MK forum

My friends, I know you've been in the position yourselves and have been witness to loved ones when they've gone through trials of the most dejecting and dehumanizing nature. Right now I'm trying to work with an adolescent who has profound pain of a physical Job-like nature, and has had to endure this every day of his life. He looks at me with these tortured eyes . . .I know it can't help but affect his soul.

What got you through the worst of times? Was any one person a particular help to you, and why? How about your kids? How did you make it through sexual/physical/emotional/spiritual abuse and still be able to write, read, think and breathe?

(these are not rhetorical questions, please help!)

Allbetter, your compassion is huge!
I hope you get some answers that help.

Validation goes further than you can possibly imagine.

Great questions. What forced me to seek healing was that I never wanted to be like the person/people who hurt me the most. I would not become like them. Since this was my goal, I ran towards healing and anything that would help me heal. A big part of that is those I choose to associate with and have close to me. Being authentic, transparent, willing to admit my faults and work on changing them, admitting my weaknesses, has all been a huge part of becoming the polar opposite of those who hurt me most.

That is such a great answer, survivor.
It gives me hope. And hope is an important starting place.

What about when it's no one person's fault, but a genetic catastrophe? How can I help with the anger, the hopelessness? After what has happened to you, do you still believe in the goodness of God?

@allbetter
I absolutely believe in the goodness of God. If I didn't, I would be a complete mess without any hope. Because of what I went through, I have so much more compassion, understanding, and wisdom. I think I see people through different eyes. It's also given me more discernment. It's given me a passion for justice and healing which I wouldn't have otherwise. I take a strong stand against sin and against secrecy. In my case it was someone else's sin that hurt me. God never wastes anything in our lives as long as we allow him to use it.
With your friend who has the genetic abnormality, it wasn't sin that caused this but God can still use it. Your friend knows what it's like to live with this, how others treat him/her, his/her own questions, difficulties. He/She can reach out to others in a way that I never would be able to because I don't understand that and I haven't lived through that. There is so much potential for ministry, for sharing, for reaching into someone's life and sharing with their pain. That is a huge part of healing right there. If your friend were able to do this, not only would it help in his/her own healing but it would give him/her a purpose and they would be able to see how they can still be used tremendously in this life.
Not in any way do I discount his/her own hurt but if he/she is able to continue healing despite that, there is so much potential still for his/her life.

Allbetter, never underestimate the power of a hug, of human touch, of eye contact, of soul-to-soul communication.

God has sent you to this person to communicate -- through you -- "you matter, and you are loved".

You have been entrusted with the most important message anyone has ever carried, given or received:

"God is love."

I have a child who was born with a genetic abnormality. He has gone through many surgeries to correct it but it will never be totally corrected. He lives with physical pain every day. We have always emphasized that this is not God doing it to him, but just something that happens in nature and that God has equipped him uniquely to overcome by giving him special gifts and talents. During the early teen years it was very tough emotionally (those teen years are tough enough on their own) but I see that my son has a special empathy for others who have different disabilities and is protective of them. His struggles have made him stronger but have left him with a sympathentic heart for others. Love, encourage, and pray for this young person you are concerned for and provide them a safe place with your unconditional love.

@ Raz........you are exactly right. Never underestimate the power of human touch........especially under the most difficult circumstances.

@ NTM Child............My youngest (16) was born with ADHD...."Off the charts" according to those that tested him and while it has been difficult living with this and has taken it's toll on our lives........he is one amazing kid. He is not naughty......he just struggles in EVERYTHING. He has been told he will be a failure since he was 4, called retarded, bullied, by students and adults...........you know what he has beyond what I can imagine?? He has the most forgiving spirit and has the sensitivity to many with disabilities........his compassion has brought me to tears and to my knees on many occasions. He started his 1st job today because they saw in him a loving spirit.....be encouraged.

@ Allbetter.........you never know why you are in someone's life and you will never know why God allows certain things/obstacles to happen to some children/adults.......I am learning about His sovereignty. A little girl in our church passed away yesterday from cancer.....she was 18 months old,,,,,,,,why, I do not know. My brother was killed by a drunk driver when he was 36 leaving behind 3 children........his greatest wish was to be with God. i have struggled with alot of anger and questioned God many times. What I have learned is, through personal experience is that I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE SUFFERING INFLICTED ON SOME.............my Faith, which I have questioned, allows me to talk to God in ways I could probably never talk to a friend without offending them........and He is still there using and teaching me. It has taken years for me to learn this............I am 47. My point, be encouraged, ask Him, even if you don't understand........He will not be offended by your questions.