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Investigation https://fandaeagles.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=1192 |
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Author: | Raz [ Sun Nov 11, 2012 8:36 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
MK Chame, your words rip at my heart. Tears in my eyes for you. So much of what you say could be said by one of my daughters. She cannot remember what happened to her in the dorm bedroom after lights out, but the life-altering effects have been pervasive and obvious, to this day. We only know what happened, because that monster missionary pedophile who violated her wrote us a letter and "confessed" what he did. She was only 6, for God's sake. I am so sorry you have no one close to talk to about this. No one to believe you. That is awful. We believe you. We are always here to listen. We are also cheering you on as you dig into the past, process it, and continue to heal. It is very hard work, I know. But so much better than keeping it blocked off while it eats you alive. The person who did this to you is the one who should pay the price. Instead, it is you who suffer, and pay, and continue to struggle and wish your life could end. It is all so wrong. So unfair. So upside down. That is why we are still here. Why we continue to fight for a voice. For justice. The fact that it happened because families had given their all to do God's work in God's way makes it all the more horrific. Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. We will continue to carry you in our hearts and prayers. |
Author: | Shary Hauber [ Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:57 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
MK Chame I write this with tears in my eyes. I want to send you a white rose to show you. You are not to blame you are pure. I have a book mark with a white rose on it that was given to me as a survivor and if you PM your address to me I would like to send it to you. Tell your self over and over "I am not to blame." You did nothing to ask for all the abuse. You were a pure child with no thoughts or actions of evil. The evil was done to you. Your abuser bears 100% of the blame. I am glad you broke his daughter's arm. Don't ever think that was bad. It shows how strong your inner child was. You did what you had to to protect that little innocent girl. You are not evil. I really want to send you the white rose book mark to show you I believe you. Love you and wish I could just hold the little girl, and protect her. Shary |
Author: | threewillows [ Sun Nov 11, 2012 8:11 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
Finding balance in my voice Not suppression but restraint Freedom over long repressed memory Repressed anger Repressed habit Divining the truth My truth |
Author: | Bemused [ Mon Nov 12, 2012 12:39 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
Author: | JERRY BARTLETT [ Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:05 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
Thank you MK Chame for having the courage to post out here. I BELIEVE YOU! Please keep reading and posting. I'm glad that you are getting the counselling that you need. |
Author: | mk chame [ Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:04 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
All of you are such Angels. Truly. The support you give me, the understanding and the nurturing is amazing to me and an answered prayer. See I knew God liked me I want to share a miracle for me today with you... I found Kerry Gray!! Let me tell you what she did for me. When I was kicked out of the compound and my mother was being kept from me through her "re programming" I didn't know what to do. No toys still, the big dorm had been my home. Where do I go. Tree is too wet as it is the rainy season. Schneider boys still gone. Slaymakers were no longer allowed around me. So Kerry came out in the pouring rain, risked severe punishment and built this tin hut with me while we laughed and laughed and she said see Ralph we are having fun. HA. I only knew her for a brief time and loved her accent but I have missed her for a lifetime. God was in NTM. It was us children. Truly. And that Mango tree. So an answered prayer. I needed a friend, support and someone who understood. She has even validated some very sad stuff for me. She only could remember me as the "bAd girl" YUP that is what that Christian Leader did to me. Erased my name along with my innocence, safety and security on top of never trying to get my toys there. I was the "bad girl" Does he know what that did to me??? My brothers hated me. I was bad My dad was embarassed of me. I was bad My sister said HA HA you are bad My Mom abandoned me because I was bad So I became a child prodigy - as soon as my parents got excited I said NA I am going to fail now I gave up my virginit at 14 and only did it to say HAHA DAD now who is dirty I refused to cook and sow as my mother wanted me to do it for my brothers to fix me so I could be a good wife because that was the