MK forum

OH, I'm crying!

But it's God who is good.
He will not fail us.

He will give us strength to keep doing the practical things we need to be doing.
Until this is finished.
And the healing is complete.

You Panama girls will be helping others.
I just know it!

I am going to post this in the Suicide topic also. It is a writing I wrote on July 5 2011. I was hopeless and wanting to die. And I lived on an Island 10 ft away from the water!! So this I believe was almost my darkest...It got worse. I will submit to the MK Safety Net writings also. It really shows how one with Mental Issues and Suicide thoughts goes through in their mind. So Sad what the victim of abuse goes through and how they truly feel about themselves


INVISABLE
I am Nothing
I am Worthless, Forgotten, Brushed Off, Replaced
And invisible

I am Stripped
Stripped from Everything
Pride, Respect, Friendship, a Soul,
Security, Love, Motherhood, Dignity,
Accomplishments, Safety, Hope, Faith
And the Will to Live

I am Invisable
Unseen
Forgotten
Misused
And Mistaken

I want to Disappear

Disappear to a Place Where
I am Loved
I am Protected
I feel Safe
I can be Free
I can hold my Babies and not let Go or have them Torn from My Womb
Where I can be Seen
Not Hidden
Not Thrown out or Discarded
When I am not Conforming to Your
Conditions
Rules
Threats
Or Needs
To Make You All Who You Are

I want to Leave and Go
To a Place where I don’t Ache
For what I am Missing
Love
Cherished
Protected
Cared For
Seen As Human

A Place where I can Feel What it Feels like to Be Alive
Alive like You







How does it Feel
To be Seen
Loved
Important
Respected
Cherished
Protected
Forgiven
Like You Belong
Like You Matter
Like you will be Missed

I won’t be Missed

H Embleton
MK Survivor, Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor, Adult Rape Survivor, Marital Mental Abuse Survivor, Child of Neglect Survivor and Domestic Violence Survivor with PTSD and BPD

I am speechless!
Your gift of writing will be used in different ways now.

In my worst frame of mind
I saw the bare winter branches
As sharp fingernails scraping the grayness of the sky.
Now I see their softness and beauty---
Revealing the inner structure of the tree
Each kind of tree having a different symmetry.
God's amazing creation.

Yes, the mind can be fragile ground
When we are controlled by despair.
Each thought has the potential
Of crashing through the thin soil---
To nothingness.
But it can heal to a place of extreme strength
In an environment of love, compassion and care.

Wow Mosquito Bite.....I love it and of course I LOVE the tree symbolism. To me trees wrap their branches around us to protect and comfort and they give us life (The Mango tree being my first realization of this)

NEW SUGGESTION for THE BOOK....Inspirational through a short story from each of us as to how we came to be a victim, a friend or family member of a victim and then our writings on the feelings a victim feels and then writings such as this one you just posted as inspiration and healing for others....to show God can overcome our deepest hurts even from others that claim to be Christians. I will spearhead this project if I can get confirmation from everyone that they will supply their info.

I really feel we should do this...It will be so healing for all of us, another way to hold our bond here on Earth and to show God's love is here with us even in the sad and continually harming environment of a Godly environment being the environment for our abuses. I would like to have Maire's story be the first opening and then her remaining story to be the ending one as the book to be dedicated mainly to her physical pains she needs justice for! She is my sister in so many ways and I promised her to fight for her when she can't or no longer feels the strength!

I found this song this morning while researching other foundations for us to get our stories out and submit writings.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a foundation created just a few years ago and has spread and helped so many people facing suicide thoughts, cutting and feelings of worthlessness. They gear towards pre teens, teens and young adults but support ALL ages in their fight. The irony of it is that my daughter, the writer, was wearing a shirt with their logo on it one day in the summer of 2010 when I began cutting seriously again and was very close to suicide or severe damage from the cutting. She has a heart of gold and a drive to help victims. She had spearheaded for the cause Rachael's Challenge (started from the Columbine shooting) in her school. Her challenge to herself was to find another resource for young girls and guys to have help with issues deriving from school bullying. She picked To Write Love on her Arms. AMAZING how God speaks through the CHILD!

The lyrics will be below the link to the song. The words are so closes to my heart that I am crying.....I remember those dark days and I remember cutting myself to release the emotional pain and hurt. Physical pain made my emotional pain go away. This is a symptom of BPD deriving from PTSD. I fight every day not to cut when I am in my dark hours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... N6cq0vYVoc


She's upset,
Bad day,
Heads for the dresser drawer to drive the pain away,
Nothing good can come of this,
She opens it, there's nothing,
There is only leftover tears,
Mom and Dad have no right she screams,
Anger runs down both of her cheeks.

Then she closed her eyes,
Found relief in a knife,
with closed eyes she cries

All alone the way she feels,
Left alone to deal with,
All the pain drenched sorrowed relief,
Bite the lip just forget the bleeding.

And then she closed her eyes,
Found relief in a knife,
with closed eyes she cries
Then she closed her eyes,
Found relief in a knife,
with cloed eyes she cries.

Curled up she's on the floor,
Relief left her she had,
Hoped for something more from it,
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net -]
Hoped for something more from it.

And he leans down to comfort her,
She is weeping as he,
Wraps his arms around,
And around and around and;

The deeper you cut,
The deeper I hurt,
The deeper you cut,
It only gets worse.
The deeper you cut,
The deeper I hurt,
The deeper you cut,
It only gets worse.
Gets worse.

but she's slowly opening
but she's slowly opening,
New eyes

And then she opened her eyes,
Found relief in his life,
And put down her knives.

Then she opened her life,
Found relief through his eyes,
And put down,
She put down her knives.


this song is actually called "The Way She Feels" and
its by Between The Trees.

When one wants to help you in order to receive something from you, it is not a charity, but a contract of the soul. Many of our souls are still tied up in boxes in parts of the world where NTM is.

so true!!! but yet so painful.....