MK forum

Bolivia has at least one suicide

Thank you, Jerry, for starting this thread.
It is necessary.
Thank you to those who have shared.
I just sit on the edge of this subject crying and groaning.
It is too horrible to think of the pain that would cause these thoughts.
But we must think about it and be whatever help we can.
If it's just to sit on the edge and listen....
And hurt........

One of my little friends growing up, when he grew up
One of my best friend's children
Possibly my uncle
My sister in law's dad
An attempt by a teen at Fanda

These are the ones I know of.
But I don't understand......

I have had two close friends/family commit suicide in 2012. I wrote about Julie....the mother to my nephews and my oldest brother's love of his life. They were going to get back together...just two weeks. She is a victim of sexual abuse as a child and adult and a third party victim of NTM. The sins brought us as children have now carried over into a second generation and in many cases third ones are started or starting. And the extended branches of our families such as our spouses, partners, friends and loved ones. If only I had been stronger when she needed me. She and I share the BPD. She is also why I want to heal myself and help others.

And my dear Boss that I hadn't worked for since 2009. My mentor, protector and father figure. He was getting too much wrap and heat from some fraudulent loan officers and feared jail as the owner/broker after seeing what I had stopped in OR and WA with another company. He also suffered from severe depression and anxiety from a strict Baptist upbringing in NYC. He always felt he had to keep being good even if he didn't do the sin.

Borderline Personality Disorder is the number one killler in women. Now over heart disease. From suicide. BPD is caused or derived from childhood sexual abuse or trauma.




TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS is a movement started a few years ago and is committied to raising awareness of self harm and suicide. Stopping the harming through building self worth and empowerment. Check it out if you want.

Thank you, mk chame, for speaking openly about Borderline Personality Disorder and its roots in childhood sexual abuse and trauma. You are very brave.

I think it's timely that JerryB started a thread about suicide.

Maybe we should start a thread about mental/emotional illness too.

We need to grapple with all these tough subjects. Be willing to acknowledge the struggle, and together, perhaps find some help and healing, through the common ground we share.

We do not want to be like some we know, who avoid the truth in order to keep their lives neat and tidy and carefree.

Life on this earth is NOT neat, tidy, or carefree.

And that's okay. We have each other. And we have our Great Comforter who never leaves or forsakes us.

Great idea on the mental health issues as a topic. It is part of what I will be doing with NAMI (National Association for Mental Illnesses) through Congress program to speak openly with my story as a tool for awareness and resources. I will be speaking to Jr High Schools and also working with the YWCA program to go into local Jails and speak with women of Domestic Violence who end up as the offender. Awareness and support are the key to change!

Speaking out about mental illness is necessary. So many in our background considered any type of mental problems to be spiritual. If you had problems of the mental sort it was unconfused sin in your life that caused the problem. Or your faith was weak.

Since they have shown that child abuse can lead to many mental illness and suicides we as MKs need to be talking of this. I think as MKs we opened up the whole mess of child abuse in the church we can do the same with mental illness.

What about those MKs who have committed "Spiritual Suicide". Yes they are still alive and many are no doubt doing fine, but shouldn't the churches who sent out missionary families and sponsored them, be asking why it is that on their return the MKs have turned their back on religon.

One wouldn't expect all MKs to follow in their parents footsteps and become missionaries, as much as the general populace doesn't often follow in their parents careers, but to walk away completely doesn't seem to raise that many eye brows.

We never told our kids they had to be missionaries.
That is a very personal decision between them and the Lord.
And our very lives should be speaking loudly, in the right way, wherever we are.

Many churches are not that involved with their missionaries.
Sorry to say.
The lack of a solid support group who really cares is a blessing when you have it.

I don't believe most churches even know the names of their missionaries' kids. They sure don't notice when the MK returns to the states and disappears. Churches do not realize MKs often have no family when they return to their passport country.

In my own life I have one exception to this. A lady who supported my folks I never met her but when my first baby was born she sent me a pair of little shoes and socks. Other than relatives she is the only one who I knew that remembered me, I will never forget her kindness.

Sharing a writing I wrote in 2011. It shows how hopeless I was and how I felt so alone in the world. It is representative of all the abuses and you will see under my name my many different survivals.

Being abused doesn't end when the victim is away from the offender or the offender moves on to another victim. It is a lifetime of effects and a mind set created at the time of the incident. I re read my words and felt sad that I do indeed have those feelings and have for a lifetime.

OH FYI I got accepted into the YWCA Sexual Assault Advocacy program. I start my training this week!

Mk Chame






INVISABLE
I am Nothing
I am Worthless, Forgotten, Brushed Off, Replaced
And invisible

I am Stripped
Stripped from Everything
Pride, Respect, Friendship, a Soul,
Security, Love, Motherhood, Dignity,
Accomplishments, Safety, Hope, Faith
And the Will to Live

I am Invisable
Unseen
Forgotten
Misused
And Mistaken

I want to Disappear

Disappear to a Place Where
I am Loved
I am Protected
I feel Safe
I can be Free
I can hold my Babies and not let Go or have them Torn from My Womb
Where I can be Seen
Not Hidden
Not Thrown out or Discarded
When I am not Conforming to Your
Conditions
Rules
Threats
Or Needs
To Make You All Who You Are

I want to Leave and Go
To a Place where I don’t Ache
For what I am Missing
Love
Cherished
Protected
Cared For
Seen As Human

A Place where I can Feel What it Feels like to Be Alive
Alive like You

How does it Feel
To be Seen
Loved
Important
Respected
Cherished
Protected
Forgiven
Like You Belong
Like You Matter
Like you will be Missed

I won’t be Missed

H Embleton
MK Survivor, Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor, Adult Rape Survivor, Marital Mental Abuse Survivor, Child of Neglect Survivor and Domestic Violence Survivor with PTSD and BPD