rejoices as people are broken and souls go to Hell. For those who have "rejected Him because He first rejected you", I've been in that place too.

[quote="M.A.R.S."]II thought maybe a list of statements and questions would be the easiest way to find out if others feel the same way: So, do you ever say or feel:

1) My spouse will leave me; (s)he can't possibly love me. Others who did love me left me.
Well...I am newly divorced over the third affair my spouse had...so I might have been right?
2) My spouse has no idea who I really am.
See #1...
3) I can never bridge the gulf between me and my spouse, (s)he can never really understand me and it's my fault.
I always used to joke that I didn't fit in anywhere but in a room full of other MKs...didn't fit in where we lived overseas and definitely didn't fit in when we came back to America!
4) Do you feel horrified at the thought of leaving your child in the church nursery?
I can't leave my children ANYWHERE without having to battle back panic and confront lies. And then sometimes I decide it's not worth the risk. (yes I homeschooled my children for the first four years and the only reason I'm not now is because I have to go back to school so I can feed them!)
5) Do you look at every person in two ways: (s)he is innocent and godly; (s)he is hiding a pedophelia bent and will molest my child while I'm away.
Thank you so much for voicing this. I always feel so guilty thinking those things about people and wonder what's wrong with me that I think EVERYONE is evil!
6)The idea of your child going to school terrifies you even though he comes home every single day....homeschool...
7) Every time you discipline your child you feel that you have abused him, even though you have never bruised him or screamed at him.
Never really sure I'm hitting the balance of not abusing while still disciplining. I usually err on the side of not disciplining, which is probably not doing my kids any favors.
8) Every time you hear a child cry you are wrenched with horrible fear and pain that the child is being beaten/molested....and call the police
9) If I could only forget everything in the past, good or bad, I could be the person my spouse needs me to be. I tried so hard to do it too....
10) If my spouse could only know truly what it was like, I would feel more safe in my marriage.
11) I will pass all my insecurities to my children and they'll hate me just like I hated my parents.I don't hate my parents, but I definitely feel like I have done a good job of passing on my insecurities, without even realizing I was doing it. Thank the Lord for an amazing counselor who's helping me see truth!
12) My children are doomed because I just can't get it together.I am thankful for the hope I have in the Lord that He can do great things in them. I'm so proud of the people they are becoming in spite of their mother!! At least they will have DIFFERENT things to talk about in therapy when they are older LOL
13) My children deserve a different parent than me.Yep, I've definitely thought that...but I wonder if maybe every parent does?
14) My spouse just doesn't care. (Even though (s)he listens endlessly and prays and offers to help in anyway (s)he can.)My spouse didn't seem to care and ridiculed my fears.
15) You used to scoff at those who had a hard time sending their children to camp for one measly week; now you know you'd almost rather have your arm ripped off then let your child go away for one measly week.I finally sent my kids to camp for a week last year, and just about had a panic attack, even though they came home every afternoon. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, and one of the best things I ever did for them.

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Good list...Thanks for putting into words so many fears. I think there are a lot of people dealing with these issues. It took me way too long to recognize the lies I believed since I was a child. The difficult journey this last year has been has begun what I think is finally real, true healing as I learn to trust God in a way I never knew I could. I'm so thankful for the hope of Heaven, and that I am safe in His arms, here on Earth.

Ditto Sherpa. Praying that God will give you grace and peace during this time of stress.

Not much joy yet Mars, but certainly mercy grace and peace from God. Some great joy from all the healing happening here.

David frequently states that God is good. I think that I miss out on many blessings from God because I don`t really understand His goodness. Lots to learn!

Zephania thank you for answering. My heart breaks for you. We are not crazy.I haven't suffered the betrayal you've suffered as adult. May God gather you up and comfort you in these very dark days. Divorce: a fate worse than death because it confirms all your worst fears, or so it seems. May God's Truth shine through and refute all those lies.

Jerry, how fitting Zephania's verse is to our conversation within this thread---The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

This is off topic, but somewhere there is a list of reasons people don't speak out and I want to respond to it, but I can't find it again. I think there were nine reasons, maybe written by Gene Long. Can someone direct me?

M.A.R.S., I've been away for a while, so let me give you a belated welcome! These forums have become a warm family to me: a place of growth and healing as we learn from each other and lean on each other.
I have refreshed "the list" for you, under "MKs: Now is the Time".
I am an adult MK and also the parent of four MKs. I did not marry an MK, and for 40 years have felt like my husband doesn't always "get" me. It did help that together we spent 19 years on a mission field, but I know there are still parts of my MK-ness that he doesn't embrace.
Of my four children, only the oldest married a fellow MK. I see a rhythm in their relationship that I envy. I feel it is a big advantage when MKs fall in love and marry each other, but of course life happens, and match-ups don't always go that direction. I observe that two of my children exist in out-of-synch marriages and it does make me sad. They are managing, but they are not flourishing.

Maybe NTM could establish a new department: MKmatch.com.

We missed you Raz! Hope you had a wonderful time.