only chance I had I played Fietld Hockey. Damn good too! They only went to my sisters game. My dad went to my last one. I broke my niose I was loved by all my friends and their parents. My parents said no something must be wrong So at 15 I met a 21 year old and yes dated him, ran away to Boston and snuck out all the time I flashed all of my dads co workers in town. Wanna see dirty here ya go I manipulated men I did nothing but run I almost died from bulimia but hey my mom said my beauty was all I had I had to stay back in school instead of being moved up because my siblings weren't smart and that wouldn't b e fair I got my own job and became a manager at 15. No one cared I went to college. No one else did. I tutured my little brother and mothered him I was beat up by my older siblings constantly I ran away I overdosed I cut Sex was fun and oh the clothes I had from shoplifting I did what I wanted and let Marla take the fall this time as she couldn't keep her mouth shut Everyone in town said that poor girl. I married someone at 19 after a month of knowing him because he was my ticket out I had a baby I was free Nope. I have two degrees and did it as a full time Mom, worker and PTA Board Member No one went to my graduation so I said keep the degree I raised three girls on my own with a very abusive ex I fought him all alone. I had to give him sexual favors for help with car etc My own dad wouldn't help me NO MAN was ever there to protect me and I was going through men like cookies and told once that they aren't chess pieces. HUH yes they are I became a stripper for a day. I had a beautiful body and I knew it. I was a model But no one ever said WOW Heather you are a good Mpm NOPE I was divorced and a shame again. Oh he beats you, cheats on you and sexually abuses. Oh come on he makes good money. He is your husband. Left all on my own when my third child was 1 month old RAISED MY GIRLS WITH LOVE, REAL LOVE Met a man in Church. Hey maybe Dad will love me now Ex got mad at me so did the boyfriend when I broke up with him They had a plan. Teach me He raped me for hours making me say I was a bad girl He left, He came back He laughed. My daughters were upstairs I froze He said he would go for them if I didn't take it NO WAY you can kill me. I will endure hours and years of your rape....NOT MY ANGELS\ He kidnapped me the next day Leaving my babies alone for 8 hrs He tortured me He blackmailed me He killed my soul again Man I hate Christian men What is the deal Fought for my kids Lost them due to extreme stress and fear Met a Cuban Met my hero He made me laugh and feel safe He also abused me BUT I started it I became violent. really violent Bad GIRL I live in fear, suffer physically, cry, literally felt my mind go when it did CUT again Tried to kill myself over 30 times in one year Everytime though my little girl text me An gels again. God does love me They are grown now My dad isn't angry someone touched me Ughhh I am bad again Oh I took down the biggest Mortgage fraud gang in the NW NO one cared That was scary It was hard I risked my career Let my ex have the girls in case these guys came after me They are in jail FBI and IRS took all the glory. They priomised money. I wanted to I could heal Still waiting Then the INVESTIGATION \Don't do it Wait those innocent kids Damn I was a victim too I knew it I am not nuts Why me Oh yeah I am bad Why doesn't my family care They won't even get back to Anne so she can cross them off I AM YOUR SISTER WTF I hate my family I hate God OH WAIT NO...sorry God I love you My nephews mom kills herself. Another BPD victim. She couldn't handle how my family madre her feel. My mom took her boys. She was a drug addict But she was still hurting Witness? Nope not the Embletons My boss killed himself WHY HE was my father figure OK I am jealous of them HUH H you are nuts Cut again Hate these scars Oh I live with parents and brother\ She buys me a lot\ LOVE My brother hates me so bad and blames me. He abuses me. Really people I shut down I have lost my smarts, drive, hope and only pray for God to kill me PLEASE This sucks OK BAD GIRL don't let them win I have a plan It is called ME ME ME ME ME ME and yup I am going to spread the good word of NTM You have now messed with the wrong girl I write Yup gonna take you down.....by exposing you I will keep these Chame MKs going. We can do this Contacted the attorney. Hmmmm he looks good. I don't want blood money back I want me. That 10 year old girl. Damn she is mad at me Oh I gained weight. Oh well Can't throw up anymore and my mom took my beauty anyway. Made me shallow but wouldn't let me model and always says my girls are so pretty. YEAH they look just like me and you are on limited soul time with them. I did drugs I drank I was wild It was fun But not really I am a good girl and I love God I can't even be intimate Sex is sex to me and I am good By boyfriend just wants to hold me I mock him that isn't nice Another acronym added and another damn stop giving everyone so much ammo What happened to Heather She was so strong and put together Oh she