MK forum

Kari-Here is my concern: Just because your mind assumes the conclusion that all men have the same propensities does not make this assumption correct. I have passed along your sight to literally hundreds of people and it concerns me that a passerby would read such a statement. Do not let your desire for answers be an appropriate reasoning for stating such a generalizing comment (especially in the comments section). I fully understand that you posted it because you want to promote discussion and get answers. A comment such as this sadly however this will not provoke the hearts of these men to defend and explain their actions like you and I would like it to. It instead it turns people off and makes you lose your credibility and that is seriously the last thing I want to happen to the Fanda Eagles.

I would agree with Mrs.M and add that for men to speak up on this forum would mean that they may have to deal with their own sexual experiences that may have been painful, shameful, etc.... I needed to. I would think that is a huge barrier to men stepping up. In working in the counseling field I was amazed to learn some statistics regarding the general population, that 1 in 4 kids is abused. That is what drove me to start programs where we put therapists public schools...
Keep calling us men up...we are here, and we are listening. And this forum is helping us to find our voices too!!

I'd like to make a disclaimer, as I was rushed and distracted while posting and becuase I don't like anyone to think anything bad of me ...

I don't mean to imply that I think that all men who are *not* responding here or stepping forward to help lead in this area of sexual abuse within NTM are covering up immorality or sexual sins in their own lives. I was speaking to what Kari said about leadership talking about sex like it's a hideous evil and yet allowing a molester to go free and that vein of thought.

I don't have any idea why more men aren't coming forth here. I know my own husband wouldn't be on any forum, simply because his typing skills are severely lacking and his knowledge of computers isn't much further ahead. He is behind you all 100% though, and that gives *me* the courage and desire to keep on here at this forum and to help in any way I can.

Good discussion, guys!

Bob, perhaps it is a question of reading comprehension. I do not think all men have these same propensities. Please show me where I said that, because if I did it needs to be corrected. I have never thought that to be true. What I am trying to understand is this, when men in places of leadership or who are involved somehow in the disclosure of child sexual abuse are silent on the issue concerning one of their own, they are making a statement. The statement either is, child abuse is abhorrent, or child abuse is not that big of a deal. When you are not protecting the child but protecting the abuser, you are making a statement that what happened to that child isn't that wrong, out of the ordinary, or that big of a deal. Yes I believe to draw the thought out to its logical end in not abhorring the abuse you are effectively condoning the abuse.

Are some men not speaking out of fear, or because they do not know what to say? Of course. But what is at the heart of that fear? What is at the heart of not knowing what to say or being fearful to strongly condemn a child being used for a grown man's lustful desires?

Then you have the angry responses of church leaders demanding the abused not ruin the man in question's ministry.

You can either say the sexual abuse of children is abhorrent and should not be accepted, or you can say overtly or implicitly that it really isn't that big of a deal. Can you be silent towards the child who disclosed, and also give the impression that you believe that child sexual abuse is unacceptable and abhorrent?

And a disclaimer again, I am simply a girl who was abused and shown by my mission leadership that it really wasn't all that bad what happened to me. I am not an expert, and do not claim to be. And I am just trying to understand this silence. It blows my mind.

What I am calling 'propensities' is the something in the heart of a man that can not strongly exclaim, that is abhorrent! I am not even saying that they would necessarily ever abuse or think of children sexually. But there is a propensity to understand the abuse, and therefore not condemn it.

‘i just assume they have the same propensities, or don’t think it’s really all that bad to touch little kids with lust. i can’t explain the deafening silence any other way.’......

I'm assuming that you are retracting that statement by removing your original post from the blog page?

One simple reason for lack of male leadership can be traced back to Adam. As a consequence of disobeying God, Adam wilted under God’s questioning, blaming and deferring to his wife, Eve. As the result, all men walk in his shoes. Since that time it is a fight to reclaim our biblical manhood, daily choosing to triumph over passivity, our natural tendency. Genuinely Spirit-led men recognize their inclination towards passivity and choose to rub shoulders with other godly men, to mutually sharpen themselves. Others, sadly, never regain their manhood, choosing instead to hid behind titles, position, or other masks. Many will abuse their authority (and others!) because they have never dealt with their core of passivity.

Book suggestions: Biblical Manhood & Womanhood by John Piper
Wild at Heart by Jon Eldredge


For those men who recognize their tendency towards passivity, they seek out other men with whom they can mutually sharpen iron. For others, they will never reclaim their rightful position as they cower behind titles, “spiritual leadership”, or blinded by mission, while forgetful of the Heart behind the mission.

Pray for all of us to recognize our God-given responsibility to lead. Pray for those who recognize their tendencies to be passive, that we would continually fight against our natural inclinations to be the warrior-men our families need for us to be. Pray for we single men to continually bathe in mentor-mentee like relationships that force us to choose the harder road, that of engagement.

My heart aches for those who need their men to be MEN. It is not impossible, for with Christ all things are possible. Just recognize, the lack of silence could be for many reasons, but the root cause stretches back to our forefather, Adam.

The issues behind why adults offend against minors are varied and complex, and potentially and probably touch on upon every value that makes a man a man and a woman a woman. And since in the marriage institution, God made man "51 per cent" responsible for any failure, we as men cannot and dare not minimize our responsibility. But every case has its own merits, and the "issues" on this site, let along the cases, seem to involve so many issues that men perhaps have never yet talked about among their closest friends, let along their spiritual mentors. Leadership in the home, in private, in public, in public roles, in secular roles, in spiritual roles. Not many men out their have leadership in roles equivalent to the roles of the accused on this site. "he that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and a shame unto him" prov 18.13

51%?

Too bad there's no "like" button on this forum!

Just say "Like!" until we get one.

It will encourage people. And give an opportunity to be heard without having to write a book.

But keep the 'books' coming, all who can do it. There are some really good thoughts and suggestions and discussions going on.