MK forum

way to go, verticallyrocked. it is hard to face the emotions that abuse brings up, particularly when the abuse happened in your own family. proud of you for speaking up.

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Verticallyrocked-

You Rock!! Seriously. I loved your post. I loved your passion, your honesty. Thank you for doing that, for standing with your sisters. It's inspiring.

Thank you!!

verticallyrocked your affirmation here is a blessing to your sisters and to me. Thanks for not being afraid of those emotions. Love you so much!

Arara Azul: I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. No child should have to live like that with such confusion and no safe place to go. And you're right, abusers are the best manipulators. I think abuse is even more damaging when the abuser is supposed to be a Christian. It seems like when the abuser "sprinkles Christianity" over everything, that somehow it's supposed to make everything all better. It's the worst reflection of Christ ever. And yet when it's your dorm dad, that may be all you see. So wrong. And so sorry for what you endured.

verticallyrocked: Your words meant so much to me. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for acknowledging this; the good and bad. I realize being the brother that it's very uncomfortable and I'm sure a helpless feeling to hear about all this. But it truly is part of who we are and has shaped who we've become. Unless someone understands it, they won't really be able to understand us. It's not something we want to talk about all the time but there are times, like now, when it's forefront in our lives. Thanks so much for your support.

I have shared so many details about my abuse and my healing process. I have read so many books on abuse and I've always found that it's in the details that I understand things more clearly and it makes a bigger impact on me. In sharing the details of my own abuse I hope that no one else has felt like their abuse was minimized. That is the LAST thing I would want anyone to feel.
I have heard that depending on how close in relationship you were to the abuser, how young you were when the abuse started, and how often the abuse happened will determine how damaging the abuse is to you. But there are countless other factors that also will determine how the abuse affected you. My counselor even told me several times during the course of my counseling that the way I had responded to things was not normal for a victim. So I truly hope that no one has read what I've written and someone thought their story was not significant.
Anything that happened to you was significant. It could have only been one event or something that was said to you and yet it's impact can be so damaging to you. Especially as children, things hit us at our core.
One of the books I have read is "Door of Hope" by Jan Frank. She was abused by her dad. In the beginning of the book I was imagining that the abuse from her dad must have been very intense and lasted all her childhood. But then she told about her abuse in detail and if I remember right, there were only two things that happened to her and they didn't seem very bad on the spectrum of what one may think "bad" abuse would be. I am so glad that Jan Frank shared the details though because I learned through that that even something that doesn't seem "that bad" can have a huge effect on your life. She didn't realize until she was in her 20s how much it had affected her. It took a long time for her to find healing. We should never judge another's story of abuse or how it has impacted them. We just need to be supportive, listen, and try to understand.
I apologize if anyone has felt this way by what I've shared. That was never my intend.

Thanks, survivor, for that clarification. Something I learned just a couple of years ago, too, was in this area of comparing myself or my suffering, or my "whatever" to someone else's life journey.
When I fell and broke my nose and jaw, it was pretty traumatice for me. I have not been sick very much, and never in the hospital except to have my babies. So this was totally new to me. One day not long after my fall, I was just lying in bed and thanking God for His so great goodness to me and praising Him for the tangible comfort I felt from Him. I was asking Him to allow me to help someone else in their journey too. In the midst of my reflections and joy, I seemed to hear an accusing voice that said,"You have nothing to share. Your fall was not so bad. This doesn't compare at all, for instance, with your relatives whose daughter was killed in the car accident. Now THEY can talk about God's grace. But, you, hmph! This was nothing." I felt so stricken and sad, but immediately, the "still small voice" of the Savior whispered to me, "I don't compare you to anyone else. What you are going through now is your experience and my opportunity to be God in your life. Don't compare it. Just accept it." And I praised Him! Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus.
All of you victims and survivors out there, your story is YOUR story. Not to be compared, for less or greater worth. Take your story to the only ONE who can make you right again if you have been wronged by abuse. He doesn't make "it" right, for abuse can never be right. But, if you will allow HIM, He will make you right again, scars and all. Remember that scars don't usually hurt us anymore, even if they mark our lives. Wounds, on the other hand, still hurt and if not cared for by the Great Physician, jeopardize the health of our entire body, mind and soul. How I pray for your complete healing. Will you commit yourself to seeking it and seeking HIM? I'm praying for you.
I love you, Survivor!

I've been reading the posts over the last month and have been thinking a lot about my days at Vianópolis in the 1970s. I was quite sure there was no sexual abuse in my small circle and never heard any gossip along those lines, but then, maybe, I was not the kind of person anyone would tell that kind of secret to at the time because my reactions would have been to explode. Anyway, I was thinking why was there sexual abuse later right under people's noses? Did the 1970s open a door of acceptance? Are there atmosphere's that are conducive to accepting this? And I remembered how in the little dorm, the dorm father liked to bounce the girls on his knee. Girls of 9 or 10 years of age. He would bounce them and hug them and poke them and tickle them. It was sort of imposed and some girls didn't like it, others didn't seem to mind. I remember watching this in the livingroom at the little dorm and in my kid language thinking it was 'icky' and moving close to 'nasty'. But noone seemed to think it was strange, the dorm mother was right there, it was considered to be fatherly love. But as I look at the scene now, I figure it was weird and not acceptable. There is no way I would accept any man bouncing my 10 year old daughter on his knee. You start off with a little weird and from there it's a slippery slope to Frank Parker. Noone 'puxou o freio de mão' and set up guidelines of respect.

Just wanted to point out that when conversations about abuse are brought up, they shouldn't be referred to as "gossip." That's the kind of thing that keeps victims from speaking out, and that is the kind of thing that keeps the mission covering it up--the idea that talking about abuse is wrong and that it should be kept "under wraps."

Not disagreeing with anything else you wrote, Unexpected Hero. I appreciate your post. Good questions, and good observations...and yes, we've all got to admit that safeguards were not in place to keep abuse from happening. No accountability (on all levels) has disastrous results!

The WHOLE ATMOSPHERE at Via was conducive to abuse! And, I don't really believe that abuse was not happening in the 70's....as it happened before and after that. Perhaps, like you said, you were just unaware. Ignorance is bliss....or not.