And traevbru - is it a bum or a knee?
| MK forum https://fandaeagles.com/forums/ |
|
| AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE https://fandaeagles.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=648 |
Page 1 of 3 |
| Author: | Kalamazoo [ Wed May 18, 2011 4:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
Many of you know by now that I am stuck on the couch with a bum knee, and for some reason this site is more interesting to me then daytime TV. As I was reading past comments I was struck with how many of us are communicating with our parents, and some walls are coming down. Can I tell you how big of a gift this is? I have had the wonderful opportunity of being a hospice nurse for several missionaries. We instantly became close. I was saddened by several things about them though. 1) Their poverty. Some of my favorite missionary patients were in our county nursing homes that we affectionately call "HELL HOLES". Being poor in America at the end of life is no fun. 2). Their isolation--because they were out of the country so long many did not have the deep abiding friendships that help you get thru trying times. 3). Conflicted family members 4). Their depression. Many had not had their depression ever treated, so now resources are limited. So, is it hopeless for them and for us? I don't think so. It does mean that we have to work hard on relationships now with them. We have time left. By the way I firmly believe that elder abuse in this country is a huge problem. More later. Thanks for putting up with me, you all. |
|
| Author: | mosquito bite [ Wed May 18, 2011 7:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
Much to think about that we have seen to be true, sadly. A Christian hospice nurse and a Christian care home (we didn't know they were Christians when we 1st were there-it was just such a great place) were huge gifts to our family. And we did not find them---the Lord led in it all. But lack of finances can be a really horrible thing in this country. How can we help more in our own family situations? |
|
| Author: | Kalamazoo [ Wed May 18, 2011 8:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
Well, since you asked . . .1) advocate for them. Many of our parents haven't been around our health care systems. I can count on both hands the MD visits I had as a child. Go with them to appointments. They may be more inclined then others to say, "I'm praying for a miracle, God will provide." become knowledgable so that they will trust your input. Why? The longer they can stay functioning on their own the better. If they need surgery the earlier the better. There will be a time when they are too old for surgery, and may have to live with a condition that limits their functioning. Help them with exercise/diet. 2) don't count on a Christian nursing home as helping. I live in an area of densly populated Christian elders. Most of these nice homes will only accept patients with a half million to start out with. Some will keep them once the money is up and they are on Medicaid, and some will not. Most of us and our parents will end up in a county home, with very tight quarters and understaffed. 3) encourage a strong social and spiritual network. You might have to make dates for them. Keep them involved and help them make connections. There will be a time when you will be unable to provide for all of their needs. 4). Be a little nosy about money. One of my relatives, a missionary to Venezuela, had untreated bipolar, and gave away their [color=#FFBF00][/color]savings four times. 4). Ask them about depression. Tell stories of notable Christians with depression, how they are treated |
|
| Author: | XYZ [ Wed May 18, 2011 8:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
That is, assuming that your parents are in touch with reality and not still presenting themselves as perfect shells, in control of everything, not susceptible to the weak foolishness of emotions & depression . . . that they are not unwilling to open up and let the ugly, vulnerable & frightening be exposed. |
|
| Author: | sunshine [ Wed May 18, 2011 9:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
Might consider something in your home/adoptive (ie, non parents home country) country - some very affordable plans, often with a closer dr pt relationship and very acceptable medical care - might work out for some - for some parents, I think they´ve also created an idea of what their "home" country is and they get back to it and discover that it´s a strange country. |
|
| Author: | sunshine [ Wed May 18, 2011 9:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
And traevbru - is it a bum or a knee?
|
|
| Author: | Kalamazoo [ Wed May 18, 2011 9:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
Well, my bum is hurting from lounging so much! Were we allowed to say bum? Can't remember  . XYZ, yeah, sometimes it takes awhile to get there, but by the end, most are vulnerable, which is good and bad. Sometimes that is the only time that healing takes place. I have to admit that these things are easier to say then to do. Dad gets really irritated when we insist that he carry his cell phone and let us know where he's at . . .mom took herself off medicine, and then told us  . And the magic potion is still "read your Bible and pray every day . . .". About dealing with the abuse issues, they were as shocked as other people, but to be honest I still haven't had a heart to heart with Dad about it cause I think he would say something stupid and I'd be all mad about it. Mom used the opportunity to tell me more family secrets. But then said her Christian counselor thought it was alright if she didn't think too much about it all . . .Sunny, I agree with you on alternative options: our family has absolutely no presence permanently in Brazil, part of me thinks that that would be a better option. Mom was absolutely determined to not be a burden on the other missionaries or Brazilians. And she won't be honest with them, so it's just as well. Another thing is that they abandoned their families for 30 years and now have the task of showing love and understanding. For the most part, they are doing very well at this . . .just wish they didn't go to such a dorky little church (it's not really helping them figure out the world). Have to admit I didn't really think my life would change much with them back, but BOY HOWDY! Good night all, find out tomorrow if I'm back to work or not.
|
|
| Author: | SittingDuck [ Thu May 19, 2011 5:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
I'm with XYZed . Some of our parents are just too far gone into that habit of plugging the ears and singing "lalalala!" I'm just glad (I use that word in its absolute broadest sense...) that Fanda Eagles ripped me off that path.
|
|
| Author: | JJ [ Thu May 19, 2011 11:49 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
I am a brand new member of this message board as of 30 minutes ago but have read most of the posts. I am a victim of sexual abuse while attending the NTM PNG boarding school. I have been very open and honest with my parents about what has happened to me and they have been very supportive. Both my parents are dealing with guilt, and both have apologized to me for not protecting me. I count myself very lucky to have such a great support structure behind me as I have faced the demons from my past. Not all MK's are so lucky and it is so important for us (MK's),those who can relate to our experiences and those who sympathize to share our thoughts and emotions and rally around each other. This forum is incredible, the posts have made me: Cry Broken my heart Made me want to stand up and shout Encouraged Not so lonely. So thank you! Jane Doe |
|
| Author: | Raz [ Thu May 19, 2011 11:52 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: AS OUR PARENTS GRIEVE |
We welcome you, Jane Doe! My heart breaks again every time I "meet" another MK survivor of abuse. There are far, far too many. We are glad you're here with us. |
|
| Page 1 of 3 | All times are UTC - 5 hours |
| Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|