walked away from her home, car, sold everything and hid. But it feels good I hate this constant train wreck Now my IBS is severe Yup AND The diabetes. I used to be so healthy. I am falling apart. But am I trying to. Slowly killing myself Any way I have a plan. If I am too loud then back away It won't get quieter Sorry M & D You are wrong Marla you are weak Paul you are mean David WTF I was your mommy, spent all night on phone with you when you found out you were BI Polar. LOve you BRO Oh yeah the Embletons live in denial and selfishness. All about them and their pain FU I am stronger and I am the one who was the victim Stop blaming me Stop looking at me like I am dirty I am really smart Very smart and I don't need men to coddle me I can build a house Start a business Understand an Opera Dig in the dirt CLIMB A TREE Swim a lake to save a child Swim the 2nd biggest river help a stanger Give a van to a DV victim Cry with victims and mean it I am good I am Heather NOT BAD girl I have a sad story but if you listen you will feel God through me and my love for my kids. A True love. A love of sacrifice I want to love I want to love I want to be loved Ok 40 yrs old ENOUGH Someone sent me a pic of my tree How amazingly peaceful I just need a hug M&D Simple No???? Really?? Whatever I can hug myself so HA LOVE to all of you WOW Had to get it out I am ready to face my real demons This time I don 't care what the fam thinks Live in your hell I am out of here Does Heather Spencer sound good?? No marriage Done being an Embleton Kisses, prayers and may your angels return!! H |
Author: | Raz [ Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:04 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
Wow. So powerful. So sad. So real. Many things you have to say sound familiar. You would be amazed to know how not alone you are. How many people GET the things you say, and the way you say them. People who read here. People who have written here. The scars from childhood abuse run so, so deep. So much deeper than your cutting scars. You are right, Heather. You are Heather NOT BAD girl. And yes, God not only loves you. He LIKES you. So do we. Thanks for taking the incredibly courageous step of telling us more about your story and your life. My heart is broken all over again for you. But in reading and re-reading your post, what I sense is that after all these years, you have found your voice! You have found your strength! You have learned some really important things through all the horrific things you have suffered. You don't have to ever be a victim again. Rise up, Heather NOT BAD girl! Rise up, shake off your chains, and LIVE!!! |
Author: | threewillows [ Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:01 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
Oh no MK Chame. You are NOT bad. You are BAD ASS! Kick it! Grab your honor, grab your good memories and run with it! There is safety and a listening ear here. |
Author: | Bemused [ Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:17 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
It's tragic, it's raw, it's hard to read and be disconnected, but it is honest and heartfelt. Thank you for writing this, it is an insight into your nightmare and your world. Some of it others have experienced, some of it I have too, but it is your reality and a hard one to hear. Alas I am not one of the angels refered to, my halo went to the dry cleaners decades ago and never came back . Thank you for telling us your story, it is another step in the direction we find ourselves going on this site, making the world a better place for tomorrow's children by dealing with the evil of yesterday by our actions today. Each voice that is heard, each story told is another step. Be at peace with yourself, love those who genuinely love you and walk tall for you have survived. In the meantime if you are down at the dry cleaners and see a tired worn out halo, that says "Bemused" on it, just smile and imagine how it got in that condition, because as said before, I'm no angel, just human . |
Author: | mk chame [ Wed Nov 14, 2012 12:09 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Investigation |
Idea everyone. Would you be interested in putting together a book of our writings??? I have read some of yours also and am touched, sadenned and somehow inspired. They never expected us to grow up. Watch out! The more we ban together the more upset they get. I am very good at organizing, finding resources etc. I found my voice again and I won't stop this time. Someone finally believe me, validated me and said I care. So powerful! I am so happy I found all of you again. I weep for you too. I still see the child in all of you And you know something else...really Panama. It wasn't safe for Americans. Duh. And did we help them. I don't know. I never went into the jungle. I remember the town folk loved me. I hung out with them. Did we help though town of Chame?? My brother used to run off with Carlos I know that. Just a new thought I had. |
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