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Quiet Time at Annual Awards Night of the Spoof News Writers' Guild
Recipients Decline Honor
(Woodworth, WI) The Annual Awards Banquet was a somber affair this year, with total attendance limited to the six members of the Spoof News Writers' Guild. Guild President Paul Flaming blamed the poor turnout on the failure of Brian Coombs and Brian Shortmeier to accept the Guild's award for Best Laugh Lines. "This is a new category created this year in honor the incessant stream of ludicrous, hilarious and incredibly shocking howlers unleashed in an amazingly short period of time," said Mr. Flaming. "We aren't laughing at them; we are laughing with them, much in the same way they feel the former MKs' pain. Sure wish they could have come."
Gene Long, occasional reporter for the Guild, dusted off a tried and true technique from NTM, and led the group in Quiet Time. "It's what Scott Ross did with the Thailand Field Committee the very night before the trial was set to begin," explained Long, "and it was during that time that it was revealed to them that it would be best to settle out of court than to be convicted. It took them over two years to come up with the idea, and they never did get divine clarification on who should apologize to whom, but it broke the logjam and allowed us all to move forward again. It just seemed like we here at the Guild should try it, too."
The effort proved fruitless, however, and the revelers turned to talking shop, composing leads and reviewing best business practices tips.
Members of the Guild competed to do the best parody of press releases from NTM USA corporate offices. The undisputed winner, after several rounds of hilarity and merriment, was Larry Brown (not that Larry Brown), who remained perfectly silent until all the guests shut up and quit talking. "It was perfect," said Paul Flaming. "Art imitates life."
Reports were filed from various locations around the world, generally based on some ill considered, off-hand remark made in writing by leadership. "In writing! Can you believe it?!" said an unnamed spoof writer. "Just priceless."
Police were called to quell the raucous laughter around midnight. No members of the Guild were beaten.
Reporters caught up with Brian Coombs in Sanford, Florida. Asked why he had declined the proffered award, which included a fried chicken dinner and a get out of jail free pass, he replied, "We don't make our decisions based on demands from former writers."
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It's just not fair - like shooting fish in a barrel. 
