MK forum

One of my favorite songs comes from Isaiah 61:3, "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for
ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified."

The words of the song "He gave me beauty for ashes, strength for tears, gladness for mourning, hope for despair" is an apt description of my life.

I was thinking of the year that I was in Frank's dorm. When we had the Halloween dress-up party, I dressed as a pirate. A dirty pirate. I even remember going out to the dirt and rubbing it into my skin because I felt so ugly and dirty. I remember it made me feel tough to have a "knife". I also remember the wall hanging that we made during retreat. For years, I would get physically ill whenever I would see that wall hanging packed away in a box. I don't know why I didn't throw it away. Until I went into counseling, I can honestly say that I saw no beauty in my life, except for my children and husband. I worn lose, baggy clothing to cover myself. I felt "safe" that way. I did not see myself as a "beautiful" person.

Then, God. Now I can see how God has turned the ashes of my life into beauty. I have four beautiful children and a loving husband who has made the choice to love me unconditionally. God is my Strength, because thought I am weak, He is strong. He has turned my mourning into gladness and I no longer live in despair.

I remember my adopted daddy saying to me, God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good. It took me a long time to truly believe this deep in my heart for you see, how could I believe that a God who is good would allow me to suffer. But it's sin. "For by one man, sin entered the world." Yet, we have hope because of God great love for us in giving His one and only son for us. Wow! What I have "suffered" truly doesn't compare to the suffering Christ went through on the cross for ME. How can I not lay aside my ashes and allow the beauty of Christ to live in and through me.

My dear Via friends, how I pray that God will too give YOU Beauty for ashes, Strength for tears, Gladness for mourning and Hope for despair.

Much, Much Love,
Memories

Wow,,,, maybe that is why I always wore baggy clothes. I was even made fun of by one of the first guys that I dated here in the States, he told me that when I ever got married...I would be wearing pajamas with feet in them!! LOL

I remember that halloween party costume. I remember those banners.

I remember the colors of the closet curtains we would twist up in when he came busting in. I remember him trying to "comfort" his favorites in the midst of tragedy - a sick story, not mine to tell. I remember his purple face in P.E. because I was being "fresh" to him. The facial codes we had when he was on the prowl.

There was no safety, no sanctity, no sanity.

Farther back, I remember peering through the screen into Pam Heckert's room - watching her lie there, sick. Alone. Where was the compassion for kids' physical suffering?

Ashes & scars. Damn Via.

Your childhood memories break my heart.

We became pros at undressing underneath our outer clothing or towel, and redressing without ever showing any skin. I never realized that everyone didn't do that, not until I married and my husband began asking me why I did that.

That is beautiful and I am glad to read it again!