MK forum

That's been one of the hardest things for me . . .when I met my husband he had been to South Africa, England, and Israel. We had so much to talk about. But within a few years he got really comfortable in staying home, and we haven't travelled outside the US. I did take my daughter to Brazil and Spain -- it helped, but was hard on the marriage. Sometimes I feel so trapped.

((Allbetter))

Thanks for posting this. This explains why my husband likes so much to travel. He is taking me to an intl soccer game in a few weeks. I realize how special that is to him, and I wouldn't miss it for the world because of that.

How about grief as a soul wound? Unexpressed . . .usually for fear of upsetting somebody else, fear of appearing weak, fear of starting a cascade that will lead to lack of control . . .when was your first traumatic good-bye?

Allbetter, you hit the nail on the head. Wow, those words could come out of my mouth. Never goes away, does it?

I'm not feeling like flying much recently. The wings are tired, wet, heavy. I'd rather just sit and cry. I'm Ok though, I think. My crying is good, it's healing, it's cleansing, it's release. I cry for me. I cry for you. But most important, I just cry. And I am not alone - He cries with me too.

Yeah. VT, many tears out here for the suffering. Me and my fellow survivors;.

I resonate with grief being a soul wound. For a long time I never cried. Then when the tears came, they wouldn't stop. For several years I could not walk down the nursery/children's wing at church without crying as I listened to all those precious little ones cry for their parents. I would be overwhelmed with anger and grief. Anger at the things that were said to parents by well-meaning nursery workers, "He'll be fine. You need a break. Sneak away while she's distracted." Grief - why are people so reluctant to acknowledge grief with a child? Why is distraction the tool, rather than validating the pain of separation? Why put little ones through so much anguish at church, of all places? We decided that our kids could stay with us until they decided that they were ready for the separation. Maybe an overreaction due to my own pain, but I don't regret it.

My first traumatic goodbye:

My parents were the first boarding school parents when the Aritao School opened. They were supposed to be teachers, but at the last minute there were too many teachers, and no dorm parents (at least, that's my recollection). I was in 2nd grade. At the semester they were given a new assignment and were sent to language school 7 hours south. They actually gave me the choice of staying in Aritao or going with them. I chose to stay. Somehow, it was a more elevated position to be one of the "real" dorm kids. I didn't even go down to the bottom of the hill to wait for the bus with them. I stood in my room looking out the window at the road below holding my goodbye present from my parents. I wasn't going to open it until they got on the bus. I heard the bus come around the corner and slow down. Could sort of see it through the trees. Then watched the bus pull away and go up the road. As soon as I couldn't see it any more, I opened my present . . . and cried. I cried every night with my face in my pillow for a long time. During the day when tears threatened to spill, I stopped them by calling myself a baby. And so the detachment began.

Journey

What is it with the self-humialition, calling yourself a "cry-baby"? You must have heard that phrase a lot by then. I know my husband heard it a lot, and used it frequently and used it on himself frequently.

Here in the states (and my family was no great prize, but still...) I would've been upbraided for name-calling if I used the phrase "cry baby". Please don't be offended, MKs, but I get the impression that you were MEAN! Mean and no one ever modeled kindness or corrected the meanness. Is that how it was?

I know I was mean. I like to think that it was a result of the constant critisism we lived with, but I don`t think that justifies it.