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 Post subject: Re: WOW......
PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:18 pm 
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@ Bonnie:

The "easy out" I referred to was simply affixing total blame upon the parents without looking at the culture that drove the choice they made calling it "acceptable" or "God's perfect will", etc. I make that statement knowing many inside NTM and terming myself a "quasi-NTMer" in that I attended a NTM-led school for 4 years, from 8th-11th grades. Many, many, many of my NTM friends can speak of the fear, sense of ostracization, and isolation that came from the mission were they to choose not to put their kids in the schools (or, really, to question or choose to do anything different than what leadership desired).

And so, my comment is to be interpreted as meaning it is "easy" to affix all blame on parents without delving deeper into the "why" of it. In my opinion, the very culture of NTM itself, which made possible the environment in which so much abuse was done, and, ultimately, covered up explains the "why" of it. Parental choice sprung out of that culture and was ancillary to it. Please note that in my earlier post I did not exonerate parents from blame at all; I merely sought to avoid "dumping on parents" syndrome by recognizing there was more than simply parental choice, as if such choice was made in a vacuum.

Please forgive me, if the word I used "easy" was written in such a way as to denote the struggles an MK might now face with talking to parents about past choices. Believe me, I have friends right now who are dealing with that very issue, talking to parents about long ago pent-up feelings, feelings that can only now be addressed because of the insular culture NTM fostered. It is NOT easy doing it now and it IS messy. However, for any relationship to be solidly built (and endure), the messiness needs to be dealt with, addressed, healing and forgiveness take place, and movement forward done. In a sinful world the deepest hurts come when we realize that some relationships may never be what we so desperately desire them to be (or, according to Scripture, what they need to be), and to recognize that fact, draw up Biblical boundaries, and move forward.

You are in my prayers, Bonnie.


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 Post subject: Re: WOW......
PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:24 pm 
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Bonnie wrote:

I know very well the culture in NTM, and I know the pressure that was placed on parents to send their kids away. But please remember - they did have a choice. Regardless of all the reasons why they made the choice they did, it was theirs to make.

Of course we can't place all blame on the parents - that would be ridiculous. But I feel that they should take the blame where it is warranted.
And then, acknowledge the part they played in this whole thing, be grief-stricken, and seek forgiveness from their children. At that point, everyone could move on from that issue, and hopefully families could be restored. (In a perfect world, anyway...)



Let me be weird and quote myself here... I assume you missed this post, or you may not have written everything you just did?
If I assume wrong, apologies. I think we are mostly agreeing on this, no?


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 Post subject: Re: WOW......
PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:43 pm 
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@ Bonnie:

I think we mostly agree. I was approaching it from the perspective of not defending parental choices to put their kids in boarding school at really young ages, etc., but really seeking to understand the "why" of it, when common sense might dictate that you don't put a four, five, or six year old at a boarding school thousands of miles away from Mommy and Daddy, and then only see them once or twice every four months.

From my association with many of my friends, most of whom were 2nd or 3rd generation MKs, and 2nd or 3rd generation boarding schoolers. Hence my statement that for some parents, the choice was "easier" in that it was the way it had always been done. Again, not excusing the choice, but merely seeking to understand the rationale which was fostered/encouraged by the NTM culture.

Oh well, I think we understand each other. Please don't think I'm minimizing any past pain or misunderstandings you've encountered . . . .


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 Post subject: Re: WOW......
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:59 pm 
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@Bonnie

I couldn't agree with you more. I love your courage and strength, warrior woman. You don't run from truth. Affixing any blame to our parents at all is the hardest thing we could do. It's the last thing we want to do. And yet they made that terrible choice. Real relationship with our parents is something we long for, and I think real relationship for MKs and their parents comes through acknowledgment of this truth.


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 Post subject: Re: WOW......
PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:28 pm 
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Speaking out takes courage. And whichever way you go, it's not easy to speak to people you care about. And as MKs we desperately want a relationship with our parents. For the many MKs who spent the majority of their childhood away from home, that relationship has shaky foundations.

I would consider my mom to be one of my best friends. Yet there is a blindspot in regards to raising kids. I was talking about this forum and child abuse and boarding schools with her the other day and she laughed and told me I was on a soapbox. It isn't that she doesn't want to understand. She can't. For parents who are 2nd or 3rd generation MKs whose children are grown I think it's harder yet.


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 Post subject: Re: WOW......
PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 4:09 pm 
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I believe that parents must take some responsibility. Even if we were deceived by clever manipulation of Gods word "take up your cross and follow me, if you love mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter more than me you are not worthy, present yourself a living sacrifice" etc, the choice was still ours and we made it. I did not send my kids to boarding school but I certainly thought about it. Today knowing what I know now I would not send them. Having said that I can definitely see myself as one of those in the past that would have sent my kids all for the glory of God and to reach the lost with the gospel. How easily we are led astray.
God is in charge but He is not in control of all things. If He was in control of all things we would not have real free will. We would be puppets on a string. God has given us free choice and He chooses to work within this framework. We are responsible for what we do and we will all give an account for our lives. God knows everything but that does not mean He will always intervene. He will always be guided by His holiness. From the moment sin entered the world life became a mixture of good and evil. It will remain this way until Christ returns to judge the earth and then make a new heaven and a new earth. Even though it is hard to see beyond our own pain we must ask God for His supernatural strength to do what needs to be done and turn evil to good to help and comfort others. When we do this we recognize that there is an eternal perspective and life is not just about us, it is ultimately about God.


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 Post subject: Re: WOW......
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 7:34 am 
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Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:58 am
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Location: Haines City Florida
Still here.


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