
this is what a parent of an mk can do when confronted with the following situation. My adult mk was posting a response to someone who had put up a link to a sad part in a movie involving a father and young daughter. I viewed the movie clip to better understand how it had made her feel, Thus I was able to be transported back to the scene of her own incident of pain that she had related to someone else. She had shared a recollection of her own sad desperation upon seeing me drive away after dropping her off at a stateside school. She said that she cried often about that.
It's not uncommon in my home for my loving wife to alert me to this sort of thing going on around me, and to go the step further of encouraging me to call to connect when one of our children is expressing something that relates to heart issues. She's always done that, and I love her for it. After all, my spouse knows me, that I deeply want to be in good relationship with each of my children but that I don't pay attention to opportunities to do so.
I called and left a message to the effect that I heard her story of sadness and that since it involved me I wanted to talk sometime today to express to her that I needed to be there for her in ways back then that I was appreciative of our relationship now.
She called me later and it came up again as part of our "catching up" conversation. I brought it up to her and said something about how she needed much more from me than she got back then. That she had a need for me to be more present, to listen, to care, to laugh, etc, since that was obviously a painful time in her life.
She thanked me for not expecting her to hide those feelings essentially, and for her to not have to protect me today. That my lack of defensiveness over the matter was so much better, since she is growing in grace and freely expresses herself today as a rule. We agreed that our relationship with each other will grow stronger as we continue in the same spirit of talking from our hearts without fear.
I share this with other parents who probably freeze up or retreat out of guilt, or defend themselves, thereby insuring that their MK won't feel a connection. I share this in the hope that you will take advantage of the countless opportunities to get involved and to encourage your MKs. Spouses, listen to your mate. Be teachable. Call and talk to your MKs. It starts by observing in the moment what has been stated, what it refers to, and continues on by reaching out despite the risks, out of love. Thanks for listening.